Dear Leo: Advice Column

Welcome to the first edition of the 2024 Dear Leo advice column! Thank you to everyone who asked such thoughtful and interesting questions in this first issue. I tried to answer as many as I could, and I will answer some more from this month in the next issue. If you have a question, big or small, that you need advice on, just fill out the form in the Daily when it comes around. Any questions would be greatly appreciated!

Dear Leo: 

I'm worried about the rest of the upcoming school year. I plan on participating in so many extracurricular activities in and outside of school, but I'm stressed out about whether I'll be able to balance out homework 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭What should I do? Get lots of homework extensions? Quit an extracurricular activity? Something else?

-the

Dear the,

I totally understand this situation! It can be super tough deciding what to do with your time and how much effort to put into your activities. For what you can do, I would say it depends on how you feel about the amount of time you have to commit to certain activities. If you feel completely overwhelmed for weeks and you don’t have time for anything, thinking about quitting an activity might be a good idea. If you’re participating in an activity that you often dread going to or are doing just for someone else, and you feel okay not doing it, feel free to leave! You can always come back to that activity next year if you have more time. 

Something that has really helped me on this subject of feeling overwhelmed is just the notion that it’s totally okay to take a short break from an activity to do something else or just totally decompress. It’s okay to skip chess club for a week to finish your really important English project, or opt out of the next competition in math club to prioritize your sleep. You would probably be surprised at the number of others at this school who are facing this same situation, and no one will judge you if you need some more downtime. 

On the subject of extensions, you should definitely ask for an extension if you need one and are prioritizing your sleep, mental health, etc., but you don’t want to be known as the person who asks for an extension on every other assignment. This can be hard to keep track of for you and frustrating for the teacher if you don’t seem to be getting anything done on time. Additionally, you would probably be surprised at how few extensions you actually need, even with a lot of extracurriculars. Others in your classes are also probably feeling the same way, and your teachers will listen to you if a lot of people in your class need more time on an assignment. You might surprise yourself with how quickly you can finish your homework if you take a good chunk of time to just focus on it. I hope you can find a great balance that works for you - you’ve got this!

Dear Leo: 

How do I deal with test-related stress?

-Skibidi Sigma

Dear Skibidi Sigma,

This is such a relatable question! It’s so easy to get super stressed out by a test, especially when it counts a lot towards your performance in the class. Just to stress something you probably know already, however: you are not your grade. Getting a bad grade just means you should probably review some of the material on the test, not that you aren’t smart or are not a good person. I have a few ideas for you to be able to manage your stress, and hopefully they can help you!

1. Prepare. This can seem super obvious and is probably the answer you will get from a lot of people on how to deal with stress, but it can be extremely helpful. Even if you just make a Quizlet flashcard set and review them for a few minutes, just knowing that you prepared and are ready for this test will definitely help you with stress management. Even if you don’t have hours at home to study with zero distractions or even a free period/study hall, just going over your notes or asking someone to quiz you in advisory will make you feel better about the test and perform better as well.

2. Don’t let it be the only thing on your mind. If you only think of your test day and let that occupy your mind, that will make you way more nervous and lead to a bunch of unnecessary anticipation. I like to think of something else I’m excited for, or something interesting not related to my test for that day. That way it’s not only “test day” but more of a normal day. If you’re just totally consumed by the fact that you have a test soon, your stress will probably skyrocket and the days before will just feel like buildup, but normalizing it will definitely help you.

3. Talk with friends! If you have friends in the same class as you, they will almost definitely be just as stressed as you are and can be a great outlet for stress. A friend in your class can be super helpful by quizzing you on the material, giving some insight on good techniques for that test, or just supporting you and helping you feel better and more confident about the test. 

I hope these ideas help you! Good luck :)

Dear Leo: 

If someone who is my friend likes me, but I don't, what should I do?

-6th grader

Dear 6th grader,

This sounds like a tough situation. It can be really complicated to resolve relationship issues, especially with someone who you consider a friend. I will remind you, though: it’s totally ok to not like someone; you can’t really control your feelings. Those are also always subject to change. You shouldn’t feel a need to like someone or want to form a different kind of relationship with them just because they like you. 

If your friend doesn’t seem to have the capability to understand this, it might be hard to still be good friends with them. You should probably give them a little space to process their feelings because rejection can still be hard (but ok). If they still want to be friends, that’s great and your relationship as friends probably won’t suffer as much as you think, or not at all! If they don’t really talk to you as much or your interactions become awkward, don’t think of it as your fault. Like I said before, you can’t control who you like, and hopefully, your friend knows that as well. Hopefully, you can maintain a good friendship!

Dear Leo: 

Anything you can do when you are lonely when you feel like you don't fit in?

-6th Grader

Dear 6th Grader,

This is a good question! “Fitting in” is such a universal struggle, especially at a (maybe) new school. However, I would say that lots of popular culture often exaggerates the need to be part of a certain part of friend group or clique: contrary to Mean Girls, you will still be accepted with your friends if you choose to sit somewhere else at lunch for a day, not go to an event that others are going to, etc. 

If you’re looking for more friends, one tip is definitely to bring your unique personality. You will feel much more genuine if you’re expressing yourself and not just trying to be like everyone else. It can also come off as a little strange if you just copy others for social cues. Others will understand you better and bond with you more if you come off as your own person and not just as “someone from the group.” 

Also, like what has been said in previous advice columns, try to bond with others! Just having a dependable friend can make navigating social, academic, and general life so much easier. Your advisory, your classes, and especially group projects can be a great place to meet new people and find a group of friends. Even just asking someone a question you had on your homework can lead to a good friendship. Thank you for your question!

Hope you enjoyed reading these questions! Again, fill out the form to ask for advice :)