Eli V S Prophecy FBI (Original Treatment)

Eli V.S Prophecy F.B.I

By Ewan Povey

Eli V.S Prophecy is the biggest Rock n Roll superstar in the world. At least he used to be. He is fast becoming the fattest rock star in the world. He is in the process of shooting his latest movie, 'Karate Kapers.' He has a gruelling shooting schedule in front of him and the producers are putting pressure on him to lose weight. His latest squeeze, Cherie Esperanto has just walked out on him in the middle of the night for being glued to the television. Eli, jaded as he is, just lets her go. The next day he plays a game of badminton with Joe Two Trees, his hairdresser and spiritual mentor, a native American stylist and master of mystical paths. The day passes in a haze of boredom and enui, with Eli having erratic and un-fulfilling encounters with the inhabitants of his mansion. That evening Eli takes his pink Cadillac for a drive, wearing a disguise. Going to a bar he orders a drink. He asks why it is so quiet. The barman says that there's a union meeting in the back and 'they're drinkin plenty.'. Curious he goes into the back. There he sees a fire brand speaker rousing the brothers, denouncing capitalism, the family, the church etc. Eli starts to heckle. The union men turn on him and Eli soon finds himself using his karate skills to defend himself from ten angry teamsters out for his blood.

Back at the mansion he washes the fight dirt off his brow. He asks Joe Two Trees what the meaning of life is. Why would God allow such men to walk the earth. Joe just says its about time to color Eli's hair. The next day Eli is watching old cine films of Cherie Esperanto when he has an idea. He asks the operator for the number of the teamsters union, calls them and asks the address. He takes his cine camera and jumps in his car.

He spends the day 'undercover' in his caddie, filming who goes in and out of the union office. He is hampered by having to sign autographs, but he gets some blurry footage of a union member holding a hammer and sickle flag. He drives to the radio station where his buddy, Howlin Jackson, is on air. Eli makes an impromptu speech that communists are in town and he has them on film. He gives out the union office address. That night a mob burns down the union office while Eli sits in a movie theatre with a few friends. The next day the local police chief gives a friendly warning to Eli not to get involved in politics then asks him for an autograph for his daughter.

Eli comes to the end of shooting 'Karate Kapers!' While filming the final musical number 'Kan I Karate?' which culminates in a Japanese style sword fight, things turn nasty as the stunt man really tries to kill Eli V.S. Prophecy defends himself well and with his dying breath the stunt man curses him in the name of the Communist Party of the United States of America. Shaken but not stirred Eli V.S retires to his dressing room with his co-star, Cherie Esperanto, a cute blond with a terrific singing voice who tends to his wounds. His entourage burst into his room frantic having just arrived on a flight from Tennessee and having heard about the attempt on his life. Prophecy outlines the plan to them all and asks that anyone who isn't prepared to lay down their life for their country should leave now. None of them leave but Fat Leroy says he wont lay down his life for the Union flag as he is still true to the Confederacy, but he will lay down his life for Prophecy. Eli V.S cries a tear and launches into a patriotic song about the Union and the Confederacy standing together against communism.'American Prophecy'. Cherie becomes angry. She accuses him of arranging this whole thing as a cover for chasing girls. He sings a song 'Don't Be Paranoid Baby.' She finishes with him abruptly and runs out crying.

Prophecy flies to Washington and asks to meet the president. He offers his services as a special agent of the F.B.I and the president accepts, gives him a badge and arranges a briefing for the next day. Eli goes back to his hotel room, where he takes out a guitar and croons a song 'Washed out in Washington.'

At briefing in the A.M at the U.N Meclenburg outlines the plan. Performances in L.A, Havana, Saigon, Moscow and culminating in a live satellite broadcast from Vegas. He gives him a slide show of the opponents he might face. Julius Brown of the Young Lions Party in L.A, gay communist martial arts film star Shaolin Shandy in Saigon, and finally Utah Joe the Red Cowboy in Vegas. he rages at Utah Joe saying 'No red deserves a real American name like Joe.' Throughout the briefing, Prophecy flirts with Savannah Lincoln but she remains aloof. Agent Meclenburg informs Eli V.S that Savannah will pose as his girlfriend.

That evening they go to dinner to practice being a couple. They are photographed together and Savannah's quiet rage starts to grow. Eli V.S demands that she say why she doesn't like him. She remains silent. In the car back to the hotel Prophecy drives at 120 mph and shouts and argues with Savannah saying he will crash the car if she doesn't tell him what the problem is. Savannah rages that her parents were good Christians and upright people and she isn't happy about being dragged into the limelight with a leather clad rocker. Screeching into the hotel car park Prophecy pulls out his pearl handled pistol and shoots the dashboard in frustration.

In their hotel room, Eli V.S fixes himself a drink and starts smooth talking Savannah. She cold shoulders him and when he persists she tells him abruptly that he would have to loose a lot of weight, cut his hair and become a good Christian before she would even consider kissing him. She orders him to sleep on the couch. Eli says 'What do you mean loose weight.

