Closer to His Daughter and Me

Closer to his Daughter and Me

Paola, how did your restoration actually begin?

First I want to praise and thank the Lord for His greatness and also the power of our mighty God. My HH is wonderful and He supported me at all times. My relationship with Him has become incredible. I marvel at His power to comfort and change everything.

Let me begin by telling you a little of my marriage history. I was married only about 4 years ago, and it was the first marriage for both of us. I was six months pregnant when we married, and we had planned and wanted our daughter. One day my husband arrived home unexpectedly and simply told me that he wanted a separation because he was no longer happy with the marriage and I began to worry that he was interested in someone else at work.

At this moment, I became totally desperate and uncontrollable. He realized my suffering, and decided he would try to work at our marriage. He stayed for about a month, showing me true affection and a desire to continue our relationship. But again, in an unexpected way, when I was 7 months pregnant, he arrived from a trip on a Sunday night and said he was leaving home, right then, right now. He went into our room, packed his things and went to a hotel. Then, after a few days he moved into his own flat.

It is important that I also say that I live in a city that’s very far away from all my family. We came to live here because of my husband’s work so, I did not have any relatives around and had only a very few friends.

Within 20 days after he left, I learned from a friend that my husband was "dating" another woman.

So, being 7 months pregnant and alone, my mother came and stayed with me for a while. When my daughter was a month old, my mother had to return to her hometown for work. Since I still had a lot of suffering and I was not able to take care of our daughter alone. I decided to go and live with my parents in another state leaving our home. May I say this was a huge mistake, as I learned later in this ministry. Never ever just leave home. But because I was alone with a newborn daughter, I thought I could not continue without the help of another person. Looking back, I know I could have if I’d only found your ministry earlier.

How did God change your situation Paola as you sought Him wholeheartedly?

The Lord has been and continues to be the most wonderful and faithful during every moment of this Journey. I must confess that I did not have Him in my heart as I should and He was not my first love before this Journey. But from the beginning of my separation, I found the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage and from reading this, I understood a lot and mostly about getting closer to my HH every day. I started reading the Bible and praying as He really wants. I began to feel like a new woman.

At first I realized that I myself had torn my house down because it was built in the sand. I have discovered that it was God who had removed my husband so that He would become my first love and that He will not allow me to put my husband above anything as I’d done.

From the moment that I sought Him with all my heart, He began to break me and make me realize my great mistakes in our marriage. Like how contentious I was, how quarrelsome, always being the only one with “the truth” and wanting to win every argument with my husband, not making him the spiritual leader or honoring him.

From the moment I stopped all the discussions with my husband, and I began to speak less, with a gently and quiet spirit; when I began to respect him, agree with everything he wanted, letting go of my lawyer, that’s when the situation began to change. He also become more caring, always considerate and worried about me and our little one, and it’s also when he began to cover all my financial expenses (once I let go of my lawyer). In addition, he began to be in no hurry to get a divorce and went back to his lawyer to see how to undo the divorce process.

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Paola, did the Lord teach you during this trial?

I learned countless principles I had never known. Nothing that was ever spoken of amongst my Christian friends or did I ever hear in church. I realize I really did not know anything about the true Word of God, especially about marriage and about being a wise woman. During all the years of my life I have followed things imposed by the world and today I realize how much I have experienced the results of living this way.

The main principles learned in the Word of God and in this ministry were these: God never agrees with our desire to divorce but His main interest is in restoring marriages; The separation is not due to a marital crisis but to a spiritual crisis; The battle will be won or lost in the mind; Trials are permitted by God and necessary to increase our faith; We have to look at our husband as God sees him, not as his sins warrant; Every crisis or sudden attack is an attack of the enemy. We must always look to God and not to circumstances, because otherwise we and our faith will be shipwrecked. A woman of God is a wise woman, that is, respectful, kind, a woman who honors her husband, who has a gentle and quiet spirit, and always shows kindness when speaking. We must gain our husbands without a word. Very important is to let go of everything in our hearts. Not sharing details with anyone about our situation, especially about the adultery of our husband. Not to take part in any counseling. Abandon the church. Pray and fast constantly. Practice and surrender ourselves to tithe faithfully to our storehouse where you are spiritually fed. Pray for other women. Make cards with every verse from the Bible to always read in the face of any situation. Deliver hope cards in your community. Always trust in the Lord and make Him your HH. Our sin is as great as our husband’s sin. Pray for the OW, for she, too, is a victim of the enemy. Seek God first for everything and never seek other people or other resources.

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through Paola?

The Lord helped me throughout my journey. As I was pregnant during separation, during childbirth, I thought I would be nervous and distressed because my husband wouldn’t be present, but God was so perfect that I remained super quiet at all times and the birth was wonderful with my HH present. Throughout the months after the birth, there were days when I felt I would give up, but the Lord is so powerful and faithful that He showed me something each time so I would not give up. When I left my house and went to live in my parent’s house, it was an extremely difficult time, but my HH held me in His arms, giving me so much strength and wisdom.

Paola, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?

I realized that the great turning point of my restoration was how much I discovered that I had to let my husband go inside my heart and in thoughts. Once I did, my husband said he took on the restoration and actually said he longed for restoration. It’s when I began to think more about my first love and to seek His Word at all times, trying to spend more time with the Lord than with my husband. Although it is a rather difficult principle to follow, I believe it to be one of the most important. We must replace our thoughts with the Word of God so that we yearn and think less of our husbands. Then spend more and more time with our HH.

Tell us HOW it happened Paola? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Paola, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?

As I described, I went to live with my parents in another city. Then my husband left the flat and went to live alone in our apartment. (Thankfully he never lived with OW). So initially it was planned that he was going to visit our daughter once a month, but quickly he started to visit her (and me) more often and that’s when he noticed that he began to "like what he sees" in me as described in the book. I behaved much wiser.

So one day he called me and said he would like me to come home because he wanted to rebuild our family and stay closer to his daughter. So he came to pick us up just 15 days later and we’ve lived in our house again ever since.

I want to add that though we are living together again as the book says, I realized that the restoration is not yet complete. Restoration is difficult, which is why He won’t restore us until He is in first place, until we seek our HH and His comfort. That is only how I can live by faith and not by sight, because I trust that God will finish His great work. Sometimes I experience a great deal of fear, fear of making mistakes at this very delicate time, but again it is by keeping my HH first in my life and heart. He wants to be sure this is secure in my life before He completes this journey of restoration.

Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you Paola?

The two books that helped me incredibly were How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage and A Wise Woman. I think every woman should read these books, especially the first one. All the other resources and your online courses saved me.

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women Paola?

Yes

Either way Paola, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

From all my experience on this Journey, I have to conclude that nothing will be overcome unless we place our Lord in front of everything. Many times we think we will not get through the next step, but God is brilliant and gives us a force that is powerful and unseen when we put our HH first. Only then can we look at everything with the spiritual eyes we need, this is also another fundamental point, because if we look at the circumstances through the flesh, we will not be able to finish the course.

For me, not talking to anyone about my husband or my situation was a very positive experience and that’s what helped me most along the way and what I believe causes most women not to come to the place of restoration. Instead of talking to everyone else, we always must turn to the Lord to talk about everything and it must not always be about our husbands or marriages and restoration or it proves He is not first.

Beloved dear ones, the battle is very great, but the victory is even greater. We need to have a lot of patience and expect to take just one step at a time moving forward, we can not skip steps, everything has its time, otherwise we will reap the rotten fruit like most do. God wants to give us the best, so we have to respect His time and embrace who we have, Him.