Velcro, the hidden killer that puts us all in danger for eternity.

Did you know Velcro could potentially cause cancer? Did you know you could kill generations of your family just by not knowing the hidden hazards of your potentially murderous shoes? You probably didn’t, but in this article, the nasty secrets of Velcro are revealed!

When you wear a pair of Velcro shoes, you aren’t even wearing official shoes! Should a shoe that puts us all in a line of death be classified as a SHOE? Plus, even though Velcro can be easier and far faster than laced shoes for tightening, we all know that usually a lot of simple, easy things (like Velcro) are just too good to be true. In Velcro’s case, worldwide destruction is the consequence. 

Now, some people don’t mean to hurt lives and just have never learned to tie their shoes, resulting in wearing Velcro. That is okay for now, but throughout this article, I will work to fix this misunderstanding. Continuing this defiant behavior of hurting our planet after this article, however, is out of the question. These pro-Velcro beliefs are where it all goes wrong. Now, while I might seem harsh, and while there is NO SHAME IN WEARING VELCRO SHOES, you are missing out on a community of (real) shoe wearers, that you as a Velcro-Wearer have yet to notice, hopefully noticing in the next few paragraphs. 

So I know what you’re thinking: Why exactly are Velcro shoes so dangerous? Well, Velcroed shoes are made of nylon, which uses petroleum. That means that Velcro is a harmful chemical. 

Another downside of Velcro is formaldehyde and dioxane, cancer-causing agents that come from synthetic materials in Velcro which pose a very real threat to velcro-wearers and innocent lace-wearers. Velcro takes thousands of years to biodegrade (fancy term for rot), and even if it did biodegrade, the hazardous chemicals would be released when it disintegrates. 

Finally, when you wear velcro shoes, you’re joining harmful clubs and hurting innocent people, and that is just plain mean. When you yourself don’t learn the art of tying shoes you are killing generations of your family, as they most likely won’t learn and womp womp, here comes a near-death situation. Oh no! They don’t know how to tie laces! They die, or get seriously injured and get mentally scarred, forever…. Looks like it was all YOUR FAULT! But seriously, wearing velcro shoes is harming the earth, and that needs to stop.

Now, lacers, Velcroers, booters, just shoesers, what do you think of Velcro now?

Share with your friends, talk about it! If this was on Youtube, share in the comments below! And promise me that you will try your hardest to do your part to save the world and vanquish that Velcro! That should be our chant: “Vanquish that Velcro!”

So go on, make a difference in this already doomed (yet flourishing) world. Make a banner of our chant, chat with you friends for just 3 minutes about this (awesome) article. Write about it. Share this information with the world. You think the average person would go on youtube searching if Velcro is safe? NO! So, tell them anyway! Who knows? Maybe one day in the future the world is a Velcro-free place! We won’t know until we do it. 

Get out there and “Vanquish that VELCRO!”