We Made a Mistake Marrying Each Other

We Made a Mistake Marrying Each Other

What brought you to RMI? Please use this space to briefly let our readers know what your life was like when you first found us, Lilianna, so our readers understand just what a miracle your restoration is.

How did your restoration journey actually begin?

I was angry and tired one night and left my husband temporarily for a break, I thought. During those 3 and a half weeks I bashed him and contemplated a way out until one day God opened my eyes and showed me I was in a spiritual battle and fighting the wrong way. The enemy wanted to kill, steal and destroy my husband and our marriage. I was convicted of the wrong I had done, not only as a wife but as a woman who professes to be a Christian.

When I came to RMI I filled out the questionnaire and they asked me why I’d come I said, “My husband and I were close to marriage restoration last month, however, he got a new job that took him away again and now he lives 8 hours away with our dogs. I am desperate on how to do God’s will in this situation because I have no conviction to divorce and remarry, ever. The Lord has spoken to me about being a mom and we have not had children yet...our Lord does not lie!”

At the time I’d tried so hard to get things to work out, I said in my questionnaire:

• • I've searched and found other Marriage Ministry sites.

  • I'm part of a Facebook Marriage Help Group.

  • I've had some Personal Counseling.

  • We've gone to Marriage Counseling.

  • I've spoken to my Pastor/priest.

  • I've shared my situation with my family.

  • I've shared my situation with my husband's family.

  • I've shared my situation with friends/neighbors.

  • I've shared my situation with Coworkers.

  • I've read books on Marriage Crisis.

In my questionnaire I also said, when asked, what my husband said about our marriage and me, “I had been controlling and jealous...I have not trusted him and it has made him sooo angry. I am selfish and self-centered...and take him away from the things he wants to do. Most of our marriage has been hard and he says we made a mistake marrying each other in the first place. We have tried everything to make things better and it is time to move on in life our separate ways.”

Even then, when I came I believed that my situation was not hopeless, I said, “It looks hopeless from the outside, we have had a hard marriage. There has been abuse, neglect and addiction. We have no children except 2 furry pugs (which are like our children). I don't know if my husband wants to be a father anymore or just wants to have a great career and hang out with his friends. He just moved 8 hours away. He is a professing Christian.

“I believe God's Word is true and desire it to be more real and true in my life. I believe He cares about my heart’s desire to honor Him and His word and fulfill my marriage vows. I don't want to be a bad testimony of a failed marriage when God, whom I profess to have a relationship with, is the Author of marriage. I believe He can change my husband's heart to want to have children. I love my husband very much and do not want to be with anyone else. I believe my husband and I are supposed to be in ministry together because we both have a heart for recovery and love serving others (my father prayed about this when we first were married and believed the Lord showed him we were going to do ministry together).

“Bottom line I made a commitment to God and my husband that I would love him through all till death and this is the second most important commitment in my life!...Lastly, I like living on the edge for the Lord, that all things are possible and He is in the business of miracles. I want an unbelieving world to believe and truly taste and see the Lord is good as I am learning to truly taste and see the Lord's goodness! I hear the pain of divorce is hell on earth and it is evil and destructive. This separation has been the most hell I have ever experienced on this side of heaven.”

How did God change your situation Lilianna as you sought Him wholeheartedly?

God allowed my husband to move out after I came home. We were separated for a total of 18 months. During that time the Lord restored me to Himself, healed me of my past and became my “All in All” providing and giving me all I needed. He provided in miraculous ways consistently as I depended on Him consistently.

In a praise report I submitted, I said, “The Lord is so good! I started my RJ about 5 weeks ago through RYM, however, my separation happened 7 months ago. I am grateful what the Lord has been teaching me and showing me in this difficult yet rewarding journey. I thought marriage restoration was close at 6 months, however, God clearly had more work to do in me and I am grateful He brought me to this ministry. Learning the principles has been eye-opening and extremely humbling. Oh but I am so grateful because I know Him in a way like never before and He is making me into a new creation.

