TM4T Stress Armoury 40 - Understanding staffroom conflict

Conflict is not unusual in most schools. Because teachers feel strongly about what they do, seemingly routine decisions can become battlegrounds of principle. Inevitably, conflict generates stress, as our pesky hormones start sloshing around.

Teaching is not unique in this respect. Office conflicts are an unavoidable consequence of professional life. Some people, and some teachers, are like magnets for conflict, while others manage to avoid dispute for year after year; but sooner or later, everyone has a run-in with someone in the staffroom.

Many newly qualified teachers apply flawed logic when considering conflict. Their thought-process goes like this:

(a) I'm not likely to do anything as stupid as the things being described here and... (b) These conflict situations very rarely arise so... (c) I therefore don't need to think about this in the context of stress.

You need to turn this logic on its head: (a) These conflict situations very rarely arise so... (b) I really don't know how I'll respond to them so.. (c) I therefore need to think about this in the context of stress.

The good news is that in most cases, these so-called conflicts barely merit the name. No physical violence, no raised voices: just strongly worded opinions and a tense atmosphere. Even these, though, cause stress - not only for the combatants, but for those around them.

There are several standard approaches to conflict resolution, so - as is common in TM4T - the following list represents a toolbox, not a cookbook. You'll need to pick and choose, depending on situation and personal preference.

What you need to do.. and what you need to don't.

1a. Focus on the issue

This is primarily a 'don't'. Don't react. Frustration can easily turn a difference of opinion into a confrontation. Probably the worst mistake you can make is to lose your temper, and say or shout things that you'll regret later.

At best, you will lose face, by appearing emotionally frail - at worst, you could lose your job.

When a conflict emerges and becomes laden with emotion (often over the most bafflingly minor topic) you must desperately find some time to look past any immediate feelings or reactions and focus on the real issue. This means disengaging from the immediate situation, taking a few long, deep breaths, and analyzing the situation before responding.

Setting aside emotions and being objective should enable most small staffroom confrontations to be resolved without anger or lingering resentment on either side. More importantly, by projecting a professional, thoughtful manner, your status with your colleagues will be enhanced rather than diminished.

1b. Separate the issue from the person.

'I've got the caretaker to rearrange Room 3 into a more sensible layout' said Mrs Nootie, and then just walked away. I stood frozen, speechless with rage. I had spent all my lunchbreak humping furniture round so the teacher's desk wasn't next to the window; otherwise the glare in the morning sun made the PC screen unusable. I had gone to the trouble of asking my department head for permission, and I had put up a little notice asking if anyone objected. Of course, Mrs N didn't use the PC. She didn't read the notice board. She didn't ask permission or consult with colleagues. She just gave orders. Mrs N, in fact, was generally acknowledged to be a pain in the backside.

So... this is a fairly typical staffroom dispute, and it is intended to illustrate one key point. There are two separate aspects to this, and to most conflicts. There is a core-issue: 'what is the best classroom layout for Room 3?' and there is a people-issue: Mrs Nootie is not a team-player. You need to separate these two aspects mentally, and - first and foremost - tackle the core-issue.

You should count to ten, and explain to Mrs N why you had arranged Room 3 in the way that you had, and seek some solution which accommodates everyone.

Then - and only then - dependent on how Mrs N reacts, you may decide that you need to take some action (maybe a discussion with your department head) to address the people-issue.

2. Focus on the process

Instead of debating an issue with your opponent/colleague, discuss the process you might follow to resolve the issue, assuming that neither of you can convince the other. Here is an example of a process:

- You take five minutes to explain to me why we should use the OCR syllabus

- Then I take five minutes to explain to you why we should use the AQA syllabus

- We'll discuss it for 10 minutes, no more. Any points we don't agree on, we'll write them down.

- We'll leave it overnight.

- We'll meet again tomorrow for 20 minutes and see if we can agree which exam board is best.

- If we can't agree tomorrow, we'll schedule a meeting with the Head of Department to present our ideas and issues.

The advantages of this approach should be obvious, but...

3. Everyone has a say

Some disputes lead to angry words in the staffroom, and some teachers use an uninterruptible verbal onslaught to silence their opponents. This is clearly counter-productive: the one doing the ranting just ends up looking incompetent.

It is important in any conflict that you listen to the other person's arguments, and ask for clarification if they aren't clear. Getting them to shut up is not the objective.

Let the other person clarify his or her perspective and opinion on the issue. If you are able to negotiate sensibly, it may be helpful to apply a time limit to the discussion. Doing so helps each person speak about the issues that really matter and discourages tangential arguments.

Apart from anything else, this allows you to fully understand the arguments against your position, to prepare counter arguments, to identify weak spots in your opponent's logic... etc.

4. Choose your battles

In education, where people invariably care a great deal about what they do, conflicts are bound to happen. Once there is a tension between you and a colleague - sometimes between your department and another department - there is a temptation for the people involved to become defensive in their dealings with each other, and for every topic to become a battleground.

This can result in two people's hackles rising every time they pass in the corridor; in two department heads not speaking to each other for weeks.

The issue which originally started this debate (use of a stock cupboard, allocation of office space...) becomes lost in the mist of time, and as every item on the agenda becomes a battlefield, resentment and stress are allowed to snowball.

The answer is simply not to let this happen. Pick the issues which are genuinely important and negotiate on others. Being generous in your compromises will make it easier to win on the issues you really do care about.

You should absolutely avoid anticipating conflict as inevitable. If you do, this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Try to maintain a sense of objectivity, rather than building a sense of hostility or defensiveness. If you try to win every time, you just waste too much valuable energy.

