Taylor Swift Runs for President

In an unexpected move, Taylor Swift announced that she would be running for president. She will be a part of an independent party and promises to bring more joy to the country through music. Advanced artificial intelligence models like ChatGPT 19.89 have predicted that her chances of winning are meager, because of her unusual lack of a political background. Even through the dim hopes, her fans, nicknamed “Swifties,” have staged big protests to rally support for their favorite music creator. One of their arguments is that there are enough Swifties in the United States to give Taylor a victory. Shockingly, the fans might be right.

Joe Biden and Donald Trump both fear her campaign because of her popular, music-driven, music-driven policies. 

However, she has a fierce rival: Jake Gyllenhaal, another independent. Gyllenhaal has rallied many supporters, and he plans to outlaw red scarves and rebuild the floppy disc industry.

In the Ohio State primaries, a massive upset occurred in the ballot boxes. To give perspective, we interviewed a professional player of the triangle, Alex H., and he shared his experiences with toxic Swifties from the infamous state of Ohio, who tried to antagonize him into supporting Tay-Tay.

Traumatized, he shared, “One extremely loyal supporter told me, ‘Jake isn’t her boyfriend! Jake isn’t a god! Jake isn’t the breeze in her hair on the weekend, nor is Jake a relaxing thought!’. Also, there’s a rumor going around that Taylor’s going to make 'Cruel Summer' the American National Anthem - and she just confirmed it on Instagram two seconds ago!” After stating this, Alex, apparently bewitched by Tay-Tay, had a minor awakening, and became an honorary “Preppy Gurlie.”

Out of the estimated 12 million residents of Ohio, 47.5% of the population said that they support Swift. Ohio seems to support Tay-Tay more than Jake at this point, but Jake still received 44.5% of the votes. 3.5% voted for President Joe Biden and 3.5% voted for former President Donald Trump. The one surprise, though, was candidate LeBron James receiving 0.9% of the votes even though he dropped out of the race when Tay-Tay entered. However, in most other states, candidates with political backgrounds have most of the votes.

Swifties who are supporting T-Swizzle’s campaign and supporters of Gyllenhaal often fight with each other. The two candidates dated for three months before he dumped her over the phone. Jake’s supporters propose that they start dating again, while Swifties staunchly screech in excessively off-key vocals, “THEEEEEY ARE NEVER EVER EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER!!!”

As the race develops, we’ll continue to see how the vote turns out. When the results come in, everyone will hold their breath and see if Taylor Swift will become president.