Ads for (Fake) School Supplies

~This article has fake ads in it. Do not attempt to buy any of these products.~

Combusting Paper

This paper, coming in sets of 200 apiece, has the incredible ability to…combust!! The paper lights on fire when you are done using it. Great for writing all your bad ideas on! The fire can blaze up to a temperature of 1,000 degrees Fahrenheit! This is a great way to reduce environmental damage! The gigantic amount of smoke every single sheet releases definitely won’t do anything to the atmosphere. Yay! You only need to write a vowel for the paper to combust! Here’s what one user wrote on the paper as a sample:

“Ths cmbstng pper s mzng! Yy!”

Buy this amazing product at badschoolsupplies.com for the low, low price of ninety thousand dollars! This is as low as it gets! It’s a real deal! Come and get it, everybody!

Black Whiteboards

This whiteboard is truly amazing! It is a whiteboard but BLACK!! Of course, black markers wouldn’t work on it, but you can use blue markers and maybe people might be able to see it? Warning: this IS NOT a blackboard. If you try to write on it with chalk, the nearest fire alarm will go off at maximum volume. (Don’t ask why.) Also, if you try to rub off the black paint erm, totally normal whiteboard substance, the nearest nuclear bomb will detonate! (Just don’t ask.) So don’t try it. This product is safety-approved and five-star rated! Buy it now at horriblesupplies.com! Only a hundred thousand dollars, so don’t wait up!

Lead Erasers

These erasers are made of pencil lead! Imagine there’s a mistake you want to correct. You can erase it with this super cool eraser that also helps you write! Imagine you forget your pencil. You can always just write with your eraser! This multi purposeful product also saves you money by helping you not have to buy both a pencil and an eraser, but just a lead eraser instead! Also useful for those who don’t know how to hold a pencil, because it’s way easier to hold an eraser! Just make a fist, and push the eraser in. Your handwriting may improve; it may not. Plus, this eraser is also super good at erasing! It won’t leave any of the marks you wanted to erase behind. You won’t even be able to see them through the gigantic black scribble the eraser leaves! Whoops, did I say that? Gotta go! Buy this product at notusefulsupplies.com for the amazingly cheap price of seventy thousand dollars!

GPS Lunchbox

This lunchbox is a marvel of technology! In addition to being able to store your lunch really well, this lunchbox also has built-in GPS, which means a screen built into the top shows where the lunchbox is on Google Maps! When you lose your lunchbox, simply check the screen on the top of the lunch box to see where it is. It’s a genius technology! Also, the button on the side of the lunch box turns on bright red flashing lights and sirens if you push it! That should make it almost impossible to…lose your lunch? Sorry, that doesn’t sound quite right. Anyway, buy this at thisisafakewebsitepleasedon’tgotoit.com for the super low price of five hundred thousand dollars! Because of the futuristic technology, it’s quite expensive cheap! It’s very cheap. See you at the store!

Safety Scissors

With these safety scissors, perfect for teachers and students, nobody will get a savage cut from sharp scissors ever again! This exceptional product solves the problem by replacing those sharp metal blades of death with pillow blades! These soft, squishy substances will help you do your art projects with the happy absence of the old fear of cutting yourself. Nobody will be cut today. Nothing will ever get cut by these scissors, for that matter. Nothing at all! However, your safety will always be a priority. Visit the website ridiculouslysafeproducts.com to buy this product and help everybody be safe, secure, and absolutely useless! Only eighty thousand dollars!