7 Facts

I nominate myself for this sort of thing when I feel like it. 7 facts about me that facebook can sell as cookies I believe this game is called...

1) I have been onstage with Dweezil Zappa at The Grand Theatre in Leeds. It is traditional at a Zappa concert to have a 'dance contest.' I won a standing ovation for pretending to be a lion slaying a small gazelle while its mother failed to protect it, to the strains of experimental jazz. After the interval I think he over heard me describe him as "The Bwana Dik," of the Zappa nostalgia circuit and he made some sharp comments.

2) My voice was heard to ring out through a suddenly silent Wembly Arena as I barked like an angry Sea Lion during a last stand to start turning it around play for the Detroit Lions. They went on to win the game spectacularly in the closing seconds and my friends only 3 quarters jokingly credited me with the victory.

3) I met both Neil and Glynis Kinnoch and Dennis Heally seperately while on holiday in Italy as a teenager. In a teen situationist stunt I told Neil that he was my guru and he inspired me. He didnt seem convinced. On reflection they were probably there to attend a Bilderburg Group conference or something equally shadowy...

4) I nearly drowned near the Isle of Skye when I was 16. The Sands of Moraig I think the place was called. I prayed to God and told him that if he saved me I would do his work. I survived but unlike Yusuf Islam I didnt change my name, quit the music industry or even become a theist. It did however tie in with my Saturnian Complex to make all questions of duty and truth seem a matter of life and death or more.

5) I was pepper sprayed by a somewhat random attacker in London. It was excruciating, but I said 'Nam Myoho Renge Kyo,' in my head and the pain soon passed. However I was unable to open my eyes and I called out for help. A man stopped to help me and I said 'Buddha bless yu!' Mimicing a character I had recently seen in a kung fu movie and had a right old chuckle about it.

6) The monk who took the sole beginners Shaolin Kung Fu class that I attended at the branch of the Shaolin Temple Inc in Tufnell Park had one word of instruction for me. "Relax."

7) I once stood under a blossom tree in a street in Salford with a young woman from uni who I was told had a crush on me. As we talked about something and nothing a strong breeze stirred the branches and a gentle torrent of pink petals fell all around us. I looked up and smiled as if I was in on some massive and wonderfully strange secret. Lisa said dryly, "you"re a very strange man Ewan Povey..." This made me grin massively...