Administrative: (HEADINGS) (Stop-Watch)
Meeting Prep
Read: [CHAPTER 04] The Attitude of Empathic Understanding
Roles
Facilitator: Edwin
Time Keeper: denise
NOTE TAKING: Andrea
0. Write 'ON ARRIVAL QUESTION’ below: page 2
RECORDING: Start (Time: 30 Sec)
INTENTION SETTING: Opening (Time: 30 Sec)
Building a culture of empathy: To create a feeling of authentic expression, mutual listening, constructive dialogue and collaborative action.
MIRRORING FEELINGS: Self Empathy, check-in, mirrored feeling. (Time: 5 min)
QUESTION ON ARRIVAL: share ( 3 min each)
Take on Project,
Jess/Alex researched Space for MOOC/course
Design an Exercise for Tool Kit (10 to 30 min, need template)
Andrea - Work on Template; Pick Activity
Design a Lesson to Sort (2 hour, need template)
Deb - body mind and heart. -
Jess - willing to create a lesson, don’t have a specific idea what yet. And I would like to collaborate with someone.
Design, prototype, test a 4 Lesson (4 week) Introductory empathy course
Susan, Cieja,
Design a Empathy Circle Intro Video
Slideshow version
Video version
Animation version
Other ideas?
Topic: What is alive in you and [CHAPTER 04] The Attitude of Empathic Understanding
Next week Read: [CHAPTER 05]
Home work. Facilitate an empathy circle with 2 or 3 people. Report back next week
INTENTION SETTING: Closing
End: RECORDING
( ) Administrative: Post Meeting Harvesting - (Copy-Sort Material)
( ) Text posted to Participants page
( ) Text Posted to Topics pages
( ) Video Processed and Uploaded
( ) Posted to ???
On Arrival Writing Question: *C04 SKILLS
List the specific skills that you see that are part of an empathic way of being (ie. mindset - heartset - attitude - consciousness) ?
Which of these skills do you most want to get better at?
Self empathy
Identifying an internal feeling. Putting it into words and expressing it.
Empathic listening
Reflecting
Reflecting a feeling someone is expressing
Reflecting a feeling that is behind what someone is expressing.
Reflecting a feeling the someone desires (need or value)
Empathic Speaking
sharing a feeling
identifying and sharing the feeling that arises as a consequence of someone else's action.
Empathic Relationships
Identifying and articulating the feelings of a relationship
Most want to get better at. Empathic Speaking. Authentically expressing my own feelings.
To express my genuine feelings about empathy, I must take us on a journey back to Ancient Greece. I have many academic/historical crushes that will never pan out and one of those happens to be on Socrates. Now, whether this individual actually existed... who knows, but his characterization and knowledge provide relevant points for the present. While not trying to overly generalize his philosophy, Socrates believed that the wisest man was one who could admit that he did not know anything.
How does this relate to my idea of empathy? Before I start to listen to another person, first I tell myself not to automatically associate his/her experience to something that occured in my life. Thinking that I immediately understand how this person feels because I experienced the same thing would instantly distract my state of mind and subconsciously cloud my interpretation. Ultimately, I tell myself that I know nothing about this experience. Though mirror neurons provide an amazing sense of connection between humans, can we really know how it feels to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes?
For instance, if you and I sit together on a park bench feeling sad, how could we possibly know that we essentially feel the same emotion. I might feel sadness as a gut wrenching tangle of emotions weighing heavily in my abdomen. On the other hand, you might feel sadness as a stranglehold on your throat that prevents words from exiting your mouth. To assume the feeling is mutual does a disservice to empathic understanding.
I believe to truly empathize with another, one must first recognize the subjectiveness of feeling. The affective domain delights in expressing ideas through the abstract. Once one understands this truth, then we really start to listen to another’s story. Caroline Myss discusses different archetypes that each individual associates. The intellectual archetype is genuinely interested in learning about others experiences without feeling the need to share personal similarities. Individuals who associate with this archetype are not just waiting for the other person to stop speaking so that they can start their story. They are genuinely curious (stole curious from Dee-Dee’s post). I would like to improve my ability to recognize that my feelings about the speaker’s words must remain neutral. It is a time and space where I must stay objective so the speaker can attempt to fully express his/her story. I want to truly realize my archetype as the intellectual.
