Real Talk: Friendships
By Kelly Barros ('23) and Vanessa Spataro ('23)
Is it possible to have a long list of acquaintances and people you can call a “friend” but still be lonely? Whether you’re lumped into the foolish definition of being “popular” or “average” at the end of the day, do you turn to the same people, the ones you can call your real friends to talk and hang out with? I can assure you I, Kelly, still and always will do that. It’s not that I wouldn’t enjoy speaking to more people, it just gets hard. Vanessa and I will explain in detail why we feel this way and if some of you relate, know you’re not alone. If you don’t relate, great! But I envy you.
People are constantly judging others all the time based on how they’re being perceived as well as viewed. I, Vanessa, for one, have heard (first hand) people being judged for absolutely nothing as well as witnessing it. Being judged is never a great feeling, as for me I’ve heard many things that have been said behind my back but for absolutely ridiculous reasons. Kelly and I both have very strong opinions on this and would like to share them with you all!
Introvert/Extrovert: Kelly
Being either introverted or extroverted could shape your character. It doesn’t make you, but it does play a role in how you feel about yourself. To make sure everyone understands what I mean by this, let me clarify what an extrovert and introvert are. According to Oxford Languages, an extrovert is an outgoing, overtly expressive person and an introvert is a shy person. There is nothing wrong with being either of those things and some people could even be smack in the middle. Right about now, you might be thinking, why do I care about being introverted/extroverted, or what is that she’s trying to get to? Well, you don’t have to hold your horses any longer. The reason I decided to talk about this is because it’s a big problem for me and a few people I know. Well not just big, but more like huge. Don’t feel alone, because there’s many others for you to relate to.
Some people, including myself, feel distant from others and society in general due to socialization and communication skills. This doesn’t explicitly mean you are an extrovert though. I personally don’t know what to consider myself. I can be extroverted but I could also be introverted at times, it all really depends on my surroundings. This year has been far worse for me than all others though. Some might relate to my struggle of having one singular close friend in most of your classes, which is the absolute worst. To find out that one person is absent and you’re stuck with no one to talk to makes it even worse. Acquaintances are great, but can you really be yourself around them? Not feel scared to say what you want or act the way you normally do. If you can, then wonderful! Lend me some of your confidence. But at the moment talking to people including teachers is very hard for me. This leads to me having limited friends and as I said earlier, few close people I actually speak to. Now, if you look at someone who seems extroverted, you may think they’re being too loud or even obnoxious.
I personally love hearing people blabble though. It could be anything from talking about vinyls, to food, to shoes and so on for me. The real question is, how do I change this? How do I slowly become the person I want to be? Is it a natural thing? Do extroverts just happen to come out of the womb that way? No one knows. Well maybe they do and if you know, answer the google form at the bottom. I’ve recently found tiny steps to try to make it better. An example would be me volunteering to present in my English class! Yes, in front of the whole class. I hope everyone is happy with who they are and if not then think about what actually bothers you. Don’t give up or lose hope until you feel happy. Trust me, it’s the only thing that truly matters.
Judgement: Vanessa
A person may see someone as being very outgoing, social or even just shy… and judge them. As humans we all judge everything we see, even if it's not right and this creates a cycle of the person who's receiving this judgment to worry about how others can view them. You may not say you care about how others view you, but the fact of the matter is, we all do.. I've been judged a lot and some of it has even been from peopleI thought were my friends. Now, this is something we have to be careful about. We want to be friends with people we can be ourselves around, without worrying about “Will they judge me?”, because are they really your friends if you do have to worry about this? For example, my parents used to be super strict and I wouldn't be allowed to go anywhere or even hangout with my friends often. As I got to high school, my freedom started to be granted a lot more since my parents acknowledged I was getting older and kept seeing I got good grades which proved I was responsible to them. I started going out a lot more with friends and I was having fun, while staying safe of course.
A person I used to call my friend, would constantly tell my others “She’s getting out of control.” “She’s going out too much.” “When she’s older, she’s not going to know how to control her freedom.” “She changed.” Based on her “point of view” she has always viewed me as this person who never could go out and now all of a sudden could. Yes, things changed, but it’s because we got older and now I’m able to do more things. So to her she thought I changed, but in reality it was my parents who did.And at the end of the day, all I was doing was going out more to have fun with my friends. How is that a bad thing? It's not, but another thing I had to understand is, was it a type of jealousy? Because of the fact that she wasn’t able to go out as often as me, maybe she wished she could too. Also, I used to be very shy growing up, but then I started being more social, and overall more outgoing and confident of who I am, and don’t let people's judgments bring me down, because at the end of the day, you can try to have everyone like you but there's always going to be people who don’t. Another thing that needs to be spoken about is revolving around social media. Based on how many followers you have, people judge. If it’s low you’re “weird” or too high “Hollywood”.
For typical teenage girls social media is something we love to use whether it's posting because we're bored of ourselves or we feel confident. Others might conceptualize it as being “cocky”, “all about yourself”, or “someone who cares too much about their self image.” Not everyone agrees with always posting about one’s life but what’s the harm if they do it? You don't like it, ok fine, but it’s not hurting you. One life lesson that I can share is just do what makes you happy and what you enjoy and everyone else’s opinions should not matter besides your own as long as you’re staying safe. Judgment being passed constantly happens and will never go away, so you just gotta be the bigger person and realize what some people say does not matter. They have nothing better to do and just don’t let people’s words get to you. Any questions about helping with self confidence and not worrying about the influence of others or just advice on certain situations, feel free to answer the google form below. And remember, the only person you're with for the rest of your life is yourself so make sure you stay true to who you are and love yourself.
Banner courtesy of Houston Methodist.
Cover photo courtesy of Verywell Mind.