The 'Paul is dead' conspiracy perfect for morons

Posted Nov. 22, 2022

By Long Le

Staff Reporter

The say Paul McCartney, the singer songwriter for The Beatles, is dead. He died in a car crash a long time ago, on Nov. 9, 1966. 

The Paul that is here today is an imposter; his real identity is a Canadian named William Cambell, a look alike sent by the British government to cover this all up. Here’s the proof from various “reputable” sources and The Beatles themselves, which won’t be quoted because these are all real facts. 

That is what the usual conspiracy theorist thinks, and to all who believe this is true, is moronic. The proof that Paul is dead is non-existent. This goes for most conspiracy theories; some are true, but most theories these theorists come up with are stupid and can be explained with common sense. Think of it like a table. What is a table? It’s a plank of wood supported by four strong physical bases. Theorists look at the table as a plank with four invisible bases, and they believe it’s a table they convince others that it’s a table and not just a wooden plank. It’s just assumption and overanalysis.

 Not every Beatles album cover and music has meaning. The proof they have that Paul is dead are the hidden messages within the music and album covers, such as in the iconic album cover, Abbey Road. This is a funeral procession, they say. John Lennon is dressed in white to represent the priest, Ringo Starr is the undertaker ready for burial, and George Harrison is dressed informally to represent the lowly grave digger. And then there's McCartney, dressed without shoes to represent the corpse. In the song I Am the Walrus theorists speculate this piece took inspiration from a Lewis Carrol story, The Walrus and the Carpenter, where the walrus is depicted as an imposter. The song has McCartney dressed up as the walrus, which means he’s a fake. There are many more other theories, like their song Strawberry Fields Forever,  which when played in reverse, fans can “faintly” hear, “I buried Paul. I buried Paul.” But these can all be explained alway with reason. 

I get it. The Abbey Road cover feels like it has to be interpreted. The origin of the photo is simple. The band brought their crew to the road outside EMI studios in St John's Wood. They walked back and forth on the crosswalk while taking pictures until they took the perfect one, according to the BBC (2019). Why was Paul barefoot? Simple, he told CNN reporter Lisa Resper France in 2018.  

“It was a very hot day and I happened to be wearing sandals like I am today, so I just kicked them off because it was so hot we went across barefoot,” he said. “There was no special meaning.”

Strawberry Fields Forever played in reverse doesn’t say, “I buried Paul. I buried Paul.”  It says something more like, “Cranberry sauce. Cranberry sauce.”  The audio gets screwed when played in reverse, so words played in reverse are misheard. 

I Am The Walrus, written by Lennon, was written out of spite when he found out high school English classes were using Beatle's music for classwork analysis. So he wrote it to be complete nonsense. The lyrics don't make any sense. There is no meaning behind then. John himself cussed out high school English teachers to his friend, Pete Shotton.

“Let the [expletive deleted] work that one out, Pete!” as reported by Ben Zimmer to The Atlantic.