LESSON 04: LISTENING TO YOURSELF:
Opening
Is there anything you want to share that interferes with having your attention on the meeting?
How are you feeling in the here and now Express with words, sound and movement. (sample VIDEO?)
Household
Anything that needs to be mentioned?
Topic: LESSON 04: LISTENING TO YOURSELF
Think a few minutes about how that can work. What can you do? How would listening to yourself look like?
Practice: Empathic Listening Circle with above topic or anything else you would want to bring up.
How can you listen with empathy to someone else when your needs are not met, or your body or mind do want to do something else, or when you feel wanting to be heard yourself?
You have to decide if you have the willingness, the time and capability to listen to this person at this time. You only can do that if your ‘cup is full’. If you feel you can give.
How can you get your cup full? First of all find a buddy who could listen to you! But next is, practice to express yourself and finding out more about yourself.
LISTEN TO YOUR SELF.
You have to express yourself in order to hear and word yourself.
We are not really used to express ourselves, to be in touch with our needs and wants, and it is exactly these that may interfere with listening to someone. These needs and wants mostly have to do with time, money or energy. So your reasons you mention to people should reflect those.
You can express yourself in different situations:
Practice 1 : (maybe a sheet with words of topics all over it. Like: vacation, car, telephone, dance, book, etc.) Choose one of the words and talk about it as long as you wish (No listening done)
When everyone has had their turn: How was this to express yourself?
Practice 2: Think of a situation that you may foresee could give you a problem and in which others are involved.
It could be that if dinner isn’t being made at 5, that you may not be able to eat before leaving for your meeting or that you have to hurry eating.
It could be that you are afraid that your package will be delivered today while all will be out and that you have to go an pick it up later.
You will express the situation as if it works out the best (so instead of expressing your fear, you will express what you need, want, wish)
Like: If Dinner is made at 5, I will have plenty of time to enjoy eating together.
I expect a package today and if someone is home to receive it and can stay home tonight, instead of going to pick up the package.
Use your own examples, help each other to formulate the wishable situation.
Practice 3: Think of a situation in which someone asks you something
Like a friend who borrows money from you, but who has not given back any yet and asks again.
Like a neighbor who asks you to come for coffee.
EMPATHIC LISTENING TO YOURSELF: do you feel a ‘NO’ or a ‘YES’ and what is THE REASON for this no or yes that you hear your inner voice tell you? With this one you can mention your fear if necessary.
If it is a no, say: “I feel resistance to give you more money as I am afraid you will have no way to give it back and I need all for my rent this month”
If it is a yes, you could say: “Yes, I already thought you would not make it with what I gave you before.”
A no to the neighbor: “Thank you for asking, but I am getting ready to go to class”, or
A yes: “Thank you, I have some time to have coffee.”
Practice 4: When we really like what someone did, we often respond with “Good Job”, “You are amazing”, “That is so sweet of you.”
Unlike that these kind of messages give someone a boost in their self-esteem, they may make someone actually feeling becoming insecure. How come? It is a judgement! (see the Roadblocks)
So, can you never say anything good to a person?
Sure you can! But the good part is that you let the person know what his or her action did to you, what the consequence is for you, and how you feel.
THAT is what they want to know. They want to know that they impacted you. They do not feel that if you say : “You’re such a gem to have in the office.”
You will say this with an appreciative expression. You will give your attention to the thing that they did: “When I saw that you had washed the car, I felt so relaxed, as now I had time to finish my email!
How different does this feel opposed to ‘Amazing that you washed my car’ or even ‘Thank you for washing my car’?
Come up with some.
The more we will practice to listen to ourselves and express the wording and our feelings with it, the more we will be able to help others!