The Heart's Obstructions

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Introduction

Mon Dec 10 16:21:13 2012

To: All ( Taliena Imm Religion )

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There was, not too long ago, a pair of discussions on virtue and sin,

respectively. The latter continues to linger in my mind. Perhaps it was

the presence of Kantillies and his warning of the plagues that crystallized

the memory for me. Perhaps the subject of "sin" provoked questions from

some recess of my own heart. I cannot say for certain, I can only continue

asking questions.

I will be producing a series of short essays over the next several days on

what I consider "Obstructions" upon the heart's path: Desire, aversion,

sloth, restlessness and doubt. During my exploration of these Obstructions

I will avoid words like "sin" or "virtue," and I will avoid coloring my

thoughts in terms of Light and Dark. Though I write these words on my own

path to Taliena, I invite anyone, regardless of creed or political

affiliation, to consider them.

A few quick notes:

Throughout my essays I will inevitably use language specific to Taliena's

faithful. One phrase I have used already, "the heart's path" is one I

borrow from Her prophet, Elrei. It is based upon a particularly simple, yet

infinitely profound request that She lays upon her followers: "Follow your

heart." If talk of hearts or of love is something that upsets you, feel

free to leave it behind where these essays are concerned. I would not have

religious talk distract from the meaning. By "the heart's path" I mean only

that simple calling from within. Whether it is something you are born with

or something you discover through the many trials and errors of life, each

of us has some small purpose on this mortal plane. To "follow your heart"

is to realize that purpose.

When one first sets out on their heart's path, they will likely find that

the task is not so simple as the phrase itself. Whether it is the quest for

spiritual fulfillment, political advancement, the cultivation of some skill

or perhaps a pursuit of the arts, one will quickly discover a resistance to

that path. A hindrance. An obstruction from within.

These Obstructions--desire, aversion, sloth, restlessness and doubt--are not

cosmic forces that sway us in a particular direction. They are not the

domain of the gods. They are inanimate, impartial, impersonal and immensely

specific to every individual who carries them. They are not things to be

purged or attacked. They are a part of us. They are things to study.

Things to understand. Things to navigate.

I do not wish to make the case, for example, that it is inherently wrong to

have desire. Nor is it a personal failing to feel angry, or tired, or

ill-at-ease. They are not sins in and of themselves. They are only

dangerous insofar as they prevent us from seeing ourselves and our world

clearly--and in so doing, they bar us from our path.

These essays are the results of my own investigations. I do not expect them

to serve as a map for anyone else, but I do hope they may help others to

more clearly see their own paths and the obstructions that lay upon them.

To see oneself clearly and honestly is a beautiful thing. It is how we

adjust and adapt to whatever paths we choose in life. It is how we bring

those blessings to the world that only we, in our own individual ways, can

provide.

Go forth, then, and know thyself.

--Sister Leema--

Healer of the Gray Church

Deacon of Taliena

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Desire

Sat Dec 15 20:25:20 2012

To: All ( Taliena Imm Religion )

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Like many of the world's paths, the heart's path has many forks,

diversions, and detours. In this case, "Obstruction" may not be the best

word as Desire is often our greatest catalyst for motion.

When it comes to desire, people's views can get fairly extreme. Some

consider indulging in every passing desire to be the ultimate goal of life,

regardless of the cost. Others may consider desires to be "sinful" burdens

that, when indulged, corrupt the soul. Both of these views, as with any

extreme perspective, are quite limiting.

To avoid dwelling too much on the negatives, I would first like to consider

the benefits of desire.

There are many noble desires. The desire to protect one's family, kingdom

or clan. There is also the desire to pursue a spiritual path, or to express

oneself in the arts. Even seeking to establish oneself with a degree of

security or even influence in a community can stem from perfectly noble

desires. It is a good thing to be motivated, and those desires that start

us on and see us through our paths are things to be remembered and

appreciated.

But as with any path, there are many others that spring off and away from

it--often carrying its follower backwards, into dangers, or to nowhere at

all. The desires of the senses that can do this most easily.

Sensory pleasure is not necessarily a bad thing. The beauty of sunrise, the

smell of a rose, the embrace of a lover, good food or a favorite song--these

things bring texture and joy into our lives. They bring us in to fully

experience the present moment with deep clarity and appreciation. A

fragrant cup of tea, for example, can be quite meditative when enjoyed

mindfully. And it is hardly a coincidence that Taliena's shrines are both

excellent for peaceful reflection and extraordinarily beautiful.

