TM4T Stress Armoury 28 - Avoiding perfectionism

Little miss all-or-nothing

Many teachers are seen as perfectionists, setting high standards for their students and expecting their very best work every time.

This is, of course, correct and wonderful. However, applying unrealistic standards to our own lives – perfectionism – can lead to an all-or-nothing mentality which sees failure in a 99% successful outcome: a recipe for stress.

Perfectionism

Perfectionism is a set of self-defeating thought patterns that drive you to set unrealistically challenging goals.

There are two types of perfectionists: Adaptive perfectionists expend effort on developing their skills. Their standards are always rising, and they approach their work positively, showing optimism, pleasure in what they're doing, and a constant urge to improve. This is a healthy type of perfectionism.

Maladaptive perfectionists, however, are never satisfied with what they produce or what they achieve. If something they do isn't perfect, they dismiss it as worthless. They may experience fear of failure, doubt in themselves, unhappiness with their life and work: all painful emotions.

It's sometimes easy to mistake a determined quest for success for maladaptive perfectionism. The difference is that maladaptive perfectionists consistently see their mistakes as unacceptable and they think that these mistakes make their colleagues and others see them as incompetent and incapable. Those on a quest for success, on the other hand, see mistakes as opportunities to learn and improve; they accept that mistakes are an inevitable part of the learning process, and they accept them, even welcome them.

Now most teachers accept that we need to work hard and deliver the best results possible, for our students. However, sensible teachers also accept that some situations, some tasks, even some students are more important than others ('important' in the sense that small failures have major consequences). If the consequences of imperfection are small, then it is wasteful to seek perfection. Not only is 'good enough' really good enough, but the principle of opportunity cost dictates that something else is not being done which should be.

This key principle (opportunity cost) is the main problem with maladaptive perfectionism, but there are others. Maladaptive perfectionism is linked to a range of behavioural health issues. The quest for perfection can also result in reduced productivity, increased stress, and strained relationships.

Maladaptive perfectionism also has a negative impact on self-esteem, as perfectionists tend to see their own self-worth linked to what they achieve, and they feel that they are being judged as well as their achievements. Of course, as they are rarely satisfied with their achievements, this can lead to a spiral of self-criticism and blame.

Maladaptive perfectionism is also closely linked to procrastination. It is common to delay new projects until a perfect approach has been identified; and to avoid any undertakings which may not have perfect outcomes.

There is also an inhibiting affect on creativity: perfectionism prevents us from taking risk and restrains playfulness and innovation.

Symptoms of maladaptive perfectionism

• Very high or unrealistic goals. If you can't be the very best at something, you sometimes give up.

• Seeing any mistake as a failure. If someone does a task better than you, you feel that you've failed. You might also conceal your mistakes from others.

• Handing in work late. You keep redoing and improving it, or you just keep procrastinating.

• Feeling uncomfortable when you don't achieve your definition of perfection.

• Being averse to risks. You don't like taking risks, because there is then no guarantee that the task can be done perfectly. You stick with safer tasks, which you know that you can achieve with excellent results.

• Lack of enjoyment and interest in the process of learning and experimentation. You don't enjoy the process of learning; you only really care about the result.

• All-or-nothing thinking: either something is perfect, or it's a failure.

• An unhealthy focus on others' opinions. You feel that if your flaws are exposed, others will reject you.

• Sensitivity. You don't handle criticism and feedback well.

• Judgementalism. You may apply your own unrealistic standards to those around you, becoming critical when colleagues don't meet your expectations. You may be regarded as a tough, unfair boss.

• Refusal to delegate. You can't delegate because no-one does it as well as you.

Fixing maladaptive perfectionism

(based on material from the Western Australia Centre for Clinical Interventions)

Stage 1: Identify maladaptive behaviours

Make a perfect little list, one item to a line. Write down everything you do that must be perfect in your life – at work, at home, and in your personal behaviour and relationships.

For example, perhaps you double or triple-check your work for errors, or submit it late because you took so much care to get it right. Maybe it's meetings, appointments and dates: are you inevitably the first to arrive, ridiculously early because you're worried you might be late? Or is it a tidy-thing, with DVDs in alphabetical order, and desk-items neatly aligned; or maybe a clothes thing, demanding an immaculate appearance for a jog round the block.

You should also list anything that you don't do – that is missing from your life – because it involves too much risk of failure (failure by your own standards).

Stage 2: Identify Beliefs

For each behaviour you listed in Stage 1, jot down your reasons or justifications. For example, you might feel that DVDs must be in alphabetical order so you can find the one you want easily, that you would look silly scrabbling round for a CD, that people would think you were slovenly if they were in random order, that...

Stage 3: Put on your logical hat

Choose one of your behaviours, the one that appears least logical. Challenge the behaviours, and its rationale. Come up with a specific step you can take to challenge, question, or even overcome the behaviour.

For example, you might deliberately mis-sort your DVDs and see whether it wastes an inordinate amount of time looking for the one you want, and – more importantly – whether anyone notices or cares about the delay.

Stage 4: Evaluate the Results

Once you have challenged a behavior, look objectively at the results. Maybe in some instances your perfectionism was justified. In most cases, though, you're likely to find that there were no negative consequences.

Then, put your learning into effect and apply it to other behaviours, reviewing at each stage what you are gaining and what you are losing. It's possible that you will experience some anxiety while challenging your perfectionist behaviors, which is normal. However, you'll probably find that your anxiety decreases dramatically once you see the results.