Lesson 03

LESSON 03: WHAT ARE WE LISTENING FOR:

Opening

  • Is there anything you want to share that interferes with having your attention on the meeting?

    • How are you feeling in the here and now Express with words, sound and movement. (sample VIDEO?)

Household

  • Anything that needs to be mentioned?

Topic: What do we hear, see, read in the other's expression?

INTERPRETATION As we mentioned in session 2, our interpretation as a listener is often distracting from what we really hear. How come?

When we hear someone talking, our subconscious mind tries to recognize what a person is saying and tries to make sense of its meaning. We want to understand what they are saying in a way that we can asap say: “I know what (s)he means”! We even often say that: “I know what you mean.” “I get you”. etc.

And often a solution is what comes to mind with which we can ‘help’ the person move through what they have going on. We jump in quickly to advise.

Or we hear things we recognize and confirm what they have going on, by letting them know that we know this, as we had it too. This is the sympathy that kicks in (as we talked about it the first session) On the other hand we can think that if the person just would not do this or that, that they are better off and we just say that!

But all our good efforts to help a person turn out to be actually blocking; blocking their own thinking, blocking them helping themselves; and even blocking them in liking us or ask us next time.

*1 Thomas Gordon (referring to notes?) grouped a lot of different ways how we block a person when we try to listen, under 12 different Roadblocks in Communication.

List of Roadblocks

As these are opportunities for us to get insight into what the consequences of roadblocks are and how we can move away from them, we will go over them in detail.

VIDEO or example in the practice of Roadblocks

(consequences Cielja) stress - is a big package - roadblock brings people into stress. what are the feelings associated with each roadblock.

Practice: LISTENING TO UNDERSTAND, OR …NOT?

When we get the reproach: “You don’t understand me”, we are devastated. Because that was what we thought we tried to do. However what the person actually is saying is: “I do not feel heard”. What is the difference?

  • Practice: Empathic Listening Circle practice to talk about: the difference in listening to understand and listening sothat the other can release, vent.

  • Discussion about the difference in listening to understand and listening so that the other can release, vent.

  • Experience the difference between the empathic listening circle and open discussion.

  • Any comments?

  • USING ALL YOUR SENSES TO LISTEN: Empathic Listening is also opening up all your senses to be in the here and now with a person.

Practice: Here & Now exercise (Think of where you were yesterday this time, come 'back' to here and now. - Think of what you will be doing tomorrow around this time, come 'back' to here and now.

  • Staying in the here and now in your feed-back will help to stay away from the roadblocks.

  • Example (VIDEO?)