He Used YOU to Change My Life

“He Used YOU to Change My Life!!”

In a thank you note to our partners, Valerie submitted this:

Dear ladies,

I wanted to let you know that as of two days ago, God has done another miracle. He has restored my marriage, completely unexpectedly. Because of what you have blessed me with, my family has been reunited. Because of what you have blessed me with, Satan lost another battle. Because of what you have blessed me with, I hope to someday raise Christ-like children with my husband. Because of what you have blessed me with, I can bless another woman and hopefully continue the cycle.

You have allowed me to become part of the Lord's revival for marriages and families. I feel truly so blessed that you thought of me, and my broken heart and desperate situation and had compassion on me—and if you're anything like me, you probably didn't have the sufficient funds to really bless someone else, but you did it anyway. And because of that, my life is forever changed by this journey.

So I wish I had more powerful words beyond "thank you." But it's all that I can say—from the bottom of my once-broken heart, thank you! Thank you for allowing the Lord to use you in my life.

After two years of marriage, my husband became ill which led him to be prescribed a certain medication that had a side effect of reckless behavior. That, coupled with my spiritual pride and contentiousness, led to the breakdown of our marriage. My husband asked me to leave the home so he could pursue his dream of basketball. We were separated for six months with absolutely no contact and he filed for divorce two months ago. Two days ago, he called me and dropped the divorce and I moved home…

Lord, I am so humbled by the work you have done in my life and my marriage. Thank You for loving me too much to leave me as I was, stumbling down the wrong road with an ugly heart. Thank you for taking me to a place of brokenness so I could have a teachable spirit that you were able to work with. AND THANK YOU for this ministry who consistently gave me hope while also correcting my behavior and getting my heart right with you. I truly have found the One whom I love. And it's You, Lord.

Dear Hurting Heart,

You're going to make it. You are going to get through this season in your life. God wanted me to tell you that. I want to really encourage you to surrender it all to Him, because He IS the only One who can fix your broken heart. And before He heals your marriage, He wants to heal your heart. Cry out to Him, talk to Him in the darkest moments of this journey, because they will be dark--but these are the moments where you will find you have grown the most. And then the better days come ahead. Take as much as you can for this life-changing time in your life. What seems like its forever now, will turn out to be a short season in your life if you find Him in the process.

I am praying for you and don't forget that Jesus is standing at the right hand of God also praying for you. Take heart in that!

Next Valerie submitted this Praise Report:

I would like to submit a restored marriage praise report (I will send in my testimony, but wasn't sure where to do it!) **Since Valerie mentioned this, we’ve added the link in many locations, such as on the top of our RMT Page.

I hadn't talked to my husband in six months and he filed for divorce about two months ago. I did not sign the papers and that made all the difference. God had been knocking on the door of my husband’s heart for a couple of months, and it’s when I didn't sign the papers that my husband didn't feel he could ignore God anymore.

Our divorce was only 10 days from proceeding to the next step when he called and dropped it. He called two days after I had an absolute breakdown--it was the worst day of my six months because someone tried to set me up with someone else! And it was at that point that I just could not stop crying. It really hurt my heart to see how casually people talked about divorce and remarriage and that my divorce hadn't even gone through!! Already people were trying to set me up with other people. Little did I know, at the point, when I was crying out to the Lord, He was moving in my husband's life!

Ladies, I cannot tell you in words how wonderful the Lord is--how faithful He has been to me throughout this entire journey. Right down to the very last detail of when I moved back home and my husband showed me his new Bible--which happened to be the EXACT same Bible as I was carrying and neither of us knew it.

It’s amazing how God remembers EACH and everything. He is the Master of the little details and each time a new one is revealed to me, I can't help but smile. I apologize my praise report is not more detailed, but this just happened two days ago and I moved across country so I'm still trying to process and catch up!

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.” (Jeremiah 29:11-14 NLT)

I held on to this verse for dear life. This is an important Scripture to memorize because it continually reminded me that although I had no idea what the future held, I knew Who held the future! We need to KNOW that the Lord has plans for us and they are nothing but good plans for us. The Lord has indeed gathered me from the nation where He sent me and brought me back home!

~ Valerie in Illinois

My Restored Marriage Testimony!