Eli V.S goes on a strict training regime with Fat Leroy as his trainer, boxing, running, construction work, chopping trees etc

Prophecy and his entourage arrive by plane in L.A. Eli V.S breaks into the offices of a Communist Party of the United States of America front organisation, there he discovers documents that indicate there is real distrust between the communists and The Young Lions Party. He decides to exploit this. Eli tells his entourage to hit the streets spreading the word amongst the street revolutionaries that he is in town and that he is looking to talk. The next night they perform the warm up show for their world peace tour at a small venue in Watts. Members of the Young Lions Party line up with their guns. Eli V.S sings a song about racial unity called 'There Goes My Brother.' but they remain unmoved. Julius Brown steps forward and says 'We ain't no assassins for white communists'. 'Prophecy I challenge you to a street polemic.' Surrounded in a circle of their followers they spar verbally in rhyme about the virtues of Democracy vs Communism. The police come and break up the party and so Prophecy, his entourage, Brown and the Young Lions fight side by side. They part company unresolved with Prophecy having to explain to the police chief why his boys are all beat up.

Reunited with Savannah and the others, Eli finds himself furiously berated by Savannah for having gone it alone and put himself and the mission in danger. Eli tries to kiss her but she rejects him

In Saigon they play a song about a farmer and his wife who send their only son to fight in the civil war called 'Crop Of Tears.' to rapturous applause. That night they cruise the bars and buy drinks in a attempt to meet local celebrity, Shaolin Shandy. Eli sings a song ' Saigon Sally' to a barmaid who tells him where to find him. Eli, savannah and the entourage set up an ambush. Cornered Shandy states that while he is loyal to communist Vietnam, he wishes that he wasn't described as a 'Bourgeois deviationist'.Prophecy states that he doesn't see how a sissy actor could be a fighter. Shaolin Shandy challenges him to test his Karate against his Kung Fu. They fight and are evenly matched but Shandy has knives in the soles of his sandals and Savannah has to intervene to save prophecy's skin, much to his embarrassment.

Back in Vegas, Eli goes undercover as a croupier at a big casino as he has information that Utah Joe is a compulsive gambler and that this is why he has gone over to the communist cause. Just to pay his gambling debts. He asks around the players and they say sure they know Utah Joe and that Eli can find him at Wheel of Fortune casino. Dressing as Texas Oil Baron, Eli challenges Utah Joe to a game of poker. Through their verbal sparring Eli deduces that the Communist Party of The United States of America are much more powerful than previously thought and are posed to take over the government ' We already own your media.' slurs a drunken Joe. Prophecy tries to contact Agent Meclenburg but his secretary tells him that all the agents have gone missing and no one is able to contact the president. Resolving that there is nothing to do but continue with the plan and that 'The show must go on,' they put on an enormous stage show with a centre piece song song entitled 'Everyone Loves Freedom and Potatoes.' During the dance routine they receive a message from agent Meclenburg saying that the entire audience, hotel staff and camera crew are the entire membership of the Communist Party of the United States of America and that they are there to kill them as soon as the show is over. Savannah rigs the pyrotechnics to the hotel generator and sets a timer and then the entire Prophecy entourage, Eli V.S and Savannah make a dash through the underground parking lot for safety. But they are blocked by Utah Joe the Red Cowboy who challenges Prophecy to a quick draw. Tension mounts but Eli V.S draws faster. However he still gets shot and the gang only just escape the hotel before it explodes. As he lies possibly bleeding to death waiting for the ambulance, Eli and Savannah croon gently the duet, 'I am with you' Eli then says a prayer to Jesus while his entourage stand around in a circle.

Eli sees a white light and he goes towards it but he hears a thunderous voice say, 'No my son. You are not ready yet.' Eli says 'God?' He finds himself lain on a cloud, with his brow being gently stroked. He says 'Momma?' and finds his mother there. She explains to him that God says it isnt his time to go and that the godless communists don't have the power to go against his will but that he gave man free will and Eli will have to use his will to get back up and try to save the president from the few remaining members of the Communist Party of the United States of America who are right now torturing the president by reading to him passages from Marx's 'Das Kapital,' 24 hours a day in order that he give them the codes to the nuclear arsenal so that they can wipe the U.S.A off the map. Eli says 'Momma are you proud of me? 'Of course baby,' she says, 'but now you've got to make God proud.'

Eli wakes to find himself in a hospital bed with Savannah by his side saying 'Im so proud of you baby.' She tells him that he has made a miraculous recovery and the doctors don't know how he could have done it. Agent Meclenburg enters the room dressed as a doctor. He explains that he and his few remaining agents have discovered that the president is being held in the Soviet Embassy in Washington and that an open attack by armed forces would be an act of war which would result in world destruction. The only solution he says is for Prohecy to go undercover as a soviet agent and infiltrate the embassy and save the president. He gives him his fake soviet credentials and a Russian phrase book. He leaves and Eli leaps out of bed, kisses Savannah and says, 'I gotta fly baby.'

Eli arrives at the front door of the Soviet embassy in a Trabant motor car and in the clothes of a soviet diplomat. Fooling his way past the armed guards with an idiosyncratic rendition of the internationale. He proceeds to karate fight his way through the remaining membership of the Communist Party of the United States of America to the president. He leaves by the front exit with the president, saying to the guards, ' Be Kool Komrads!'

America safe for now from the threat of communism and reunited with Savannah, they sing the duet, 'I love America, I love you.' Eli proposes marriage and Savannah accepts. They marry in a small chapel. In his marriage vows Eli V.S. Prophecy And Savvanah Prophecy swear to not watch too much television.