Demeter's Fictional Visit to Lakeside

(Before)

Demeter caresses a stalk of wheat beneath her slender fingertips, inspecting it for bugs and blight. She contemplates every intricate detail, such as the jewels of dewdrops residing on the stalk. “Such a perfection! Pity most mortals (and immortals) don’t appreciate the beauties of agriculture enough,” she says. The goddess brushes a strand of dark caramel hair from her ponytail, illuminated by the dawn. “Harvesting would be a lot easier if Persephone was here, but a certain god had to kidnap her,” Demeter says pointedly. “Oh well, I might as well make this easier for myself.”

She sweeps her arm in a magnificent arc, and her scythes fly out and cut down all the wheat. Then, they return to her side with a dramatic shower of grains. Demeter wipes the dewdrops from her precious scythes with a sigh. Suddenly, someone gulps behind her. Someone with a very familiar voice. “What is it, Hermes? Make it quick. I’m busy,” Demeter says, annoyed.

“I have a message of utmost importance from Zeus-”

“Nothing is more important than my wheat, Hermes.”

“Sure, sure,” Hermes says, glancing nervously at her scythes. “You have to go down to Lakeside Middle School and ask some students about their culture. Since your wheat is even more important, but you can’t refuse a direct order from Zeus, I grant you permission to just ask the fifth graders. There should be enough diversity. Report back to me when you are done, and…take this clipboard. The questions are on there,” he tells her.

“Are you allowed to change a direct order from Zeus?”

“Probably not, but I would do anything for my favorite aunt.”

Hermes takes off, flying away to complete his next task. Demeter gazes wistfully at the field of wheat, then picks up the clipboard.

(After)

Demeter strolls through the doors of Lakeside Middle School, admiring the art. “Hello, I am Demeter,” she says, and with a flick of her fingers, a rose blooms. “I need an audience with the fifth graders. Now.”

“I believe you,” Ms. Kennedy says. 

The fifth graders are called to the library during lunch. “Hello, mortal children. I am Demeter, goddess of agriculture. I have some questions for you,” Demeter exclaims, spreading her arms wide. Cherry blossom petals fall from her arms in a wave of soft pinks and reds. 

“Can we ask you some questions first?” the fifth graders ask.

“Of course. Ask away.”

“Does it bother you that your daughter Persephone married your brother? Also, do goddesses even sweat?” they ask. Demeter blinks.

“I never thought of it that way. I really don’t know. I do mind that he kidnapped my daughter, though. And…goddesses only sweat if they want to. Now, the questions!”

(Demeter’s Clipboard)

Question 1: What is one thing you enjoy about your culture?

Question 2: What is one thing people misunderstand about your culture?

Anonymous fifth grader #1

1. Trying different things

2. Asian parents are strict

Anonymous fifth grader #2

1. Learning about your ancestors

2. They think that Jewish people are just white

Anonymous fifth grader #3

1. Everything, and food especially.

2. I don’t know

Anonymous fifth grader #4

1. Food and celebrations

2. Study a lot, parents are strict

Conclusions

Fifth graders don’t like having their names mentioned. That might just be Zeus’s fault, though. He is pretty intimidating. They like food for reasons I can’t comprehend, and there are a lot of misunderstandings in the mortal world. Their parents are not strict??? I can’t tell.

(Back at Mount Olympus)

“Why are fifth graders so vague?” Zeus asks. “Hermes, tell me, does the king of the gods have to march over there and wring the answers out of them?”

“Of course not, my lord,” Hermes answers. “I guess you can always get Demeter to do it again…”