Meet 01: 2018-06-23
Links
Preparation
Agenda
Write ON ARRIVAL QUESTION below
Start RECORDING
Introductions, (Name, Where From, Work, How feeling now?)
Share On Arrival Questions
(Keep it simple for first meetings)
Review How-To Empathy Circle (we need to develop slideshow and video for this)
Use Empathy Circle Process to discuss;
*PREFACE, Training Design Project or whatever is alive for you.
Feedback on Empathy Circle practice
Close
Why are you interested in taking part in developing this Empathy Training?
Denise
Dee-Dee
The world is full of many personal and social problems and I feel that empathy is the way to address them. Living an empathic way of being also feels good. So, I’ve dedicated the rest of my life to building a culture of empathy and one of the ways of doing that is to have training.
I feel there is a need for a good quality systematic multimedia empathy training (& MOOC) that is freely available to the general public to train people in these skills.. I haven’t seen an online training that I am happy with and I’d like to organize this initiative to build one.
I’ve tried creating an empathy curriculum before, but it hasn’t materialized. With the release of the new book ‘Listening Well’, I see this as a good framework and foundation for building this online Training MOOC. It gives a good foundational structure. So I feel excited and driven to start this project. I hope we can bring this training to the point that we can offer this as a course that people can take on their own or as facilitated paid training that can be done in person or online. It would be a way for our team members to generate an income.
Andrea
My background with empathy starts with historical education. Before his execution in 1944 by the Nazis, Marc Bloch announced his concerns with historical education. He stated, “What is the use of history, when the values of the past are being ruthlessly discarded”. The value of information is directly impacted with its quantity; the former declines as the latter increases. YouTube channels dedicated to gruesome acts of violence and the availability of grotesque imagery at the click of a mouse desensitized a generation. Man’s inhumanity to man is unfortunately eternal. This truth is magnified when the tragedy is recent and too close for comfort, such as the recent media coverage of active shooters in public spaces and schools.
Rather than isolate the incidents for comprehension, humanity, as a whole, must look to the real source of the problem for solutions: lack of empathy. When the horrific enters everyday life as something distant and abstract, it becomes difficult to understand the humanity involved within the trauma. A world of video and images created the dehumanization of the other. Intentional or not, if the horrifying event does not physically impact one and his/her immediate family, then it is deemed unimportant. Empathy has given way to apathy.
For this reason, emotional intelligence, diversity, and empathy education is necessary for modern society. Knowledge and a thorough understanding of the culture and history of one’s counterpart diminishes divisions and reveals human continuity. I am fully aware that I still have many techniques and methods to learn; however, my confidence in humanity and the passion that comes from my fiance's life that was cut short is never-ending. My enthusiasm and commitment to the betterment of society ultimately defines my overall philosophy of life. And since someone has already concisely stated my beliefs, I will end with his comment: To educate a man in mind and not morals, is to educate a menace to society – Theodore Roosevelt
Daya
My understanding of empathy started with learning Nonviolent communication. In that process I was able to understand listen deeply to my challenges and trauma and slowly I was able to understand other’s pain. I was once called by a friend to intervene in a situation where a girl of about 15 years had locked herself up after a conflict with her mom and her mom was scared she would do something harmful to herself. I wanted to try empathy and I went there and first held space for the mother and later for the daughter who I have not seen till today. I was holding empathic listening for this girl from outside her locked door.
I left after we were able to agree together that she would come out in 10 minutes. 5 minutes after I left their house I got a call from her mom that the girl came out of the room was eating and interacting with her. This experience shifted my understanding of empathy more in a way that i saw that it was possible to help people being heard in tense and charged situations. After this I have tried some listening to people who are involved in activism and seen and received feedback that they were able to feel calm and see different perspectives after being heard deeply.
Having such experiences and when I saw on facebook about empathy tent last year and when I saw the intention to create a curriculum which can be accessible to people to learn the skills to create spaces to hear themselves and others, I was very excited and wanted to be involved in this process.
I feel that when people are able to hear each other with empathic listening, about the hardest of differences of thought they may have, connection healing and moving forward together would be possible. In India I dont see it reaching NVC much into the community with random workshops / trainings happening. I see a lot of conflicts and pain within the community also. I want to be able to create a system to offer empathic space in my community and I have a sense that with all of you it would be inspiring a togetherness and supporting each other in doing and developing a very deeply meaningful process I believe in.
Deborah
I found this quote decades ago and love its simplistic but profound point, (author unknown) “Everyone wants to change the world but no one wants to change their mind/heart”. I added “heart” to this.
I am taking this training to activate my ability to relate, connect and experience heartfelt wholeheartedness in a deeper and more expressive way. I tend to be guarded and have been working for decades to reduce my intellectualization of my experience with some positive results but not to the degree I want.
My direction is intrapersonal, meaning if more of us were more emphatically aligned with our truth, and the truth of others moment to moment, there would be less misunderstanding and confusion and more time to live our lives in ways more satisfying besides bickering about right and wrong, or trying to convince the other to believe our view. There are multiple views that can live together in harmony.
There are more commonaities than differences to be found if we pause to listen and understand, and put dominance aside. It’s easy for me to paint my emotional needs with a broad brush on the world canvas and down play my personal needs. So speaking and listening for personal empathic reasons is actually a big challenge for me. I feel vulnerable about sharing emphatically, and have historical beliefs it won't matter in the long run ( family history arising here). But ultimately, when I come to realize my own personal needs are just as valuable as others, then others become just as valuable as mine.
