On Sexuality

Discovering your sexuality is not easy because there are so many different forms of expression. The internet provides access to many websites and blogs that can help you discover who you are. You can look at all of the different sexualities and see which one feels the most like you, and remember to never be completely closed off to anything. There may come a time when you feel the label you gave yourself no longer fits, and that’s okay! You are always learning and growing, so, of course, you might not feel the same way you did before. There are alternatives too, for example if you don’t feel like any sexuality fits you, then you do not have to identify. There should be no reason to label yourself if you do not want to. You are with yourself your whole life and you should be comfortable with who you are and not what society wants you to be. 

Coming out is a big stop on your journey of discovering your sexuality. It is a beautiful thing, but there are some things that make coming out scary.  Many people are afraid of coming out because they were told that being straight was good and right due to many different forms of media and entertainment, and unfortunately sometimes their guardians will do the same. When you’re a kid, your parents/guardians were the people who protected you and loved you, and their job is to nurture and care for you and support you no matter what, but for some reason, this all changes when coming out. Why? In many cases, kids are left hurt both physically and mentally, and in the worst of circumstances are forced onto the streets to fend for themselves. Why would guardians do that to the child they “love”? 

Parents justify their reasonings for abusing and throwing out their kids based on the gender identity to which their child is attracted. Studies from Lesley University state that 1 in 4 teens are forced to leave their homes after coming out to their parents. According to the Seeking Shelter report, “42 percent of gay homeless youth abuse alcohol compared to 27 percent of heterosexual youth, and intravenous drug use is significantly more common than among heterosexual homeless youth. Child Trends reports that 58 percent of LGBT youth reported having been sexually victimized as well.” 

Despite these cases, you shouldn’t ever be afraid of accepting who you are in yourself. If your family doesn’t accept you for who you truly are, then are they really your family? You shouldn’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not just to please people who only like the idea of you being the person they want you to be. You are much better off with your chosen family. Although coming out can be scary, it is also a huge relief of stress, and it can lead to amazing things. When you come out, stress is lifted off your shoulders, as you have reached an amazing milestone. Being out also leads to great friendships with people who are like you or who will support you through thick and thin. Trust me, these people make your life way more enjoyable and are definitely one of the biggest highlights of coming out. With coming out, there are things you will need to prepare for, are you able to care for  yourself? Are you willing to lose people? Are these the right people I can trust? Is this the right time? You need to ask yourself these questions before you come out. You need to be ready for the worst which means you might not be able to come out right now. Your safety should always come first. 

The road to acceptance is long. Most people believe that coming out is accepting your sexuality, but it’s not. Accepting your sexuality means that you’re comfortable enough to express who you are freely without care of what others might think. I myself have not been truly accepting of my sexuality, and I have been out for almost a year. In my experiences, it may take a while. If you’re having too much trouble and feeling stressed, a good idea is to look up pride fest pictures and interviews and see how much fun being that expressive truly is. I used to do this when I felt very insecure about my sexuality or when I was stressed. It made me happy to see what my life could be like if I was truly accepting of me. Of course, that doesn’t work for everyone. An alternative could be talking to some friends about how you’re feeling, venting is great relief of stress which helps take weight off your shoulders. Acceptance is the hardest part of discovering sexuality and often the longest part. Once you have accepted your sexuality, no one can tell you anything because you are proud to be your true self, and what can anyone say to change that? Absolutely nothing. 

Here and then, you might come across that one person who has something to say, but you are stronger. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. Plus, you have the support from people like me and other allies right there when you need it. Life can throw some hard things at you. It’s okay to feel down, but you must always get back up and remember to keep on going. Harness the strength inside of you.