What's the Point of School?

It’s a common opinion that school is no fun, and this is probably true because, honestly, it's out-of-date. I mean, I think that homework expired about a hundred years ago, and LME, well, it went bad the day it was created. (Sorry, Mr. Rona, but maybe a glass of milk won’t help.)

To start, school takes up more brain cells than it’s worth. It doesn’t value speaking skills, and this is most frequently reflected in the students that are favored in school settings. To a teacher, the best student is a silent little robot brainwashed into having no opinions but with the ability to churn out dry, stinky MEALs. While those students get told how good they are, the loud and confident students get disciplined because teachers only want to teach students who sit in silent rows, oblivious to the fact that opinions are the most important part of life. (Totally not like I’m biased or anything, being in Opinion.) This doesn’t make any sense when public speaking is one of the only skills we need in our modern lives. In fact, according to reliablesource.ai, “233% of people report that they think public speech would be a really good trait to have,” and “724% of people feel ‘almost too scared to open their mouths’ in public settings.” This shows how public speaking is a crucial skill, but one that not enough people are well-practiced in. If schools taught this important skill rather than criticizing it, people would be more prepared for their lives.

Not only this, but school is inefficient. When a kid goes to school, they’re wasting fourteen years of their life on learning things they don’t need to know. Think about it - out of the nearly two billion kids on earth, how many will use the fact that the slopes of perpendicular lines are negative reciprocals on a job application? In what context is knowing the meaning of an adverb truly, really, actually useful in real life? What’s the point of all those art classes that just teach you how to practice and refine crafts? Honestly, nobody ever uses that in life, and it would be so much better if students could just learn about topics they liked. For example, I'd love to take a class on being a pet psychic. Palmistry and reading crystal balls - that’s my passion! 

Also, school focuses on keeping students busy. Students are given stacks of homework every night, each assignment’s sole purpose being busywork, which doesn’t even help with learning! A teacher’s ultimate goal is to make Canvas crash from the amount of homework that’s assigned. It’s like when they become teachers their eyes change and they look at students and see bees.

My fellow students, I appeal to you: never come to school again! School is useless! If you want to learn, you should come to my new online tutoring center, where you can learn to become a pet psychic (an actual job!). It’s called the Pet Psychic School, and we charge only $50,000 per course!