TM4T Stress Armoury 04 - Unpicking Moods and Thoughts
Let's start with the usual caveat: these techniques are based on the theory of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy but are not intended as a substitute for professional therapy. We are not medically trained and you should not rely on our advice for medical problems. This website is about managing-the-middle.
For most teachers, life is full of contradictions. We dedicate our lives to learning, but we never get much time to do it ourselves. We get the best possible outcomes for our students, but their parents are unhappy. We believe education is about more than statistics, yet our leadership trundles out data to prove us wrong.
Now, most of these contradictions are just part of that wacky thing called life; puzzling features which will never be explained, things which it really isn't worth fretting about too much. Other contradictions, however, are stressful... and these are worth fretting over, untangling and resolving.
Sometimes, specific encounters or events are stressful for us – not traumatic events involving physical injury – but emotionally stressful. Sometimes things just 'hit a nerve' and upset us, though we don't know why.
Contradictions in what we believe and what we experience are sometimes called 'cognitive dissonance' and making sense of these contradictions is called 'cognitive restructuring'. This involves identifying and challenging our beliefs, feelings, moods and values if they are stressfully out of line with the objective reality of what is actually going on.
Frequently, the things that cause us stress aren't – to an objective outside observer – that bad in themselves. Criticism. Changes in status. Changes in workload. What often makes them stressful is the emotional accompaniment: the unfairness, the coldness, the vindictiveness. However, these emotional aspects are all subjective and they are dependent on your mood.
If you view reality in a the wrong mood, you are likely to infer negative or harmful motives where none was intended.
Do-It-Yourself Cognitive Restructuring
Cynics might say that this is just a fancy way of saying: 'calm down and think things through' and to a certain extent, cynics are right. This structure (tee-hee) however, helps us to think things through in a logical and consistent way.
Step 1: Choose a calm time.
You need to choose a time, place and mindset (Analyst, if you're using TM4T techniques) to look at the situation objectively. Almost inevitably, you will be considering an emotional subject, so you really need to check that you are not exploring emotions with emotions.
Step 2: Define your scope
You are going to analyze a specific situation. It must be specific. Describe the exact event or set of events which have caused your bad mood.
Example: Kyle's mum threatened to report me to the Head-teacher because she (mum) was unhappy that I moved Kyle down from the top set.
You may feel that your incident looks rather trivial on its own, and instinctively want to extend it to describe Kyle's behaviour in class, or previous meetings with mum. Don't.
You should write down the situation, not just think about it. This ensures that we are precise in our scope.
Step 3: Consider Your Mood
Next, write down the mood, or moods, that you experienced during and since the situation (only consider 'since' the situation if you have been brooding on the event and your mood has darkened). These should be single words.
Example (based on the example above): angry, frustrated, betrayed, rejected,
Most of us use the word 'mood' carelessly, but here we need to be precise about what we mean, and distinguish clearly between 'moods', 'thoughts', and 'emotions'. Moods are the fundamental feelings that we have, which differ from thoughts or stable emotions. Psychologists suggest that the way to distinguish moods from thoughts is that you can describe moods in a single word, while thoughts are more complex and require phrases. Moods (eg anger) are transient, and distinct from more stable emotions (love).
Step 4: Identify reactions
Now, write down the thoughts which were immediately triggered by the mood, and in turn by the situation. You need to tease apart the mood (single word) and the thoughts (sentences). The 'reactions' are the thoughts which arrived automatically, different to any conscious analysis of the situation.
Example (based on the example above):
'Maybe I did get the decision about Kyle wrong'
'I don't keep enough evidence about how I allocate sets'
'The Head will be annoyed about this'
'Kyle didn't tell the truth'
'Kyle hasn't liked me since I sanctioned him last month'
'Kyle is so rude sometimes'
'I really like Kyle's mum'
In doing this, you may find quite a lot of thoughts triggered by one situation and one mood.
Step 5: Identify stress trigger
You then need to identify which of these thoughts are the really hurtful ones and what is really causing the mood and the stress.
This step demands both common sense and honesty. You may find a lot of thoughts and reactions triggered by a single situation, either directly or indirectly. You need to avoid listing thoughts which are not directly related to the situation – use your common sense. You then need to be absolutely honest about what is bothering you, even if the reaction is not one that you would share with colleagues.
Example: There is no logic to this step – it depends on you, the individual. Given the example above, any of the thoughts might be the one that really hurt you. The first two, for example, represent 'professional doubt'; for some teachers this will be a slap-in-the face, for others no-particular-surprise. For the purpose of this example, however, we'll assume that these two are the ones that hurt.
Step 6: Find Logical Supportive Evidence
You should identify and jot down the evidence – the objective physical evidence - that logically supports the hurtful automatic thought that you chose in the preceding step.
Example (based on the example above):
- Kyle was clearly upset at changing sets and thought my decision was wrong
- I have not kept written records of Kyle's poor behaviour or low achievement
- Kyle's mum did not accept my explanation or reasons
- Kyle's mum felt strongly enough to seek another opinion, even if that made me uncomfortable.
You need to be absolutely objective at this stage, ignoring your own suspicions or feelings.
Step 7: Find Logical Contradictory Evidence
Next, identify and write down any evidence that contradicts the stress-causing automatic thought. Again, you should be absolutely logical and objective.
Example (based on the example above):
Regardless of how many notes I took, Kyle's behaviour has been poor and his achievement has been too low.
My head of department supported my decision to move Kyle to different group.
Other teachers have told me that Kyle's mum can be demanding
No other students or parents have criticised my set allocations.
I have a good reputation for being fair and even-handed
My record-keeping is as good as most teachers in the school
Again, no opinions, just rational evidence-based statements.
Step 8: Develop a balanced perspective
By now, you have looked at both sides of the situation, and you can take a balanced view of what happened. If you are still uncertain of what is fact and what is emotion, discuss the situation with a trusted colleague or friend.
When you arrive at a balanced view, write these thoughts down.
Example (based on the example above):
Kyle's mum is a loving but demanding parent;
I am a good decision-maker, and my set allocations reflect this
I should keep better written records when I make students switch sets
I am a good teacher, but not perfect
The Head-teacher is unlikely to disagree with my perspective
Note: in Step 5, you may identify more than one stress-trigger, and you may have to loop through Steps 6-8 a number of times.
Step 9: Check-in: How is your mood now?
Most people find that if they have a clear and balanced view of a situation, their mood has improved.
If this is true, then you are ready to decide what you want to do about the situation, and reflect on what you have learnt.