Lakeside to Enforce New Policies Next School Year

*This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons living or dead is entirely coincidental.*

Since our very own Dr. Kai Bynum has joined the Lakeside community, he has made many meaningful changes that will be enforced as of the next school year. Whether it be the chic uniform or the new lunch menu, join me as I delve deeper into what’s to come for the middle school.

Throughout my time at Lakeside, I’m sure I can speak for many when I say that I’ve found a deeper passion and desire to learn. From learning about NFTs in eighth-grade art to creating Chinese shadow puppets in Chinese, the classes at the middle school are all engaging yet informative! This is why I’m so excited to announce the new 9-hour school day, with even more time for academics in our schedules! 

The new school day will start a little bit earlier, at 7:20 a.m. Generally, students will have eight or nine classes in a day. The school day will end a little bit later as well, at 4:20 PM. If students have after-school clubs or sports, then pickup times may vary. We will still follow an ABC schedule; however, there will be shortened lunch periods of 20 minutes. School lunch will now consist mainly of raw vegetables and mustard, as studies from Harvard have proven this meal to be optimal for retaining knowledge. Another similar study from Harvard has proved that failing to maximize 11 AM to 1 PM as a study or learning time can cause severe damage to the development of your brain. I am especially excited for these adjustments, and I’m sure many of you are as well! 

Computers will now be banned in classrooms, and all homework assignments are to be completed with a quill and ink (Lakeside will provide these materials to students who need them). Now that many of our lives revolve around technology, Mr. Britto (Lakeside’s Director of Technology) stated that “it would be best if school was a screen-free environment.” A recent study conducted by Mr. Britto himself concluded that excessive exposure to screens will cause your neural synapses to intertwine, ultimately leading to many strange effects on your memory, like interminable brain farts. I don’t know about you, but I am especially grateful to Mr. Britto for being so considerate and taking his time to think about our developing adolescent brain. Writing with a quill sounds awesome to me!

Alongside the no-computer policy comes the “Ambidexterity Promotion Policy,” otherwise known as A.P.P. This policy was ingeniously created by Lakeside’s board of education, led by no other than… you guessed it, Dr. Bynum! As you can probably guess from the name, this policy restricts students to their non-dominant hand for completing homework assignments and writing in general. Students who are already ambidextrous will be required to learn to use their feet to write. Monthly tests will be conducted to ensure that students are taking this policy seriously and are showing improvement in ambidexterity. When I asked “Why this?” of all new policies, Bynum smiled and responded with just five words: “I thought it’d be cool!”

Lastly, and arguably most uniquely, there will now be a very strict school uniform: a neon yellow blazer and maroon sequined dress pants. As Mr. Foran (5-12 Visual Arts Department Head) said, “Wearing a uniform helps to enforce a deeper sense of community and lion pride, which is what we strive for at an amazing place like Lakeside.” Regardless of the season and weather, this will be the standard uniform. If you have any questions regarding any of these policies, feel free to reach out to policies@lakesideschool.org. However, it is important to know that there may be a slight delay (anywhere from a couple of days to a couple of decades) for a response, as the staff working the email are quite busy.

Raw vegetables, computer detox, and sequined pants… we’re really in for a treat! I’ve said it probably more than once and I’ll say it again: I cannot wait for these changes! If anyone else is feeling the same immense feelings of elation that I am, please reach out to me at brucev28@lakesideschool.org to chat. I hope you enjoyed learning a little bit more about what’s to come for Lakeside!