Dear Leo: Advice Column

Welcome to the final installment of the Dear Leo Advice Column for the 2024-2025 school year! Thanks to everyone who submitted their relatable, mystifying, engaging, and occasionally concerning questions to the form. 

Dear Leo,

What should I do if I'm being shipped with someone that I'm just friends with?

-anonymous (and many others)

Dear anonymous,

Unfortunately, friends being shipped together is becoming increasingly common. Especially if your friend is a different gender, there are lots of stereotypes and assumptions that you are dating. Whoever is shipping you is probably doing it to annoy you and mess with you, however. If you don’t give your friend a lot of attention and don’t appear really mad at them, they might get bored of shipping you with your friend. It could also be more effective to gently deny it instead of providing an entertaining reaction. You can also offer a reminder that just because you spend time with someone doesn’t mean you like each other. The more annoyed you appear, or the more dramatic things you say, the more your friends will enjoy shipping you and your friend. 

Also, everyone should try not to ship other friends together-and you should set a good example by doing this. That way, you won’t be called a hypocrite by your friends. The whole community should work against these stereotypes to help everyone avoid these uncomfortable situations. Shipping also reinforces the stereotype that heterosexual relationships should be the “norm.” To create a more accepting and inclusive environment, we should all stop assuming friends are dating.

Dear Leo,

I have some friends who I am kind of close with, but there is a problem. It feels like any time I'm hanging out with one person, it's fine and we get along, but when another person comes, I just get completely ignored. I feel like a backup friend, but I don't want to lose these friendships. What should I do?

-confuzzled hooman

Dear confuzzled hooman,

I understand how this can be difficult. Feeling like a secondary option for your friends (someone who they talk to when their primary option isn’t available) can be lonely and frustrating. When all of your friends are together, you could try to initiate more conversations and show your personality. If you have the mindset that your friends want to ignore you and it isn’t worth it to try to talk to them, you won’t make as many connections. You may even feel worse. If you start a conversation that involves you, however, your friends will connect with you more. If you can keep it going, you can form stronger friendships. Additionally, connecting with one friend at a time outside of school can help you become less of a backup and feel more accepted when all of your friends are together. If each friend really values you as a friend, they’ll want to include you in the group more as a result. If none of this is working and you still feel like a backup, it might be time to branch out and see if there are other groups that would be more accepting to you. You should be in a friend group that values you, and if your current friends just aren’t doing that, you can get some distance from them. Good luck!

Dear Leo,

When I feel extremely overwhelmed, what should I do to keep myself calm?

-MarionMan

Dear MarionMan,

Here are a few strategies that I use:

• Try really hard to stop what you’re doing and take a break. Even if it feels easier to try to push through all your work, you’ll be more productive if you don’t feel super overwhelmed and stressed. Keira in seventh grade told me an acronym behind feeling overwhelmed: HAT (hungry, angry, or tired). By identifying which one you’re feeling at any given time, it’s easier to know what to do to feel better. Also, even though everyone says this, if it’s late, just go to bed. If it’s homework that’s stressing you out, you can take an extension, and your teacher will understand.

• Don’t be too perfectionistic (which is much easier said than done). It’s generally better to do most or all of your assignments, projects, or whatever else is feeling overwhelming in an imperfect way and still get enough sleep than to try to do one or two absolutely perfectly.

• Set timers, if that works for you. Sometimes, timers can be stressful, but they can help you get everything done and calm down. According to Parkinson’s Law, (often cited in seventh-grade English), “work expands to fill the time allowed for it.” Sometimes, the only way to feel less overwhelmed is just to get stuff done.

• Go outside! As discussed in the last issue of the Leo, going outside can calm you down and boost your endorphins. Taking a walk, playing a sport, or even just eating a snack outside can help you feel more in control and less overwhelmed.