TM4T Stress Armoury 39 - Confronting passive-aggressive behaviour

Stress in teaching does not always involve the classroom. Large secondary schools are hierarchical bureaucracies, made more complicated by the fact that many of those in the hierarchy supposedly espouse egalitatian, liberal ideals. In many schools, therefore, the staffroom represents a breeding ground for passive-aggressive behaviour, due to repressed resentment against authority.

The phrase passive-aggressive is sloshed around a lot these days, but in TM4T we focus on the original psychological phenomenon. US Army soldiers were noted to express their defiance and resentment of authority, not by open hostility towards their officers, but through passive means such as pulling faces, procrastination, inefficiency, and being subtly obstructive.

In the staffroom, passive aggressive behaviours are typically used to avoid the direct confrontation of short-term conflict. The list of types and behaviours is extraordinarily long, including being deliberately enigmatic or obscure; grumbling or complaining persistently; being petty or testy or moody; procrastination, dawdling, feigned forgetfulness; unnecessary inefficiency; irritability, sarcasm, and bitterness. All of this, of course, usually without any direct hostility towards any one person or idea.

Now, if you are a relatively inexperienced teacher, it is inevitably stressful to be surrounded by this. Hopefully your staffroom will be a basket of sunshine and glee, but not all of us are so lucky.

What you need to do

1. Recognize the warning signs

You need to be aware that some teachers have excellent skills in assertiveness; others do not. The latter may not express direct, overt opposition to management changes, or display direct hostility towards members of the leadership team. Instead, some of the following may be deployed - all expressions of hidden anger: procrastination ('I haven't read the notice board yet'); inefficiency ('I can't work out how to open the e-mail attachment'); not seeing/hearing/remembering/understanding requests ('Is the meeting today? Really? What a shame'); the silent treatment ('…'); sulking ('I won't go to any of his meetings then'); or gossiping ('I heard that they tried this at the Grammar school and it was a disaster').

This isn't easy. Any of the above behaviours may entirely healthy and normal and unrelated to passive aggression. What you need to identify is a pattern of behaviour; someone who consistently suppresses their hostility, but demonstrates it passively.

2. Don't join in

Passive aggressive adults are expert at getting others to act out their hidden anger ('If you're going to the meeting, could you ask about Union involvement and tell them that they won't get away with it?'). If you can recognize the warning signs, you can choose not to get mixed up in anything that you don't have a personal interest in. You should be particularly careful if the passive-aggressive behaviour is directed at you ('What an honour it is for us to be generously represented by such an outstanding spokesperson') not to respond with hostility. Passive aggressive adults will be quick to deny any negative intent ('It was a compliment', 'Can't you take a joke?').

3. Calmly point out emotional issues

Passive aggressive persons consistently avoid direct emotional expression and guard against openly displaying anger. Be prepared to tackle the elephant in the room, by pointing out anger directly ('It sounds like you are angry about this management change, and angry with me simply for going to the meeting'.) This needs to be done in a calm, non-judgmental way.

4. Expect & accept inevitable denial

The healthy outcome is that any genuine emotions get aired and acknowledged. You should not expect, however, that the passive aggressive person will do anything else than deny the existence of anger ('Of course I'm not angry about something as trivial as this').

When this happens, you should simply roll with the punch ('Oh, fine. I just thought you shold know how it sounded.') The important thing is that the passive aggressive person knows that you are aware of their emotions. The intention here is that in future you are less likely to be drawn into these emotional games.