Demand for Sports Equipment

Note: This was written before our school FINALLY answered my prayers and bought some new equipment. Still, feel free to read it just for fun. 

We’ve all been there. Well, maybe not the ones who haven’t touched grass in a few years, but…still. That tense moment when you, head dizzy from a sprint across the field and a bloodstream full of buzzing adrenaline, clamber up stair rails and peer anxiously into the orange box of fate. Then, a split second later, your face says it all. Half an hour of surreal elation, or more commonly, the drop in your stomach as you frantically look around, counting your dwindling number of lucky stars that the soccer kids haven’t taken the last functioning ball to further abuse. So you wander about the field, bending down to rummage between the thin, crinkly blades of grass, searching for the tinge of artificial neons that just might signal the existence of a neglected rubber sphere, but to no avail. Your hunt is in vain, and so, dejected, you head back inside, all thoughts of fresh air evaporating along with the last drops of melting winter frost.

Depressingly, this ubiquitous problem faced by students of all ages could be completely circumvented with a simple solution. Here it is, in all its fantastic, mind-blowing glory: Buy new sports equipment.

Applause, please.

The facts are crystal clear. Lakeside has a lot of money. Volleyballs, soccer balls, and basketballs do not cost a lot of money*. Playing sports together spreads love and joy. Money is happiness, and though this correlation is not mathematically graphable, it is a fact that Lakeside has a large sum of money and a larger potential for happiness. By buying us some sports equipment with just a few Andrew Jackson face prints**, our school could increase the amount of happiness within our community by tenfold, leading to more friendships, leading to healthier mindsets, leading to better grades, leading to a beneficiary loop of jubilation and success, leading to ethical and economically-driven world leaders (compared to some current ones), leading to the end of world hunger, poverty, and —

Well, erm. I’m just kidding.

Not really.

But, to the Student Council, the Lakeside administration, our beloved P.E. teachers —

PLEASE BUY US SOME NEW SPORTS EQUIPMENT (and a lot of volleyballs).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*According to Walmart: The PLPPYFS Volleyball, Super Soft Volleyball Beach Volleyball Official Size 5 for Outdoor, Indoor, Pool, Gym, Training Premium Volleyball Equipment Durability Stability Sports Ball is currently $4.99, down from its original price of $8.99. Walmart’s best-seller, the Wilson Softplay Recreational Volleyball - Blue, Official Size, only costs $15.94. The Athletic Works Size 4 Soccer Ball, Blue is $9.98, but for a FEW more dollars, we could buy the adidas FIFA World Cup 26™ Trionda Soccer Club Ball ($34.99)!!!!! And lastly, basketballs – WILSON NBA DRV PLUS BLUE, WILSON NBA DRV PLUS BLUE costs $29.97.

  **Andrew Jackson was the 7th president of the United States of America and the face of the $20 bill.