Empathy Design Team 4 - Meeting 3

Google Meeting Working Doc

Lesson Outline (Agenda)

(HEADINGS) (Stop-Watch)

0. Write ‘On Arrival Question’ below.:

(Before or on arrival to the meeting write an answer to this question below)

• 1. RECORDING: Start

  2. INTENTION SETTING: Opening

  3. Building a culture of empathy: For us to mutually to be able to authentically express ourselves and be heard to mutually be heard to each satisfaction. Mutual acceptance and holding space for each other.

  4. MIRRORING FEELINGS: Self Empathy, CheckIn, mirrored feeling.

  5. QUESTION ON ARRIVAL:

  6. HOW CONTRIBUTE

  7. EMPATHY CIRCLE:

     1. Topic: CHAPTER 02 and What is alive for you

  8. HOUSEHOLD

• • 1. Next week Read: CHAPTER 03

• 9. MIRRORING FEELINGS

  10. INTENTION SETTING: Closing

  11. End: RECORDING

On Arrival Writing Question: EMPATHY BENEFITS

What do you feel are the most important benefits of empathy?

Edwin

There are many different levels or areas of benefits, including

For a speaker: I feel less stressed knowing I am being heard and don’t have to fight for attention. Fosters calm relaxation. My feelings open up. Someone said, when I listened to them, ‘I’ve never felt so listened to and creative.’

For a listener: helps me feel present, engaged with and connected to the person I’m listening to.. I tend to detach and reflecting keeps me present. Also I can enjoy the unfolding of the speakers experience.

For a community or culture: it heads off and solves social problems. Is key to heading off social conflict and resolving conflict once it happens.

Have a list of Benefits here. https://sites.google.com/site/empathytraininglitreview/benefits-in

Andrea

Relief that individuals genuinely care about my perspective. When I give empathy, it makes me feel a sense of pride in my ability to allow another individual to be heard. In education, statistics show that children learn only when they are in a regulated state. Many times, these children/students mirror the mood and response of the teacher. If the teacher is knowledgeable in empathy and emotional intelligence, then s/he is prepared to regulate the student through active listening. Health benefits are restorative due to less stress and conflict.

Dee-Dee

Empathy appears to be something I can practice which is great! I believe I struggle with it at times which is I think due to the longtime use of psych meds. It’s taken me some months of clearing to be able to feel again which is interesting and uncomfortable =).

So i look forward to continued practice and will maintain humility around this for now. Empathy does seem to come from connnectedness which i’ve always described as being of 2 things:

• 1) connecting vertically: with myself, my Spirit, for others that may mean an external guide and

• 2) horizontally which means being connected to others and everything in the world.

When I can hear others’ words between their lines of speech I feel touched internally to a degree I don’t know how to explain in words. It is deep and profound and magical. For myself, I can’t always empathize as that’s not been my experience in life at times due to trauma. And that “veiling” I’ve had at times. But I practice this daily - sometimes hourly! - and talking with others about it always helps me. I do love connecting with others even though I’m often nervous about doing it well or “right”.

Daya

Understanding myself and other people without judgements or agenda. It makes people feel heard and understood.

Denise

Empathy builds connection with others. It helps me remember that at some level, we are all a part of the same thing.

Deborah

I am finding I am less stressed, upset or angry about a situation when I can pause, back down or off and see the situation or person from their perspective. This occured this week without even speaking to the person about what I was upset about. I took their perspective, understood her situation and it’s a non issue for me right now. I did not even need to give myself empathy which I usually my first step. I appreciate how mindfulness can be the access tool for this empathy process.

Holding space for me is the beginning of the paradigm shift. In NVC I learned that repeating back does not necessarily mean the listener understands, it could have been “ giraffed”.mindfulness= empathy = grounded = connected.

.

Note Taking

Andrea - Tension, Stress, and Trauma Release (TRE) exercises, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) also known as Tapping: Ways to regulate and release emotion/trauma. Mirror Neurons (Ghandi Neurons, Empathy Neurons: V.S. Ramachandran, 2010). Can a person who is highly empathetic actually be negatively impacted if surrounded by apathetic individuals? Do we have to completely let go of our own judgment in order to create a deep connection through empathy with another individual?

Dee-Dee - Frustration of not being heard leads to anger. The disconnection created from apathy leaves one alone and might aggravate mental illness.

Daya - Empathic listening allows individuals to share trauma in a safe space. People are able to take off the mask and share what is really happening emotionally and mentally. It creates trust between people and, ultimately, a community.

Denise - Value of empathy is the practice of it. Can empathy be secularized? Building the capacity of creating a space with another individual where a deep connection develops. Almost similar to what happens to someone when they are meditating.

Deborah - Mindfulness practice. Can we create a deep connection with ourselves? If not, then how are we able to build this connection with other individuals? The ability to look at your current emotions and sit with them in order to de escalate/regulate. How do we genuinely connect with ourselves? Must be considerate and mindful of other and ourselves.

Designing Online Course - 16 weeks too long? 8 weeks with 2 chapters per week? The individuals can work offline and then come online ready to work in the empathy circles. Possibly include a syllabus that discusses rules/regulations (respect for others in the circle). Include activities and reading that students can complete throughout the week during a time that works best for them. When the participants meet online, it is solely for the empathy circle and practicing the skills developed from previous week.

Edwin notes

Have a brainstorming session about the structure of the course.

(building a culture of empathy is mutuality/symbiotic)

(The empathy circle sets the mutuality, and equal time)

Andrea

Empathy is a whole body experience. As people learn about the skill involved with empathic listening, does it change their entire persona? People give of a quality of empathy that people can sense. Is there a type of energy that must change in order to genuinely listen and comprehend the information? People born as empaths. Trauma causes one to be more empathetic to others rather than blame people for their problems.

Daya

Being present and people just come and talk to me.. Don’t want to just be the person is always listening and not being heard. Good to hold spaced for others and having self care. Worried that taking in too much from other individuals that she becomes burnt out. How to hold space with others while not letting their experiences impact your emotions.

(building a culture of empathy is mutuality/symbiotic)

Deb

Working on self understanding.. I’m an empath. Everyone tells me their stories. Not a lot of space for me.

Taking a course on self care. I am not naturally empathic, not going to blame my mother. Don’t want to place blame.

There are a lot of ways to be empathic.. Have an inner empathy. Not verbal about my feelings. Have to work at building the thread of connection. Different types of empathy; some are more natural than others (ie: cognitive vs affective).

I have it in my heart but not able to transmit it the way I would like to. Learn how to carry yourself.

Dee-Dee

Like that Bill uses music… I am classically trained.

Would I be able to go back and play the piano.

Was fine with letting go of that musician identity

I have been the one that listens. Have to be careful.

Do love hearing people's stories

I want to be sure that when I am with someone I am present.

Chronic pain makes you listen to your body. Accurate empathy - be self and other mindful.

Andrea

The listening comes with a responsibility ..

you need to be in the right space of mind.. I need to be in the right frame of mind.

Need to not take on other peoples stuff. It’s not healthy.

Part of this work is to be open and to recognize that is not yours. You are not the one to hold all their crap.. You need to be transparent. You hear it and need to let it go. It adds to your sense of stress and trauma. Especially if you have your own that you are dealing with. How do you get out of a situation when you are feeling drained.

I don’t know.