Are Birthdays Overrated?

Birthdays are awesome. Wait, did I say awesome? I meant overrated. Birthdays might be a “miracle of joy” and a wonderful day for YOU, but there are billions of other people out there who have no idea that Tara M. actually exists or even has a birthday in November. I love seeing everybody’s expressions when the birthday kid gets the biggest slice of cake and everyone else gets a sliver that’s thin enough to get mistaken for a piece of paper. And of course, the parents’ favorite part is quite obviously the goodie bags. They absolutely LOVE the junk their little angels bring home. My parents are the biggest fans of all; if my sister brings home one of those useless spinny doodads, they walk over to the trash, open it and say, “Vida, what’s the right decision right now?” See? Parents love them!

Plus, birthday parties are incredibly misleading. A birthday party where everyone sings for you as if they’re all Grammy winners makes you believe you’re the center of the universe - no matter how conscious you are of your insignificance. Your date of birth is not special. Let me repeat that: your date of birth is not special. If your parents say, “HONEY! Wake up! It’s your big day!” you can feel good about correcting them to say, “Erm, actually, it’s 22 million different people’s ‘big day.’” 

Then, there’s the whole social catastrophe of who you do or don’t invite. I mean, what if I’m comfortable inviting someone, but not their friend? Then their friend is going to have this eternal grudge against me for not inviting them! This sounds like something I should ask Natalie, our amazing advice columnist. 

When it comes to the party itself, let’s be honest: who really has their birthday party at the exact time they were born (purposefully)? If I’m going to be all high and mighty about my milestone, I’ll at least do it when I’m actually born! If I was born at 11:30 p.m., why celebrate in the afternoon? I wasn’t even born yet! People stay up till midnight for New Year’s, so why not for birthdays?

Overall, birthdays are unnecessary, supply people with false hope and overconfidence, provide useless junk and are celebrated incorrectly. Next time your annual moment comes up, make sure to invite the right people, give out the best snacks, party at the right time, and most importantly, not get all haughty and arrogant when they “sing” your special song.