I began this journey of questioning how we usually do not value self and others without hierarchy, division or judgement about 60 years ago, along with a variety of learning curves along the way, as we all have had. My NVC learning curve started around 1993 and my Buddhist practices that have also been a huge part of my learning curve began in 1978. I continue to cherish learning. My ultimate goal is to teach others the value of experiencing empathy for themselves and its value for others.
Greg
As a trainer/teacher I’m constantly looking for processes that will engage learners and enhance their ability to practice and take home the concepts. As a Motivational Interviewing practitioner, I think empathy is what the world needs more of, particularly in this day of rhetoric and division, of taking sides and taking a stand. When I got the notice about this opportunity, I was finishing up a training on the facilitation of restorative justice circles and was intrigued by the process/platform’s function of building safety and maintaining/repairing relationships.
FEEDBACK: How was the Empathy Circle experience?
Deborah
I Like….being a part of this small empathy building community from a diverse background
I Wish….we would discuss in our next group that we acknowledge and honor the usual agreements in this type of group sharing session of: honoring confidentiality and not speak about others without their permission or presence.
What if…all our sharing times have a time limit, even our introductory sharing in the beginning. I need that time card to remind me to wind it up, be concise and not ramble.
Any Other Comments?
I think I saw a notice on FB that the time for our group was changed to 9 pm to 11 pm. Did I see this correctly, or incorrectly?
Edwin
I Like…. the overall energy and feeling of the meeting
I’m very pleased with the beginning of our first design team meeting and looking forward to next week!! Feelings of warmth, connection, growth and creativity.
I Wish…. There wasn't a whole week between meetings. Have to have patience.
Didn’t realize - be presence. Was not aware until the active listeners reflected back on what I was saying that I would talk without being mindful of my audience.
Nuts and bolts of reflective/empathic listening. Great training experience. Opportunity to continue a creation of ideas. Building upon others experiences and ideas. Our ideas are no longer subjective when people are actively listening. Creative practice.
Stimulated, by culture of empathy. Thoughts of the ripple effect (i.e.: dropping a stone in the water). What do we want to be known for? A state of empathy? Contagious?
This group experience made individuals feel very safe, open, and free to communicate. Great experience to build upon self-esteem for sharing emotions and ideas.
Good to know what the roles are and there is a time limit. Interesting that everyone shared a different perspective. Nice that people had the ability to build a little bit of a personal relationship with the other team members. Allows for more creativity.
Good to let people know that they might experience anxiety, but that is okay because they are not alone. Provides a safe environment to share ideas and create.
Polarization
Self empathy - Self connection - internal polarization
Helping people listen to themselves. Give yourself empathy.
Everyone one has a different family upbringing. Different trauma and turmoil determines our identity? If this contradicts our neighbor, is this where the communication breaks down?
Conflicts tearing people apart , families
Care about everyone,
How might we listen to each other - empathy helps pains, conflicts, polarization
Create space where people feel heard,.
Empathy can help with intense situations
Excited to create a space to make it for others
Edwin
Objective learn and practice the basic empathy circle process.
Definitions. A culture of Empathy
The components of empathy
The book deepens the skills chapter by chapter.
Empathy circle is easily reproducible.
Definitions of Empathy
Andrea - what is empathy - mirroring.
What do we mean by empathy.
A Righteous attempt to understanding.
Is there one good definition
Denise - steeped into this.
Nothing new in the preface.
A life long journey - critical… it happens in relationship
Students are not listening. - recognize that the ability to convey the listening is important
Experience being heard, seen and known
Hardwired for empathy - how to use this? Important for course.
Is a mindfulness practice.
Developing the capacity for understanding. People think that they are good listeners when really they are not. A loop needs to develop between the speaker and listener.
Experience of being heard is the healing moment. How can we have people tap into the components that already exist in their brains (neuroscience)?
Daya
People say they are good listeners but the reality is different.
How people perceive themselves.
Why do people think they are good listeners.
Why do they think they are good listeners?
I Feel a big disconnection…
How might I convey to them of how I would like to be heard.
Deborah
Feel a sense of connection with wath everyone has said.
Neuro pathways. Geared toward problem solving.
We are still in Fight, Flight - as a society, we have not evolved to be better at problem solving.
The goals are not understood and shared. Be inclusive of others. If you are self connected then start seeing the common humanity. We are all the same. Fight fl
Saddened that we are not using new knowledge developed from neuroscience to understand the origins of problems. Has are scientific and technological advancements really assisted society? The more connected we become, the more detached we are? More individualized rather than a community. Living in an age where connection with others is not needed? What characteristics create human continuity across cultures and time?
Greg
Hopeful and concerned by reading the preface.
People think they can do it,. But we have all these problems.
Perplexing that people are not using
How do people tap into these hardwired skills. Why are we not doing it.
We know it’s good for us but we don’t do it.
Do people even want to be empathic?
People may think empathy is soft.
People may not know How to Do it. It is a skill. They don’t know how to do it.
Maybe the tools are not accessible.
(Need motivational interviewing for wanting to learn empathy )
Andrea
It is interesting that LISTEN and SILENT contain the same letters. Silence is part of being a good listener if it is not detached. Practice what you preach. Use the techniques learned in our Empathy Design Team in the real world.
Edwin
Definitions are difficult. Build a definition of empathy based on the connection of a group. Training to create a culture of empathy. Different forms of empathy. Maybe empathy should be defined through the context. For instance culture of empathy, self-empathy, relationship empathy rather than one term as empathy.
Need to create a vision of culture of empathy. Everyone feels heard and acknowledged. This community supports one another involved. Individuals involved in the culture of empathy connected.