The topic of self-sabotage isn't always included under the heading of stress, though they are frequent bedfellows. If you are frustrated in your career, and have unfulfilled ambitions, this can of course contribute to stress. Self-sabotage describes behaviours which prevent us from achieving those long-standing goals, which frustrate us in our ambition and affect our self-belief. These behaviours may or may not be stress-related, but they contribute to an overall tangle that a stressed teacher needs to unpick.
Self-sabotage can also frustrate our attempts to deal with stress itself. This is a kind-of-complicated idea, so it's worth spelling out. A teacher starts off with one issue or set of issues (let's use an incompetent department head as an example); over time the teacher becomes stressed due to that issue; but then – in order to help deal with the stress – the teacher engages in a secondary coping behaviour which is in itself harmful, or self-sabotaging (for example, alcohol abuse).
These days psychology recognises several self-sabotaging behaviours ranging from simple procrastination, through self-medication with drugs or alcohol, comfort eating and binge shopping, through to extreme examples like self-harm. The common factor in these acts is that they seem helpful or offer relief in the immediate moment, but ultimately frustrate us in our goals, especially when we engage in them repeatedly.
Some instances of self-sabotage are obvious, but there are more subtle examples, which are more likely to affect teachers.
There are few techniques in this section; most of the behaviours here are all conscious acts, and the solutions mostly involve (1) identifying the behaviour and (2) stopping or reducing it. Here are the some typical examples of self-sabotage in teachers.
1. Avoiding emotions through consumption
Over consumption is a common way of escaping strong negative feelings.
Comfort eating is a common form of self-sabotage, paradoxically frequent when a person already has weight concerns. The reason this behaviour is self-sabotaging is pretty obvious: being overweight just gives you one more thing to worry about, one more thing to feel guilty about, one more excuse to feel stressed.
This pattern of over-consumption is mirrored in a variety of forms. Drug and alcohol consumption for teachers is frequently self-medication to deal with emotional and work issues. Compulsive shopping and over-spending are other examples of the same behaviour pattern.
The key point here is that simply stopping the behaviour is not enough. You need to recognise the underlying cause – frequently stress-related – and do something about it.
2: Delaying resolution through procrastination
Procrastination is the most-often mentioned form of self-sabotage for teachers. It represents the link – or the gap – between between intention and action, and it is in this gap that a person's self operates. The sabotaging behaviour lies in not closing the gap, in not making the link.
We make an intention to act, the time comes, but instead of acting we self-absorb ourselves in deliberation and distraction, offering ourselves excuses to justify an unnecessary and potentially fateful delay. This is another example of the self sabotaging its own intention.
3: Cultural stereotyping and self-effacement
Feminist theory offers several examples of self-sabotage for women: behaviours which prevent them from realising their potential. These typically involve conforming inappropriately to a cultural concept of femininity.
[ Note: you may ask why this particularly affects women. Obviously, it is to do with cultural stereotypes, not chromosomes. The fact is that many examples of male behaviour patterns are socially taboo in education (excessive bragging or self-aggrandisement) whereas their feminine equivalent (excessive modesty or self-effacement) are still culturally tolerated.]
The issue here is not just self-blocking (for example a young woman teacher who doesn't think she is good enough to be head of department) but an ongoing pattern of behaviour (for example, the same young teacher who – when she IS appointed as head of department – tells everyone modestly that she really isn't sure if she's the best person, and of course she'll try her humble best etc). These behaviours are likely to be taken to indicate low self-esteem and self-confidence.
These behaviour patterns are, of course, socially necessary in some situations, but are self-sabotaging if they are displayed to excess. These include over-apologising, excessive modesty, ingratiation or flattery, inappropriate expression of guilt and regret, and over-deferral to non-relevant authority.
It is worth pointing out that these so-called feminine behaviours are culturally based, and NOT exclusive to one gender. Just because you have a penis, is doesn't mean that you are immune to this self-sabotage.
4: The slide into addiction
There is a clear difference between over-consumption and addiction, and the solution to each problem is different. However, both solutions are simple: either cut-down-or stop; or get-help.
Self-sabotage is not a one-off act, it is an ongoing process, a frequently sad process that pits people against their own thoughts and goals. Self-saboteurs try to fix their stressful situation by top-loading it with additional layers of bad decisions. When over-consumption turns into addiction, it is frequently overlaid with a parade of excuses and delusional thinking; avoiding the painful, decisive action that is necessary: get help.
5. Listening to the Inner Critic
Most of us have inner voices telling us 'don't risk it', or 'that's out of your league' or 'you'll just show yourself up'.
Frequently, teachers have high standards, and their inner voice sounds like it comes from a judgemental and cruel person aimed solely at destroying self-confidence.
You need to be aware of this inner voice, this other you, because when the inner critic speaks out on a regular basis it, it can lead to self-sabotage, and can prevent us from doing what we want, or can make us dissatisfied with it when it's done.
If we aren't aware of this inner critic – if we don't recognize that it's happening, then we mentally attribute our lack of success to inadequacy. This, in turn, makes the inner critic even more strident, and we get caught in a self-destructive cycle that can be difficult to break.
The clue that your inner critic is taking its toll is when your ambition stalls. You grind to a halt when you are making progress; you have the resources and the ability to press on to achieve your goals, but something just-kind-of-stops-you.
When you get that irrational feeling that you can't do something (even though the rational-you knows that you can); or the feeling that you shouldn't do something (even though the rational-you knows that you need to); then that is your inner critic at work. Here are some typical symptoms
Routinely procrastinating
Starting new projects repeatedly, but never quite finishing them.
Feeling unmotivated or unable to try new things, even when there are interesting options
Dreaming of doing something, but never doing anything about it.
Fretting over trivial things that really shouldn't matter much
Fearing that others will think less of you if you don't fully succeed at something
Worrying that if you do succeed, then your friends won't like you as much any more
Doubting your own abilities even though they have been tested and proven.
Feeling stressed and anxious about doing something which should give you a sense of achievement or pleasure
Exaggerating other people's achievements or prowess in relation to your own
Taking even misguided or unfair criticism to heart.
If you engage in negative self-talk, you will eventually erode your self-confidence and self esteem, and more than likely, you will fail; and with every failure, you will reinforce the belief that you can't or shouldn't do the thing you want; and as this spiral continues, you can become more and more frustrated, discouraged, and angry with yourself. Not a happy state to be in.
Whew... a mammoth list there, and all pretty negative; which begs the question: 'what do we do about it?'. For some positive steps to deal with the inner critic, click here.