EC: Experience

Empathy Circle: Experience

What have you experienced while listening to others in our circle? Ie. Can you recall and share some feelings that came up?

Cielja

I felt quite some anxiety sometimes when I did not hear a person totally or I did not know the words they were using.

Also the reflective listening is different from how I am used to do empathic listening in communication. I think it is a different skill, to capture all a person says, when there is not really an underlying wish to think further or an emotional struggle. It is more: you say something, I reflect you back, now I say something etc. But it is great for me to practice this. For others who will practice this in our course lateron, it may be necessary to explain that this is one way of listening and only one skill in the total of the empathic communication.

It also helps that Peter and I both have gotten mics!

And Edwin’s remark relieved the pressure some for me that reflective listening could be as much as a ‘grummel’ (how would I word the sound lol) as long as the other says: I feel heard.

Edwin

I feel a wide variety of feelings. Sometimes satisfaction that I have a clear understanding of what the other person is saying. A feeling of deeply understanding someone and the feeling of depth and realness. A feeling of richness and growth. I am moving into the deeper world of truthfulness. Make me feel hopeful and connected.

Sometimes anxiety that I don’t feel I’m listening well. My listening is getting worse over time.

Varsha

I have experienced that I relate to some of the people who have similar experiences / opinions or sometimes similar understanding. I relate to Bill’s idea of framework and expectation from the training. There are few things that are completely new to me and that makes me introspect and test those ideas in my personal life to see its impact.

I have had little hard time listening to Peter due to sound quality. I sometimes find difficulty in hearing Ceilja as well.

It gives me some hope to realize my vision but at the same time I feel overwhelmed by the idea of finding ways to keep the flame burning. I feel blessed to live in this internet era without which I don’t know what would I have done.

Bill

I have experienced what I feel is the underlying community that is available to us all. Groups members have proposed to take empathetic principals into their own area of expertise, are looking to expand the dialogue, and grow.

Bob

While listening to others, I am growing as a human being. My ability to connect with others and identify with them is improving. Some feelings that came up -- joy, happiness

Peter

I notice for myself moments of getting lost into a state of positive thought when in the group, all other things melt away. That’s when I know I am listening well.

What has been your experience of taking part in the empathy circles in this team?

Edwin

I Like...,

I like the the empathy circle as the best way to practice empathy. In our team, I really like the deep dedication and commitment of everyone to take part in the empathy circle and to work on developing the training.

Something that comes to mind is when only Dimitra and I were in an empathy circle, there was a lot more engagement. It was a lot of fun to only have 2 people in the circle because I was always active either speaking or reflecting.

I Wish…,

I feel some frustration with capturing the learnings and insights generated in the empathy circle and doing something constructive with it. A lot of interesting learnings get said, I take some notes, but nothing really gets done with it. I wish this could be more effective in some way…. Perhaps by writing up a report or something.

What If...

- We get a really good video introduction created for how to take part in an empathy circle.

- What if we make the empathy circle the central focus of the MOOC training. That the training is on how to facilitate an empathy circle? Ie to be an empathy circle facilitator. Everyone learns how to take part in an empathy circle, how to facilitate it, and then goes out and tries to facilitate them with family, friends, class, community, etc. They then document their experience and share it in the meetings. We get support for sharing successes or challenges in trying to facilitate empathy circles.

The topic..

• • It’s about expressing the felt experience

  • Not sympathy

  • Is more meaningful. - talking about fear.

Dimitra

I Like...,

• • Find ingrid’s comments thoughtful.

  • Skeptical about some aspects of her classes.

I Wish…,

• • Want to improve my personal relationships. I could see how to do this in real life

  • How it works in real life with disagreement and solutions.

  • Could bring the skills in real life every day.

What If...

• • We practice listening, this is only part of the communications.

    • Acting out a conflict - would be more real life.

    • We are 3 people - pretend a disagreement. Help the sides move past the disagreement.

  • (edwin set up a lesson and exercise page.)

Ingrid

I like... the practice time; getting to know everyone; that everyone gets to participate; feeling heard;

I like the practice.

I wish... that I could get more feedback on my reflections so I can learn more and improve; that the empathy circles were not always recorded because it keeps me from talking about topics that may be more personal;

The instructions should be usable for just 2 people. For dyads. Would be good for the instructions to be used in an diad as well. For example for Ingrid's husbands men's groups.

What if ...at times we focused on a specific topic (sometimes it feels disjointed when anyone can talk about anything);

• • How might we develop more skill or empathy growth?

  • What if we gave feedback to the speaker.. Some people may want feedback - some may not want it.

  • How to give constructive feedback.

Disagreement with husband.

Gives me space so that I don’t become defensive. It is easier to hear and stay engaged.

Using disagreements with the practice. Needs to be about when it’s personal and

It’s a higher skill level. Personal issues and conflict/

.