PRACTICAL PRO-LIFE FATHERING
Fr. Jim Whalen
Christian fathering must be a practical, creative, and saving action to be pro-life. It means that making a lifetime commitment, a covenant with God and a woman, in the Sacrament of Marriage, is a necessary condition for the fulfillment of the Creator’s plan for family life. The alternative, simply living together, without God as part of the relationship, does not foster the freedom, openness. or trust that results from the promised fidelity of a husband and a wife, who are called to the vocation of Christian fatherhood and Christian motherhood. Children are one of their greatest blessings - new persons brought into existence by the sharing of the father and mother in the creative activity of God. The father and mother procreate on behalf of God, bringing forth children destined for resurrection and eternity. They receive a special privilege in sharing in God’s own creation of new lives that even the angels do not partake in. “Every person’s genealogy is rooted in the eternal. In conceiving a child, parents are acting as God’s co-workers”. (Pope John Paul II, Angelus Message, Feb. 6, 1994, Fathering, p. 14).
In choosing Christian fatherhood a man makes a spiritual and practical choice to live within the Sacrament of Marriage, living in intimacy with his wife and with God, while at the same time creating a home for his family, and building a civilization of love. Christian family life, home life, is to reflect the mutual love and respect of the father, mother, and children. It means the establishment a certain stability, a rightly ordered manner of living, of fostering and transmitting human life worked out by parents based on following the example and teachings of Christ and Holy Mother the Church. Families need their fathers’ love, willing the good of all under their care, being present for others and allowing others to be present to them. It is crucial that Christian homes are centres of love - domestic churches that form the nucleus for building a Christian civilization of love.
Children need loving attentive fathers for all the years of their growth. This means accepting and loving children without qualification, providing them with a security in which they can grow free from fear, hatred, and violence.
“A child in his earliest years will know only one thing: whether or not he is loved” (Head of the Family, p. 29). It means a daily practice of martyrdom for fathers. They must love without a thought of return, patterned after Christ’s love, the one who loved us first. It means loving their children even when they seem to act like enemies: interrupting their conversations, distracting them in their prayer life or screaming and causing chaos without warning. “A good father is willing to submerge his own needs, to sit down, listen to their ideas and dreams and give them the wisdom of his gentle direction. He is a loving example of his own wisdom. He knows how to play with them, to have fun, to let them jump all over him even if he is tired” (The Catholic Family, p. 26). It means also that a father must forgive them countless times for disobeying, for not listening, for doing the opposite of what they are asked to do. The father needs to be patient, being consistent in correcting, being available and loving unconditionally. The father must be a man of service, one who knows how to be affectionate and tender, yet ready to correct or discipline when necessary. Indifference, overindulgence or tyranny on the part of parents often leads to resentment in children. Direction and training are an integral part of raising children. “It is the kind father who is quick to discipline… the man who exercises his authority who is a friend of his child” (Head of the Family, p. 49).
Catholic pro-life fathering is one in which the Eucharist has an essential and principal role as the primary source of grace and spiritual life. It is the traditional and most efficacious way a family can praise, thank, and petition God, and offer themselves and their lives to their heavenly Father in union with the Holy Sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ. It is important for the father to cultivate a spirit of reverence of the Mass in children by fostering a prayerful and attentive attitude beginning at home, using preparation exercises and common sense. It is helpful to create a merit system based on acceptable and unacceptable behaviour with appropriate rewards. Efforts should be made to make sure that the rewards are associated with affectionate and attentive responses from the parents in the Church proper. It is a time of religious instruction for the father and mother as well: pointing out moments of special significance; giving short explanations at key parts of the Mass; bringing the children along when going to receive Holy Communion. The father who frequents Mass, daily if possible, with his wife and children, through his example, teaches his children that the Mass is a priority, of great importance to his life and should be for them as well. “Good example is the most efficacious apostolate. You must be a lighted lantern and shine like brilliant chandeliers among men. By your example, and your words, animate others to know and love God” (St. Mary Joseph Rossello, Fathering, p. 35).
The father should try to lead family prayer, mornings and evenings, and before and after meals when possible. In this way, he helps create an environment, an atmosphere, reinforcing his and their personal need for prayer, demonstrating an active Christian life, centered on God. The time before children go to bed is especially effective for sharing and enacting Bible stories. They love to learn about the Holy Family, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph in their everyday lives. The religious atmosphere should be one in which being counts more than doing, in which living the life of Christ is the standard that is held above all else. Deeds, rather than words, should set the tone for the family sanctuary. Building up family traditions and rituals, sharing and the celebrating in the rhythms of liturgical Church life can help to focus on the real meaning of the seasons (e.g.: Christ’s birth: Christmas; Christ’s Resurrection: Easter). A paternal blessing with Holy Water, followed by a brief prayer to the guardian angel or patron saint, before tucking the children into bed for the night is a practice well worth the time and effort. In such an action, the father is blessed by recognizing these responsibilities as a channel of grace for his children. The children are bonded to the Father by their fathers: “The child who goes to bed with the touch of the father’s hands upon his head and words of the father’s blessing still fresh in his ears is a child secure in the knowledge of the love not only of an earthly father, but of the Father in heaven” (Head of the Family, p. 69). Children are to be raised as holy dwelling places for God’s presence on earth, by their father and mother.
Children today are often formed by the mass media of television, movies and the Internet, with their peer group being the next strongest influence. To counteract any negative influences, fathers and mothers must strive to be a positive influence in the home, accepting the responsibility that they are the primary teachers in education and faith. Every opportunity should be taken advantage of to answer the many, many questions that children ask their fathers, using these occasions to promote their spiritual and moral growth. Training children in the use of ‘free will’ will help them towards independence of action and replace negative harmful practices with positive Christian ones, preparing to cope with the real world. The responsibility to raise correctly a new life for God in wisdom and holiness is one of the main tasks of a father. It is possible only if he is a man of faith, hope, and love, living according to the standard of Christ - the unity of His Cross and Resurrection.
One of the primary duties of a father is to provide for the welfare of his family. This is both a material and spiritual duty. The greatest gift fathers give their children is love, for love is the gift of themselves. Fathers must get their priorities straight. “Do not labour for the food which perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life” (Jn 6:27). Bread on the table is fine but the true Bread from Heaven gives us eternal life.
The present anti-life values in our society create great challenges for today’s fathers and families. It promotes a relativism and secularism that attacks religion through a death culture. Through Christian fathers, God brings more love into the world, more saints. The practical pro-life fatherhood as one author describes it “is the crown of manhood, the insignia of a man’s maturity” (Head of the family), p. xv). +
Bibliography and Recommended Reading:
Clayton C. Barbeau, Head of the Family, Sophia Press, 1990, pp. 131.
Deacon Dr. Bob McDonald, The Catholic Family: Image and Likeness of God, Vol 1, Queenship Publishing Co., 1999, pp. 226.
Christopher de Vink, Fathering, Madonna House Publications, 2000, pp. 49.