“The Lord has been giving me the strength to apply what I am learning. It was suggested in taking the online courses and A Wise Woman about making amends with the in-laws. This was something I knew I needed to do but I was scared and kept putting it off for weeks. I was in so much fear I actually put in a prayer request to this ministry, which I have only done once before...because yes, God hears our prayers when we pray to Him alone. I finally got in touch with my in-laws tonight and the conversation went better than I could have asked or imagined! The conversation was healing all around. There were tears, there was joy and there was hope. This journey is really about Jesus and reconciling the world to Himself. When we reconcile with others we bring Him glory and He is made known. My in-laws gave me their blessing and presented an opportunity that I am going to pray and entrust the Lord with for now. I hope to be able to come back and share the opportunity as a testimony about what the Lord continues to do. He is amazing and His love is perfect!”

Here is another praise report I submitted that led to my restoration, “God is working in my life and my heart so much. I relocated to our hometown and took this journey with just the Lord. He showed me every step of the way and provided everything along the journey. Our hometown is about 8 hours away. I knew He wanted me to go but it was a matter of timing which He even confirmed when I go there. It was a lot to do on my own but not for the Lord. It was like I sat on His lap as He drove me. He brought me there in perfect timing and has provided every step of the way since then. He really showed me that he will never leave me nor forsake me and that He can provide all I need when I look to Him. This is good for a gal like me who lived in a lot of fear and has lacked fully trusting the Lord. Boy, is He stretching me!”

When I’d been here just a month, and it asked Has anyone mentioned positive changes in you? If so, what have they said? I said, “My sister told me today I looked better, I looked good...this was a change from 5 months ago when she saw me shortly after my husband and I were separated. The friend I am staying with also said I look the most like the Lord than any person she knows...it's hard for me to believe all this and the glory goes to HIM.”

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Lilianna, did the Lord teach you during this trial?

With God ALL things truly are possible according to His will. I had trust issues that were ultimately rooted in my lack of trust in the Lord and His promises. During this trial I had to really learn what it means to trust the Lord and see that He is trustworthy and keeps His promises:)

In another praise report I shared, “I am so grateful for the way the Lord is providing for me on this journey. I realized how I got in God's way and my husband's way in trying to be self-sufficient with work/career. Instead of letting go and letting God or giving time and space for my husband to take the financial leadership/work burden, I got in the way. Being separated I have seen this so clearly and how it has hurt not only my husband, but the Lord and the ways I believe He wanted to bless me. I just went ahead of Him.

When I was first separated, I was at the peak of my own business booming. It was great for a little while because I believe God used that distraction to carry me those first days when the separation was happening so I didn't fall apart all at once. But then it went downhill from there as I started to see things more clearly and I didn't want my own business anymore...of course being separated from my husband and furry children definitely contributed to my work not mattering. Although it was good work, it couldn’t take the place of family and things that matter the most. Six months later, I closed my own business. I moved near my husband in our hometown with the Lord’s leading and am staying with friends for now. For the first time in my marriage, I am seeing and allowing the Lord to provide for me financially through my husband and letting him lead the finances! Since we are separated, how is this possible?! It is a miracle and a work of the Lord. God’s way is best, it is so humbling but beautiful.

“Though I am looking for some work per request of my husband. It is humbling to not have a business and to just rest in the Lord and be okay, it is actually freeing. I used to let my pride get in the way and see now how it hurt my marriage. Looking back I was unsubmissive, prideful and put a lot of worth in my work or what people thought of me. Through this RJ, the Lord has freed me from that. I am so grateful. As painful as it has been, I know it is for His best. I believe He has wanted to give me my heart’s desire for a long time now but I did not fully trust Him with work and finances. And being in a place where I have nothing but Him, I am trusting Him and seeing how He is rebuilding things so beautifully in His way and His time.”

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through Lilianna?

He helped me move across our state on my own. He helped me make career changes and gave me my heart's desire to work mostly from home. He helped me build a new home that my husband eventually moved home to. He provided every penny I needed without going into debt. He helped me face my greatest fears during the separation related to my husband. He helped me fight temptation and stay strong in Him.

Another difficult time was something I submitted a praise report about:

"Of Service in a Desperate Moment"

The fact that I am still alive and breathing is a miracle, and that I get up and work part time. The pain has been so great and sometimes lately I just want the Lord to take me home. When I was driving today and felt that and was crying out to Him, a woman called me who was in desperation. I had the opportunity to be of service to her and encourage her to cry out to Him and shared with her the verses that God has been giving me. She was really at peace after we got off the phone and so was I.

