Book Chapters
Contents
Chapter 1. Together
Chapter 2. Accurate Empathy
What Empathy is Not
A Learnable and Useful Skill
Chapter 3. How Accurate Empathy Works
Chapter 4. The Attitude of Empathic Understanding
Chapter 5. Roadblocks to Listening
Roadblocks
1. Directing
2. Warning
3. Advising
4. Persuading
5. Moralizing
6. Judging
7. Agreeing
8. Shaming or ridiculing
9. Analyzing
10. Probing
11. Reassuring
12. Distracting
Other Roadblocks
One-Upping
Put-Downs
Apathy
Sympathy
Identification
So What's the Problem with Roadblocks?
Try It! *05: BLOCK WITH REFLECT
Chapter 6. The Picture Without the Sound
Try It! *06: MONOLOGUE
Chapter 7. Asking Questions
Try It! *07: ONE THING
Chapter 8. Forming Reflections
Try It! *08 REFLECTION
Chapter 9. Diving Deeper
Accurate Empathy and Reflective Listening
Fine Tuning: Choosing Your Words
Understating and Overstating
Analogies
The Music
Try It! *09 REFLECTION2
Chapter 10. Affirming
Try It! *10 AFFIRMING
Chapter 11. Expressing Yourself
"I" Messages
Partial Responsibility and Offer to Help
Assertiveness
Try It! *11 I STATEMENT
Chapter 12. Listening Well in Relationships
How is Reflective Listening Different From Conversation?
Try It! *12 TRY IT
Chapter 13. Empathic Understanding in close Relationships
Understanding or Problem Solving?
Collaboration: A Mutual Responsibility
The Power of P's and D's
Asking for Change
Try It! *13 TRY IT
Chapter 14. Listening for Values
About Ambivalence
What Do Your Care Most About?
Try It! *14 VALUES
100 Possible Values
Chapter 15. Listening Well in Conflict
Listening Across Canyons
Listening In Tight Places
Beyond Listening Well
Try It! *15 LISTENING CANYONS
Chapter 16. The Promises of Empathic Listening
End notes