On Empathy and Compassion:
“To "listen" another's soul into a condition of disclosure and discovery may be almost the greatest service that any human being ever performs for another.” This is my current definition of empathy and I strive to achieve this with each person I interact with, be it friend, stranger, client, family, etc. I fail regularly though achieve it often too. It’s like hitting the sweet spot in baseball (I think. I don’t actually like baseball much =))
I recently read a great def of compassion in a post discussing client care: “Compassion is an attempt to understand the point of view of the other.” And this is different from empathy. In fact after reading this, I wondered if we should be doing “compassion circles” v “empathy circles!” My concern from the reading is that compassion appears to be needed to learn empathy. So empathy can be learned but what about compassion then? Is this a skill that is either innate or not? Could it be so binary? And if compassion is needed to learn empathy, where does that leave us with some folks? And ourselves? I’m wrestling with this.
One of my greatest heros is the Cheshire Cat. Being a cat person in the first place and a smart aleck, he’s always appealed to me in general. But his real superpower is curiosity. That really grabs me. I want to be childlike in my approach to all things; not childISH but curious like a child. As children we less often have prejudices and fears that get in the way of asking wonderful questions and listening with an open heart. Being mindful, curious, and open are important ingredients to this work for me. And these are skills I’m continually trying to improve through deep listening and “walking a mile in another’s moccasins” to paraphrase an old Chippewa saying I learned as a child.
Challenges: my own life chaos at present. I am learning just how much work it is to be poor- really poor. And am reminded that one cannot carve out each section of our lives; they are all interconnected. Add to this the confusion and struggle with a mental condition (PTSD; typically managed well until sudden recent events stoked the fires) plus the challenges with obtaining prescriptions each month for reasonable and never misused pain medications and it’s frankly a miracle I’m not a bigger mess per my wonderful MD and psychologist! However, developing this chronic pain condition has also made my compassion extend far beyond what I thought possible, exponentially greater as the years go by (my condition will never get better or be cured; in fact, it will get worse though is not technically “life threatening”).
Clear mindful intention without judgments
Full presence.
I’d like to work on when I am in conflict.. Tend to talk with people who agree with me..
Be able to sit with self empathy and people who don’t agree with me..
DENISE ERNST I actually see the skill of reflective listening, deep, meaningful reflective listening as a core component. The practice of reflective listening seems to help build the attitude and mindfulness needed to appreciate the other perspective. Of course, I recognize that this could be because I teach this way and I see through that lens. It is certainly not the only lens. I continue to exercise and deepen my capacity for reflecting.
( Put yourself aside for service.. Even self empathy is putting aside a false or manufactured self. To listen to true self. )
Skills connected to empathy to me (non exhaustive): resilience, curiosity, courage, trust, shared humanity, vulnerability, boundaries and kindness. And of course, the skill of reflective listening.
I want to get better at self-empathy/self-compassion.
I would like empathy to be my default, my go to place instead of negative judgement. Specially when I am upset or angry.
I need to improve staying fully present and minimise getting in my head looking for the best response.
I’m thinking that while skills are important, the biggest part of empathy might actually just be the willingness to take on someone else’s position and emotion - and that in general empathy is not a very “skillful” process. But some skills I do see as valuable are:
Empathising under less than ideal circumstances, like when someone isn’t cooperative with it
Taking care of yourself so that you can continue to empathise
NOTES:
Skill and mindsets.. It’s more a variety of mindsets and attitudes.
Culture of Empathy: Different Signals - Hugging, Clarity, Reflection, Grounding, Stretch, Softening, No Judgement, Love, Giving.
Edwin: Tired and excited for the training. The whole team is here.
Deb: Cleaning house and much more space. Very little sleep. Traveling. Mixture.
Jess: Feeling tired.
Daya: Nervous.Self-judgment. Connection to be here right now.
Alex: Relieved and relaxed.
Denise: Busy and relaxed. Good.
Dee-Dee: Chronic pain and getting up early is no good. Tired. Okay.
Andrea: Stability within chaos.
ON ARRIVAL QUESTIONS:
Edwin: Identify our inner feelings. Expressing and reflecting. Feelings behind the feelings part of the skills. Empathic speaking and empathic listening. Relationships. Trying to work on speaking from his self-experience.