5. Gossip ye not

Professional relationships are important in education. Teachers who chat together freely develop trust and share experience. There is, though, a dark line that you must not cross: there's a point at which a friendly exchange of personal news turns into gossip and rumour.

Gossip and rumors can poison a staffroom. One half-truth or perceived slight - fuelled by careless chatter - can breed mistrust and hard feelings between colleagues and leadership alike. This is particularly true if there is already some seed of conflict planted: rumours about feelings and gossip about intentions simply make things worse.

Remember that gossip is, by its very nature, often misleading or partial. Passing on this information therefore just perpetuates something which is inherently unhelpful.

It is inevitable that you will encounter gossips, and the best approach is to let them get on with it - but don't contribute to the problem. Just change the subject.

6. Use business language if you mean business.

Professional conflicts tend to intensify emotions, and - when that happens - we tend to grow careless in our choice of words. It is easy to mis-choose words and accidentally say something which is liable to misinterpretation and make the other person feel threatened or slighted.

You should avoid any personalisation or generalisations. 

Example: I needed to know next terms's timetable and I had been promised it yesterday. I was finally given it today, without any explanation for the delay. I snapped. 'You can't do the simplest thing, can you?'. 'You never do anything on time.'

In the example above, I have used one single event to generate statements about someone's personality and overall competence. This kind of judgmental language immediately puts other people in a defensive mode. Sarcasm also worsens confrontation and breeds resentment that can last far longer than the original cause of conflict.

Instead, stick with objective, professional language and focus on the issue, not the person. We are all sometimes irritated when business people use a neutral, unemotional vocabulary - one reason for this is that it keeps things safely impersonal, and this is exactly what is needed in a conflict.

7. Don't personalize or internalize disagreements

It is important to avoid using words which personalize a dispute, but it is equally important to avoid interpreting words in a personalized way.

In any dispute, you should avoid taking it personally. Just because someone has a different opinion, that doesn't mean they think any less of you as a person, as a teacher, or as a colleague.Differences of opinion, differences of perspective and differences of priority are completely normal and understandable. Try to be open to constructive criticism, and accept that everyone has things that they can learn to do differently.

It is also important that you don't internalize disagreements, re-running them in your mind, re-playing alternative developments, or re-thinking what you could have said.

There may be situations, of course, where someone - a colleague - clearly is making a personal attack on you. Even so, don't take it personally. If they persist, document what they say and consider reporting the situation to your leadership team. They're paid to deal with crap like that.

8. Repeat your opponent's words aloud

If you become engaged in and focused on a point of conflict, you may become totally focused on your own position and what you want to say. It is frequently difficult to do this, while simultaneously listening to and understanding what the other person is saying...

… and, of course, if you actively dislike the other teacher involved, you may simply not want to hear what they have to say.

This means that it is extremely difficult for you to take the objective perspective that you want to take.

[ Just to clarify: you need to take an objective viewpoint because - and I hate to break this to you - you cannot be right all the time. Sometimes, obviously very very rarely, you risk making yourself look an absolute pratt if you can't listen to someone else's uncharacteristically sensible ideas ]

So, when your colleague is trying to explain his or her ideas on a subject, make your self listen... and show that you are listening by rephrasing their opinions out loud. Carefully, thoughtfully, in a neutral tone:

Other teacher: I just don't see that we have anything to lose by trying a different exam board...

You: You're saying that there are no advantages in staying as we are?

By doing this, you demonstrate that you are paying attention and - with luck - you will gain a better understanding of the other teacher's positions and motivations.

9. Negotiate and compromise

Holding desperately to a dogmatic position doesn't yield many benefits in the staffroom. You might think that sticking to your guns shows principles and moral fibre, but viewing every conflcit in black-or-white, right-or-wrong terms will just heighten stress and exasperates your colleagues.

Stubbornness also signals to the other person that you have no intention of listening to his or her side of the story. Never approach a situation with this kind of do-or-die mentality.

Instead, consistenly show that you are willing to give up some ground on certain aspects of a any disagreement. A willingness to compromise shows that you aren't letting personal feelings take precedence over professional objectivity.

If you find it hard to respect your colleagues views, remember that your solo proposals are unlikely to represent a perfect solution to any situation. You may think that you are infallible on contentions issues, but objective observers will invariably disagree. You need to seek some kind of win-win compromise.

10. Get mediation.

If you find your staffroom debates becoming intractable, it may be time to look for a mediator, or a third opinion.

You can do this either formally - agreeing beforehand to respect the verdict of a third party; or informally - just seeking the opinion of someone who can offer opinions and propose compromises.

Mediation almost always helps to ensure that both parties take a more objective views of the situation.

11. Don't be surprised.

Conflict-free schools are wonderful. The staff work together like a well-oiled machine, respecting their leadership and admiring their governors, welcoming each government and LEA initiative with enthusiastic appreciation. Unions and parent bodies frequently join the staff in spontaneous group hugs.

Err... probably. You simply have to accept that conflict will become a part of your work life at some point., and resolve now that it will not result in a maelstrom of stress for you.

The key thing is not to be surprised or appaled by conflict, but to deal with it in a productive and positive way. Don't let disagreements gather momentum and turn into crises. Instead, address them as soon as possible. Resolve them and strive to ensure that relationships aren't damaged too much in the process.

Fearing or avoiding conflict tends to make edgy situations much worse. If you are unprepared for conflict, you are much more likely to view things in a win-lose way: if the outcome results with you feeling triumphant but your co-worker feeling deflated, upset, or resentful, then you are simply storing up more trouble - and more stress - for the future.