McDonald's Takes a Sudden Healthy Turn!

Scientists announced on Tuesday that McDonald’s, well known for taking a toll on customers with its disgusting and extremely unhealthy food, is now far tastier and healthier. Can this news be true? 

McDonald’s is of course a renowned fast-food restaurant we’ve all heard of, though perhaps not eaten at. Mcdonald’s food is known to have high caloric density, unhealthy fat, and excess sugar, which aren’t beneficial for those of us that care.

However, on March 21, 2024, food scientists started testing different McDonald’s restaurants’ food, curious as to whether the rumors of improvement were true. The idea behind the test was born on a road trip among friends; they had dropped by a McDonald’s in Cali for a meal, and their interest was piqued. Their stop at McDonald’s was a last resort as a result of low gas (food and oil). With low hopes of finding good, filling food, the scientists entered the brightly colored restaurant. They were especially surprised when they took a bite of some Big Macs and found them delicious! The scientists were shocked. To quote two of them, “I had never tasted something as otherworldly as that burger!” and, “The moment we swallowed we knew we had to figure out how its taste had changed.”

After their meal, the researchers had a talk with the McDonald’s chefs and executives. McDonald’s President Joe Erlinger felt a bit annoyed and offended, but he told them, “We decided McDonald’s needs to rise from its shallow recipes and embrace healthier food for our beloved customers.” 

Pretty sketchy, right? The group of curious scientists thought so, too. They started conducting research. They launched a survey in which you pay $15 to choose a burger and drink from a McDonald’s anywhere across the state of California. After your meal, you rate the taste and compare it to past McDonald’s visits. The results were nearly unanimous: McDonald’s had undergone a remarkable transformation, elevating its standards in an unbelievable way.

Picture this: out of 749,404 restaurants in the United States, McDonald’s had been the 701,311th healthiest. Now, with new research, tests and surveys, the famous restaurant has jumped up to 101,002nd! This is a huge milestone for the unloved chain restaurant, and Joe Erlinger is excited to see a new wave of customers filing through the unnecessarily vivid red/yellow doors. 

These scientists are very glad to have stumbled upon McDonald’s and found a TRUSTABLE food source for generations to come. Hopefully, McDonald’s haters have those same thoughts, too. Find your local McDonald’s at https://www.mcdonalds.com/us/en-us/restaurant-locator.html. Bon Appetit!