Andrea: Note-taker. See response above :)
Dee-Dee: Create an environment for genuinely listening. Different friends that provide different needs. Compassion is an attempt to understand the point-of-view of another. Empathy is the attempt to walk in another person’s shoes. Fully immerse in someone else’s world.
Deborah: Mindfulness quiet the mind and notice what I am experiencing. This ability also allows me to notice what others are experiencing. Other people’s stories seen as a conduit to get to understand other individuals experience. Activist still causes anxiety. Believes people should be a steward of their thoughts and do not filter your experience.
Daya: Mindful intention must be there if one wants to be present with someone. Completely let go of any self-centered preconceived notions. Work on being able to sit with self-empathy. The intention to connect and capacity to empathize is present however, when in conflict, need to be mindful to sit with self-empathy. Does not want to discuss with someone her feelings if that individual will force her to agree with that individual.
Denise: The notion of service. Empathy is putting yourself aside in service of others (comprehension of their experience and story). Remember that it is not about you. Need to put aside you manufactured-self in order for your higher self to emerge. Unless we have a higher purpose in doing this position, then we might falter. Creating a culture of empathy a high enough purpose? It is for me.
Jess: Empathy skills: resilience, trust, boundaries, kindness, and listening. Go to the etymology of the word empathy. Opening your heart and presence to be with someone in that experience. Be in the state of mind. Need to work on self-empathy because if one judges themselves quickly then it is easier to judge others. It is easier to show an empathy to a stranger rather than those close to us. Want to not be in the mind and be present. Stop trying to find the right response.
Alex: The term skills feel weird when associating with the word empathy. No skill involved. Just need to be willing to take on the emotion of the other individual. Need to have the courage to deal with those painful emotions. Would like to improve on the intuition involved with empathy in order to obtain clarity faster.
TAKE ON PROJECTS:
Jess/Alex: Google Sites to create different prototypes in order to develop an area to put the content. Find a place where the MOOC involves several individuals interacting.
Denise: Use google works for online courses but it does limit the number of people who can join. It also utilizes YouTube. They need feedback if they want to learn the skills. It is expanding too fast. Maybe we need to keep it simple
Andrea: Should this training design just mirror the ultimate design of this course? Start a document discussing the ‘internet vampires’ and how to protect to the genuine. Created guidelines.
Dee-Dee: Found someone to do animation and put together quick videos. Set up a document for agreed upon rules. Who you could report that abuse to (i.e. moderators). Maybe individuals need to start in the No
Deborah: Document that sets out guidelines, agreements, consequences, and rules. Design a two lesson that would serve as a preamble. Start with yourself and then branch out. Allowing people to discover on their own and come back and weekly.
Edwin: Toolkit with exercises. Need individuals to look at the exercise. Write it up and present it to the group. Also, designing a lesson from scratch. Developing a two hours lesson composed of activities. Designing a four week Empathy Course. Design an Empathy Circle Introductory Video from a slideshow and develop and animated version of it. What is the best way to get individuals started.
Jess: What do we mean by lesson? Is the chapter a lesson. Sense of clarity on how to move forward?
Edwin: Using the book for inspiration but we are not allowed to directly use due to copyright. The book is the initial the prototype.
Andrea: The new people will not be overwhelmed with the activities. The creative aspect allows curriculum designers to develop activities that might assist individuals. Not all activities will be available with the training.
Dee-Dee: Some people might see this design process as overwhelming. Maybe different teams delineated for what they work on instead of overlapping.
Edwin: Taking the course and designing it becomes overwhelming. Maybe this group just thinks about doing the book as a curriculum.
Alex: A point of confusion because he was not seeing himself designing. Separation between people who are going through the prototype and those who are going to design.
Deborah: She wants to do both. Stick with the skeleton and get through the book faster. Create a training based on the book. Consolidating the chapters and finishing the book up in another three or fours weeks. Pull out the salient points within? The week off is helpful. Do we really want to cram it all in four hours? Maybe create a model that allows individual to reflect and mull over it.
Dee-Dee: Feeling overwhelmed with the number of weeks. She gets too restless. Take the next two chapters because they go together. Reflections requires its own lesson plan. She will facilitate the next two chapters for next week.
Denise: Practice the skills is important and we are not doing that right now. Four hours you could cover the book. Giving feedback.
Edwin: Denise/Dee-Dee facilitate (5 & 6). Andrea will facilitate the week after.