Fish Are Taking Over The World and How We Missed it

Fish are taking over the world! Why haven’t the big news sites told us? Because they’re in complete denial. First, a list of the small signs that we completely ignored:

1. They’ve been poisoning us. We’re not exactly sure what it is, but when we eat fish, they release a poison in the omega-3 fatty acids.

2. Mind control. They have total control over our emotions. 

3. They have slowly started to crawl onto land, as seen with multiple fish like mudskippers. 

One recent fateful day, the 20th of February, fish geared up with scuba tanks filled with water, the ropefish leading them all.

They marched out of all their lakes and seas and took over the nearby human settlements, disguising themselves as humans by putting themselves where their brains used to be and controlling them. 

The real reason CNN and other news networks haven’t told us about it because their leader has become a fish. Sir Mark Thompson himself (the head of CNN) has been taken over by a goldfish, and Donald Trump is being controlled by a tuna. 

Here at Lakeside, we have been lucky because there has been a bit of an argument between the Pacific Northwest fish. Despite several battles, they have not chosen which fish should command the Pacific Northwest army. Rumor has it the salmon could be chosen soon. If you remember that crazy snowstorm in January, that was actually caused by an outbreak of violence between salmon and rockfish. 

However, they may come for us soon. By looking at diagrams stolen from the fish, a small group of rebel fighters has estimated they will attack in May or June. Currently, we have one reliable spy source. 

Fish have corrupted most of our hard drives, erasing everything that leads to their exposure. Somehow, this article slipped through their fingers. On a separate hard drive on a device with no outside connection, I have multiple gigabytes of evidence gathered via my drone. It includes blueprints of their underwater base, aptly named piscus paradiscus, or fish paradise. There are many smaller bases, but the main one is in the Niger Delta Forest. That’s where their center of operations is, and the only way to stop the invasions is to disable it. 

For those intrepid young daredevils who want to try it, beware: it is heavily guarded by bull sharks. As a final note and warning: Be careful who you can trust. Your best friend may be controlled by a minnow.

DO NOT TRUST THIS ARTICLE. IT IS DESIGNED TO TEACH YOU NOT TO GO AROUND TRUSTING EVERYTHING. IF YOU WANT SOME LEGIT WRITING ABOUT FISH, CHECK OUT THE NEWS STORY ABOUT HOW TO CREATE YOUR OWN FISHTANK!