Should Have Said...

Using should have said ...

- Provides a mindset shift
- Forces cognitive processing
- Offers opportunity for reframing

Implementation

Overview

- Should have said is a statement introduced and used within a community
- It requires a universal understanding of its intentions which are to offer the opportunity for someone to think through their initial response and alter it with consideration to the others it has impacted.
- "Should have said" is used in a respectful tone and not as a degrading or demeaning process.
- "Should have said" can be used by peers and by adults to support reflection.
- A conversation following the use of "should have said" is required to unpack how the initial response made each person feel and an appreciation for changing that response.
- This may also be done digitally

Core components

Core Components

- Said in a calm neutral tone
- Processing occurs after use
- Culture established that allows for open candor

Proactive Implementation

- Proactively implementing Should Have Said... requires discussion on the purpose and authentic opportunities to practice without ridicule. Students must learn to engrain the option to change a potentially harmful response.

Responsive Implementation

- Responsively implementing Should Have Said... may stem from a need to allow students impacted by harm of another to prompt them to communicate that harm. This must be practiced and universally understand within the environment.

Bucket Fits

Connection

If the need is connection then the student may practice this strategy in pockets with specific individuals that they have had conflict with.

Skills Training

If the need is skill building then the student will practice both initating and responding to Should Have Said...

Awareness

If the need is awareness then the student may be provided with think/wait time to process or ask what harm their actions had brought to the student initiating the strategy.

Emotional Regulation

If the need is regulation then the student may use the strategy to communicate harm and upon completion of its use be allowed to take a sensory, regulation, or coping break.

Considerations & Adaptations

Understanding Adaptations

Consider Factors Prior to Start

- Student factors-

Gender, race, function, topography, family dynamics, interpersonal relationships

- Contextual factors -

Resource availability, classroom instruction, physical space, time, technology

Intensifying or Fading During

- Duration
- Frequency
- Feedback
- Reinforcement
- Goals

REMINDER

- Make a note to document when you're starting this intervention.
- After 10 consecutive school days of implementation, use collected data to determine the intervention's effectiveness.

Resource

Dare To Lead- Guests Adam Grant & Simon Sinek

- Sometimes I think about one of my favorite improv comedy games called Shoulda Said. Have you ever seen it?
- BB:No. I love it already though.
- AG:So, two people stand on stage. I think they take a suggestion from the audience and one of them makes a comment, and instead of “Yes, anding” it, if the other person doesn’t like it, they can say, “shoulda said,” and then the person gets a re-do, and that can happen up to three times. I have had so many moments in work life where somebody sends an email and I just want to reply, “Shoulda said,” and give them a do-over
- o good. I’m building that. We’re doing that.
- BB:We’re doing that, and…
- AG:We should do that. In fact…
- BB:My husband, kids.
- AG:Shoulda said…
- SS:So good.
- AG:If it became a norm, it could make it really easy for people to gently say, “Maybe not your best effort there, but I’m willing to give you a shot at improving.”
- SS:“I’m open to hearing everything you have to say, but do you want to try that again?”
- AG:Exactly.
- BB:“Can you reframe that so I can actually hear you?”
- SS:Oh, so good.
- BB:So, shoulda said. Okay.
- SS:I’m totally implementing that.

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