But we most always be wary of the dangers of excess. When we allow our

actions to be controlled by desire, we lose our ability to see ourselves and

our path clearly. Desire can tint our vision, making its object

irresistibly appealing in the short term. Very quickly we can forget the

long-term consequences of our actions. Important work goes undone,

addictions deepen, dependency grows. Freedom is lost as we become slave to

our own fleeting whims. In extreme cases, intemperate desire can cause

hearts to break and trust to be irretrievably lost as a person's reliability

is lost to a spiral of unfulfilled need.

So be mindful of your desires. Enjoy life, but do not be controlled by every

pang of want. Understand your boundaries and find your own freedom. It is

good to know what you want. It is far better to understand why.

--Sister Leema--

Healer of the Gray Church

Deacon of Taliena

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Aversion

Fri Jan 4 12:18:23 2013

To: All ( Taliena Imm Religion )

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We all make enemies, if I may generalize. Even if only within ourselves.

Those of the light call it corruption. Those of the darkness call it

weakness. Each and every one of us has experienced a deep (sometimes

soul-deep) resistance to someone or something, either internal or external.

Left unchecked, this feeling of resistance grows and spreads like a

sickness. Anger, hatred, rage. These are extreme manifestations of the

Obstruction of Aversion.

It is important to distinguish this point: Aversion is not, in itself, a bad

thing. It is, in fact, a perfectly natural thing. We are a world of people

with our own individual hearts, minds, ambitions and desires. It is

perfectly understandable that our own individual will would be challenged,

and it is perfectly normal to meet that challenge with some aversion, some

resistance. The simple fact is, in this world, there are just some things

we do not like.

One must not be complacent. There are always things that can be changed for

the better. There will always be people one wishes to protect. My warning

here is a simple one: Do not let your aversions obstruct you.

In following that desire for change, it can become very easy to justify a

certain unhealthy hostility. There is a compulsive hatred that can grow

from our displeasure which limits us and hurts others, sometimes in very

deep ways. In the throes of anger things can be said, hurts can be made,

that one cannot take back. There is an old expression that rings quite

true: "It can take years to build up a trusting friendship, and only moments

to destroy it."

I know there are some who hold the passion of rage sacred. I do not. Some

will defend anger as something that gives them strength, perhaps because the

way strength arises in the body feels quite similar to anger. There is a

certain power in anger, but it is my personal belief that extreme emotions,

like rage or hatred (or even infatuation,) do not sustain themselves well.

Unsustainable emotions, at some point or another, become limiting, and it

can become very easy to create a division, an animosity, within and towards

oneself. The result is always suffering.

Consider the cost. Consider the consequences. Investigate your aversions

with wise discernment. As anger arises, consider why it is there and how it

arises. Consider the way it shapes your attitudes and actions. Consider

the way it affects your path.

Sister Leema

Healer of the Gray Church

Deacon of Taliena

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Sloth

Thu Jan 10 17:45:42 2013

To: All ( Taliena Imm Religion )

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Sloth, as an Obstruction, presents some fairly unique, yet incredibly

commonplace challenges to our daily lives. Also known as laziness,

complacency, apathy, listlessness, and a myriad other synonyms, the

Obstruction of Sloth is particularly difficult because it often comes in to

stop us just as we are beginning our path, and will persistently return

throughout.

It is something you can feel in your body. A creeping muddiness that saps

motivation, passion and enthusiasm for anything that takes even the smallest

effort to enjoy. While there is much to be said for gentle and relaxed

quiet, I doubt there is anyone in the world who would advocate feeling

useless.

The more interesting question about Sloth, then, is not how it obstructs us,

but how it may be overcome. There are many good methods worth mentioning,

but I think my favorite is thus: Energy begets energy. Through even the

simplest forward action of getting out of bed in the morning, one sets in

motion a sort of momentum for the rest of their day. In finding ways to

express oneself more effectively, whether in the mastery of a skill or just

day-to-day duties, a person can find the motivation to constantly push

themselves towards a deeper understanding and involvement with the world

around and within them.

Of course, this is not always a satisfying solution for someone already

deeply entrenched in Sloth. "Where," one might ask, "does one find that

initial push to act? To which I suggest, "start simple." Physical activity

is one of the greatest possible places to start. Gentle stretches, a short

walk, tugging on your earlobes... Even forcing yourself to sit up with a

little more alertness when you rest can affect body in a profound way. If

the problem is a sleepiness of the mind, try actively contemplating the

subtleties of your own internal world--of your thoughts and your body.

As with all the Obstructions, the best thing a person can do is study it.

Know the way your Sloth feels in your body. Know the way it suffocates your

thinking mind. Know it so well that you could write volumes upon volumes on

the nature of your own personal expressions of laziness. Know it without

judgment. Know it for what it is. Know it with wisdom. It will dissolve

before your very eyes.