Pay attention to feedback
Mark cites the book "Outliers: The Story of Success" to tell that feedback is essential to get better. The book gives a figure of 10.000 hours of practice to become great at something, 10.000 hours with strong and consistent feedback. Mark tells that the only way for design to evolve is to receive feedback. They, the designers, can be excellent at thinking in the same way as the audience but no matter how excellent they are, the audience itself is still better at knowing exactly what and how they feel. Mark says that the door that he leaves open to feedback is one of his greatest assets, because without it he wouldn't have evolved so much as a designer.
The life lesson is about understanding how important feedback is in your life. If you want to do something for someone else's benefit you should take the time to talk to them. Mark admits that he is often guilty of assuming what someone wants before asking them. The answers are out there if you are patient enough to listen. He also admits that he needs to be more humble to listen.
I completely agree with what Mark said. The only path to become better at something is by doing it, studying it and listening to feedback. Without someone else there to instruct you of your mistakes you'll never know where, what and how to improve. We often practice in the wrong manner and without feedback we can't know what is wrong. I'd say that this lesson is also about ego. Because our egos can be fragile and, if that is the case, there is a tendency to not want to listen to feedback. I must say that I have made the same mistake as him in assuming the answer before asking people in many many cases. If you have a tendency to be a perfectionist there is also a tendency to assume that you are right and the others are not. It's really hard to change that because we have to deep dive into ourselves to find what belief is behind that perfectionism. A emotion related here is the fear. Fear of being criticised can be a phobia in extreme cases, but more often than not it's about how we relate to others.
To give a personal example. I was in a discord group dedicated to making custom magic cards. In it I took a long time to get along because I was pretty much selfish, but thought I was self-centered. What's the difference between the two? The former is about not caring about others and latter is about caring about yourself first. Very similar but not exactly the same. I wanted to show off my creations and would just assume that people would make positive comments. Now here is the deal. Relationships can't be one sided, they have to be two sided to be healthy. I would often show off my cards right after someone else did and disregard their cards. I didn't care about the other's cards. I was more concerned about the comments about my card and if the comment wasn't positive, I would often feel that the other person must have had misunderstood my card. Sometimes even feel challenged or offended by the comment, despite the other's attempt to be considerate and/or helpful. Over time I took the valiant move to stop being overly concerned about my own cards and provide helpful feedback (hopefully) to others as well. It was a necessary change and it's related to bits of narcissism and ego. As much as feedback is required for your own good, we also have to provide it and be mindful with it because it can be hurtful or at least misguiding. Empathy is something that we all have to have, because without it we fail.
I brought empathy and two sided relationships to this topic because I think it very much relates to mental health and personality disorders or styles. One of the foundations of mental health is that both the patient and the clinician offer feedback from one to the other. Without communication there can't be any change or understanding. When we see a doctor their feedback can be inaccurate and for this reason people often seek a second opinion. At the same time we have to give the doctor intelligible feedback because they have to understand us to prescribe treatments. We do receive feedback in our lives from multiple people and in multiple times and that feedback guides us. We can't just silence all of it because that's what a dictator does, he or she silences all the feedback because they don't want it. If we can't silence the feedback, we can at least learn to give less importance to some and more importance to others. Some sources of feedback aren't good and we have to recognize them. One important source that people often miss is the closest to us: our own bodies. We also have to provide feedback to others because that's essential to become connected to others. Without that connection we can't become better. There is only so much we can do all by oneself, alone, without feedback. Empathy is reciprocal. Empathy is sharing, giving and receiving.
One of the explanations for personality disorders is that they are all rooted in childhood trauma. Trauma doesn't explain all of it, there is more than that. But what is trauma? It's when something or multiple things build up in our minds till it reaches a breaking point. At a certain point our minds give in and can't take it any longer. It's about emotions and the mind failing to cope with them. We are all subject to both positive and negative responses coming from multiple sources in our lives. We are punished for doing something bad, encouraged or discouraged to do something, rewarded for doing something good or, the last one is no feedback at all. One possible explanation for what causes a personality disorder is precisely the feedback that we received in childhood. Or the absence of it. If we are too much punished or even punished for doing what was supposed to be a good thing, such as helping with the dishes or having good manners, we feel that something is not right. We can also be rewarded for doing something bad, which is also confusing. This is going to have consequences in the future, one of which are mental health disorders. Excess of gratification can also have impacts. The absence of any feedback also has impacts. I can't give a recipe for the perfect balance because I don't think it exists. It very much depends on multiple factors such as cultural references.
Mark has a lesson about being a celebrity and it covers having a thick skin. He surely does receive a lot of negative feedback and criticism and unless he is thick skinned that will surely lead to a mental health problem. One thing that I've read somewhere, probably some psychology article, is that there is projection involved in criticism. When you criticise too much something or someone, that criticism says something about you. Do you fear what you criticise? Do you hate and yet, do it (hypocrisy)? When you are in the receiving end of the criticism, it helps a lot to try to understand the motivations behind it. More often than not, what is fired at a person is not aimed exactly at them, but at what that person represents. For example: I may throw my shoes at a politician's head (It happened to George W. Bush in 2008). Here is the question: Am I mad at that politician, that politician's party or that politician's country? And there are surely many more options but I gave three examples. I've listened to some psychoanalyst once in which the woman said that to be less affected by negative criticism means to have more empathy. It's very much true. Why is negative criticism and insults hurtful? Because it's a punch that hits our egos and to be better resilient we have to have more empathy. I heard a similar view from a certain Krav Maga instructor (Krav Maga is a form of personal defence).
To conclude, Mark told us how important feedback is. I expanded and added that feedback is not only important to be received, but it's also important for us to provide it. I can't tell you how to cope with negative feedback, but if you can at least learn more about yourself, that's where it all starts. By learning more about yourself you can better filter feedback and separate what is useful and/or important from what is not.
Reference:
https://magic.wizards.com/en/news/making-magic/resolutions-2009-01-05
Dr. Frank Yeomans and the channel Borderlinernotes
Dr. Ramani Durvasula and her knowledge on narcissism
Professor Alan Delazeri Mocellim and his knowledge on toxic relationships (portuguese only)
Dr. Tracey Marks and her knowledge in psychiatry
Professor Pedro Calabrez and his knowledge on life and neurosciences (portuguese only)
Dr. Daniel Martins de Barros and his knowledge on psychiatry and philosophy (portuguese only)
Dra. Cassia Rodrigues and her knowledge on psychoanalysis (portuguese only)
Wesley Gimenez and his knowledge on personal defence (portuguese only)