Valerie, so now tell us how did your restoration actually begin, from the beginning of your relationship? *

My husband and I had been best friends since college. We were drawn to each other because of our shared love for the Lord. He was my best friend in college when my father passed away very unexpectedly in an accident. We had been best friends for a few years before the Lord brought us together in an unexpected way. We eventually were married! Then after being married for about a year, my husband got a new job that resulted in us having to move eight hours away from home. It was A LOT of transition as he was constantly on the road and I was alone a lot. However, the real trouble began when my husband became very ill. The doctors couldn't figure out why he was so sick, so they diagnosed him with an anxiety disorder-—something he had never battled before. That’s when they put him on an anxiety drug that had many, many negative side effects. One of the biggest side effects is a numbing to consequences and an increase in "risky behavior." My husband actually began indulging in gambling, excessive drinking, and other things. But that man who used to care so deeply about everything, was now so nonchalant about everything.

So, like everyone, we went to counseling. And sadly the counselor prescribed MORE prescriptions. At that point, he became an absolute stranger to me, to his family, and to his friends. In the meantime, I had developed a suspicious, contentious, nagging, grudge-holding attitude. EVERYONE was so focused on the "sins" my husband was doing, that I came off as being the perfect wife to myself, to my husband, to outsiders. But God knew better. He knew how ugly and hardened my heart had begun to be.

We continued to "fight" for our marriage on our own accord, but I never really sought the Lord about it. I "prayed" but I didn't surrender it to Him. Finally, it all came to a climax as I found out "one more thing" my husband had been doing and I blew up. It was a year with one thing after another with him and I just couldn't do it anymore. I gave him an ultimatum and let's just say, I didn't win. My husband eventually asked me to leave.

Thankfully, there was never another woman or a hate wall between us. It was simply my husband saying he felt he missed out on a lot in his life and that we could find each other, maybe later on in life, again since we were so young when we’d met. It was only by the grace of God I wasn't competing with another woman...nevertheless, I was now competing with the unfollowed dreams, his dreams of a career in athletics.

A month after we separated, my husband quit his high-paying job and left on a basketball tour. I was devastated as I felt the Lord was rewarding him and punishing me. We had no contact at all during our separation. Wisely, I stayed off of social media and ignored communication from ANYONE who I thought would discourage me.

But before I left my home and returned to my parent's house, my husband asked me to find the Lord again and get close to Him. He wrote me a letter that told me to give it all up to Him and that everything would work out how it was supposed to. My real husband was still in there, somewhere.

What he said gave me so much hope! But the closer I got to the Lord, the worse things got, including and especially the day I unexpectedly received divorce papers. Reading the words "your spouse is suing you for dissolution of your marriage" was like a knife to the heart.

Now Valerie, how did God change your situation as you sought Him wholeheartedly? *

Oh my goodness...where to start. The words "devastated" and "broken" seem inadequate to describe my emotional state. But when you're down to nothing, you're willing to do anything, and that's where the Lord started with me. I began to pray like never before, I got in my Bible like never before, I turned off any music that wasn't praising Him. I would study His Word for hours every morning. Then I downloaded a spiritual encouragement app on my phone. I would listen to Joyce Meyer on the treadmill. I would do my RMIEW ministry lessons at night. I made Him my life for the first time, ever. I began to fast for the first time ever. In short, I was on fire for the Love of my Life.

The Lord started pushing and pressing and forming my new heart. He humbled me and started crushing the pride out of my heart. He turned my eyes to focus on my sinful heart as I was ungracious, complaining and prideful. I thought I was a "good Christian" but I lacked so much love for others because I was lacking enough of His love.

As RMI says usually happens, He worked on my other relationships first. I really disliked my job but instead of giving me a new one like I prayed, the Lord allowed me to keep my job and work off-site since I’d moved away. He convicted me about being under my boss' authority and that made all the difference in my attitude at work. And by remaining and changing my heart with the truth, I was given a promotion into a position that I truly enjoyed!

He also restored my relationship with my mom and sister. Even though it has always been good and we are very close, my spiritual pride seeped over into my relationship with them, making them often feel condemned and belittled.

The Lord made me look at people differently. I was broken that I couldn't help but feel compassion for EVERYONE. I would see a homeless child on the television and be brought to tears. It was the Lord chinking away at my hardened heart.

The Lord continued to convict me. He kept revealing to me things about myself that I HATED. It was so painful. I felt like I was playing whack-a-mole with my habits, personality and unbecoming traits. Every time I was beating one down, another popped up! And this is when Satan tried to wear me out by works of the flesh. There was a lot that I tried to combat on my own and I was exhausted. I would be brought to tears because I felt like such a horrible person. But once I got back into the word, I realized how gentle and loving my heavenly Lord is and that these feelings weren't from Him. The closer I got to Him, the more empowered I was through His strength to break off these ugly parts of myself.