It was a Godsend to be of service in a moment of desperation.

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose." (Romans 8:28)

God is in control. Even though I can't see past today, God is in control and taking care of me and really changing me. I have a new trust in the Lord that I did not have before.

Lilianna, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?

When I was presented with my worst fear, of being separated from my husband and eventually responding God's way...my husband started pursuing me and his heart softened and then he eventually came home. During that time I came to a place of truly letting God and letting go of taking control and giving my Lord my All. I had so much peace and confidence in the Lord and His goodness.

Even though I have had to let go of a lot, as far back as during my first two weeks here, I shared one of my many turning points that happened at the end of Course 1, when I journalled, “I have more peace than I have had in quite a while...and more confident trust in the Lord. I have really lacked trusting the Lord and I am getting to know Him in a new way like never before, He is showing me little by little He is trustworthy. As I cling tight to Him and give Him my all, I am excited to see what He wants to do and how real He really is. I wish I believed He loved me this much in the past. it probably would have saved a lot of problems.”

Also, I submitted another praise report where I said, “It is so amazing how the Lord is providing in this season, it is truly miraculous. That scripture in Isaiah is so real as I learn to have the Lord as my Husband! I have not lacked and He has given me everything I need and I have been without a job for almost a month! I always tithed before coming to this ministry, however, I didn't tithe everything that came in, whether it was a paycheck or not, but oh how joyous has it been to tithe everything and see the Lord work! He provided money for me. Just yesterday I was a little short to get the oil change I needed. Well, He knew, so when I got to the oil change place, I asked them how much longer I could drive? I was hoping to not get an oil change yet, if I didn't need too. Well, he checked it and then came back to my car and I saw him pouring oil in my car. I wasn't quite sure what he was doing but he told me I'm good for another 500 miles! I thanked him and he said sometimes people just need to be helped out and advised me to come back after 500 miles. This was pretty miraculous because I was not expecting this, my oil was beyond low and this was a pretty well run oil change place but God knew and He cared! What a sweet kiss from heaven!”

Tell us HOW your restoration happened Lilianna? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Lilianna, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?

My husband called one morning and asked if he could stop by and see me....and before you know it, we were driving to his apartment and figuring out what we were gonna do with the extra furniture when he moved “home” with me. About a week and a half later, all his stuff was moved to our home!

Did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored? *

I didn't know except a day or two before my husband came home when the Lord told me to start praising Him. I wasn't exactly sure why, but wanted to be obedient to Him, so I did...and then that morning my husband called— I had a feeling this was my “suddenly” I read often happens with restorations.

Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you Lilianna?

How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage also A Wise Woman helped me so much. Also reading the Testimonies was like the icing on the cake to help me keep my hope in the Lord. The testimonies have been lifesavers when I have felt weary and like giving up.

Do you have favorite Bible verses that you would like to pass on to women reading your Testimonies? Promises that He gave you?

Isaiah 62 NIV “For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent, for Jerusalem’s sake I will not remain quiet, till her vindication shines out like the dawn, her salvation like a blazing torch. The nations will see your vindication, and all kings your glory; you will be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord will bestow.

“You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord’s hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God. No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah; for the Lord will take delight in you, and your land will be married.

“As a young man marries a young woman, so will your Builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you. I have posted watchmen on your walls, Jerusalem; they will never be silent day or night. You who call on the Lord, give yourselves no rest, and give him no rest till he establishes Jerusalem and makes her the praise of the earth.

“The Lord has sworn by his right hand and by his mighty arm: ‘Never again will I give your grain as food for your enemies, and never again will foreigners drink the new wine for which you have toiled; but those who harvest it will eat it.”

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women Lilianna?

Yes

Either way Lilianna, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

Fall in love with your Heavenly Husband, look to Him and His Word for all your answers, He is waiting for you...He is good, He will never leave you nor forsake you. He has to be your Mighty Counselor.

Stay close to Him, hold onto Him tightly...He is your only hope, don't give up no matter what.