As my relationship with Him grew, I finally believed His desire was to heal my marriage. But to everyone else, it looked impossible. My husband was traveling the country and looked to everyone that he was living his dream. I hadn't heard from him AT ALL. The only contact that I had about him was from debt collectors. Then I received divorce papers that my husband filed the day after my birthday. It hurt so much, but I didn't fall apart. The Lord had already warned me that divorce papers would come. In fact, I had been praying against the papers for months and never received any. Then I read one of my lessons that encouraged me to stop resisting divorce and let the Lord's will be done. I finally told the Lord that if it was in His will, that to let the divorce papers come. They literally came a WEEK later! As much as it pained me to see the papers, I couldn't help but thank the Lord that He waited until I was completely surrendered to Him and ready to be taken deeper into the valley.

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), did the Lord teach you Valerie during this trial? *

I learned to lean on Him for EVERYTHING. From dealing with clients at work, to sharing about my new Love to others, to paying my bills, to healing my marriage, to even turning off certain TV shows that He convicted me about. I learned how ugly my heart was and to get the plank out of my eye and not be concerned about the sliver in the eyes of others.

I actually learned what He said about a lot of things! Things that I didn't really know He had words on. I learned how impossible it was to live a Godly life apart from His word. I learned to let His words sink into my heart so they could pour out from my life and into the lives of others.

I learned to stop complaining, stop judging, stop holding grudges, stop depending on man—this list could go on and on. I'm not saying I've mastered all of these things, far from it. They are just things that I have been convicted about and trust He will change in me.

I also learned specifically from this ministry my role as a wife and the principle of not hiring a lawyer or needing to sign the papers. Ladies, if it comes down to this, please follow the principles. When I finally heard from my husband six months into our separation, it was because he found out I hadn't signed or asked for anything and he said it made him have hope. He said that God spoke to him for a long time, but it wasn't until I didn't sign the papers that God was speaking loudly enough to him for him to reach out to Him.

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through? *

I feel like crying thinking of this question. The God that I abandoned (I was still a Christian but clearly not the one I thought I was), had never left me alone. There were some very dark days on this journey, including the week before my husband asked me to leave. He was so mean to me (because I hadn't let him go) and he had never been unkind to me in all my years of knowing him.

The Lord was faithful to me and beside me during times when I had to get my own health insurance, answer the phone to debt collectors, when other people tried to set me up on dates, when I got divorce papers, when I told my family I wouldn't be signing or asking for anything (they supported me but it was hard because I used my dad's life insurance money to buy our home and pay for many things), and the list goes on.

There were nights where I would wake up and be wide awake and the Lord would whisper quietly and loving to me. This usually came in the form of just Scriptures that would pop into my head. I would fall asleep talking to my Heavenly Husband.

My birthday was difficult, Thanksgiving was hard (I actually got a second "official" round of papers during my Thanksgiving dinner with family) and Christmas was VERY hard. And then I had to get through New Year's Eve. Everything in the matter of two months! It was a constant reminder that my family dynamic and holidays were all changing. But there was so much comfort with the Lord as my Husband. I felt whole.

Valerie, what would you say was the “turning point” of your restoration? *

If you are reading your lessons daily, you will know that it gets VERY hard right before you are restored. Oh my, how true this is!!

I was asked by a friend to walk in a bridal gown fashion show with her. In this show, we each wore a wedding dress. That was a little difficult, but being around LOTS of wedding planning vendors and having them ask me when my big day was, hurt so much! Not to mention, my hair and makeup artist started asking me about my husband and I told them that I was going through a divorce. She actually tried to high five me! I think that was one of the worst parts for me--how casually people treated this divorce and divorce in general. How it was no big deal and it was almost like a “right of passage.” That broke my heart. And on that same day, one of the other ladies I met that was walking in the show tried to set me up with a friend who also just got divorced. I politely declined and then she proceeded to pull up pictures of him and talk about how he was a surgeon, etc. I felt like I was suffocating!!!

After the wedding fair, I started to cry. And while that may seem like an understandable response to being surrounded by lots of happy women planning their wedding and seeing myself in a wedding gown again, that's not the kind of crying that I did. I didn't cry much throughout this journey, at least never in front of others. I cried so hard to a point where I simply could not get a hold of myself.

And then I was with family and friends about an hour later, and I cried so hard before I went into the restaurant with them. I had never been unable to control my emotions throughout this whole journey in front of others. Sure, I would cry alone with the Lord, but I never cried in front of others. But it was like something had broken open inside of me. During dinner, I was in mid-sentence talking with friends when I just burst into tears. We weren't even talking about me or my marriage or husband. I ran into the restaurant bathroom and just sat on the floor and cried and cried and cried. My friends and sister came in and just sat with me while I cried.

I still to this point, am very bewildered at my emotions that day. Of all the things that had happened to me over the past year, and especially the final six months of my journey, this was not a day that warranted tears. It was the most I had cried during the entire journey. When I got home, I continued to cry until I finally fell asleep.

Two days later...my husband called.

So please tell us HOW happened. *

After that incredibly difficult Saturday, I woke up Monday morning at 7:30 am to a missed phone call. Missed phone calls always gave me so much dread because it was usually a debt collector or the mortgage company calling me looking for my husband. It was honestly never good news. I saw that the number was from the state where I previously lived. The only number that calls me from that state is my prescription store. I called back and heard "hello" on the other end of the line and I recognized my husband's voice. This was the first time we had talked in months and months.

It was a somewhat scary conversation to have because he didn't tell me why he was calling. He just asked me a lot of questions like where I was living, where I worked, if I was seeing anyone and why I hadn't signed the divorce papers. I had to lay it all out there and that was so hard! When he heard that I still had my job from the state where we lived and I’d explained why I didn't sign the papers, that’s when my husband told me God had been speaking to him for so long and he finally couldn't ignore His voice anymore. The Lord had brought him pretty low to depression and he was tired of running.

It turns out...that the basketball tour that the Lord allowed him to have, was a Christian tour filled with Christian men and coaches that prayed for our marriage and spoke to my husband about the commitment of marriage--something I prayed to the Lord for. Previously, my husband had been around people that may have led him off track, so I prayed that the Lord would separate him from those people and bring people into his life who would speak truth to him. The Lord is so faithful! My husband did receive an offer to play professional basketball, but he actually turned it down because God told him that if he left our marriage, he was out of His will.

I wish I could write in words all of the other little things that the Lord was so faithful in answering there are just so many!

Did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored? *

Weirdly, yes. I kept hearing "soon" in my heart, but I really thought that maybe I was just making it up. But I also knew that I had accepted the divorce and had really begun to let go, but the circumstances (what anyone could see) did not indicate one bit that I was about to be restored. As I said, I had not heard from my husband in 5-6 months and the last I heard about him, was that he was traveling the country.

Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you? *

How God can and will Restore your Marriage and the Be Encouraged eVideos. I bought the Wise Woman Workbook and am just going through that now. Also, my marriage ministers were wonderful in responding to my questions, they said, due to how faithfully I was doing my lessons daily.

Do you have favorite Bible verses that you would like to pass on to women reading your Testimonies? Promises that He gave you?

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we now that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment." Romans 5:3-5

"Abraham never wavered in believing God's promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger and in this, he brought glory to God. He was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever he promises." Romans 4:20-21

"Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory He will reveal to us later." Romans 8:18

"She believed that God would keep his promise." Hebrews 11:11

"He kept right on going because he kept his eyes on the one who is invisible." Hebrews 11:27

"So be truly glad, there is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. these trials will show that your faith is genuine." 1 Peter 1:6-7

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you, says the Lord." Jeremiah 29:11-13

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women? *

Yes, once my husband is back on his feet and our marriage is back where the Lord wants it to be, I would be very interested in helping.

Last question Valerie, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with in conclusion? *

I want to tell you ladies that I had a very difficult time praying to God and asking Him for something and then believing with all of my heart that He would do it. It's because a few years ago, my dad was in an accident and was in a coma. I prayed SO SO hard that the Lord would spare his life and I truly believed with all of my heart that God would save him. He didn't; my dad died. That was the last time I prayed that hard until this journey.

So in the beginning, I had a difficult time trusting that the Lord was on my side and would answer my prayers. So I want you to know that the Lord IS for you; He longs to be gracious to you, but also understand that His ways are higher than our ways, and we may not understand what He is doing now, but someday we will.

I want you to know that God isn't worried about your marriage: He's not anxious, wondering how He's going to heal your marriage. He is confident. He is at ease. He is in control. The storm is raging and your lifeboat is tossing, but Jesus is asleep. That's how peaceful He is about what's going on in your life right now. Because He knows the beginning and the end and everything in between. His promise is to never leave you, nor bring you to anything you can't get through with His strength.

Through Him, you can do hard things. Those things and situations you think you can't survive, you can. And you will. That marriage you think God can't or won't fix? He can. And He will.