She Had It All

Everyone used to tell me I “had it all.” I had a handsome husband who “worshiped” me, two beautiful sons, dozens of close friends and a brand new home. But I was discontented with my life. I honestly did not appreciate what God had given me and as far as my devoted husband, I am ashamed to say that I would often comment to my friends when we'd get together, “I wish he would find someone else.” What was I thinking and how could I ever have said anything so idiotic?!?! After my two boys were in school the Lord saw past my horrible attitude and blessed me with a daughter, the most adorable baby girl I could ever have imagined. She had beautiful blue eyes and blonde hair like me. This event changed my life, but only slightly. I cherished this baby girl, but unfortunately my heart was still cold toward my husband. During any and all of our arguments, I would state emphatically, screaming, pointing at the door or holding it open, “Go ahead and leave - and don’t let the door hit you on the way out!” One horribly heated argument, which I later found out was my husband's breaking point, is when he said something that really set me off. I slapped him so hard that it knocked him backward and he landed on the floor. Looking back, the fact that he didn't get up and hit me or yell at me proved what a good man I had. Instead, he simply got up and walked out the door. Doing nothing more emphasized the truth about me as the horribly contentious woman that I was, but also even more about the wonderful man I had been blessed with. Only when it was too late did I discover that God’s Word says, “For by your words you shall be justified, and by your words, you shall be condemned” (Matthew 12:37). MY words would condemn me and break me into a million pieces. It happened one night that I was out with my friends. I came back earlier than we'd planned and when I walked into our bedroom, I found my husband in bed with another woman. This man who had adored me since we were in elementary school!! I stood shocked at the door and noticed that the other woman in his arms, in our bed, was one of our closest friends!! All I can say is that the shock and incredible pain that hit me that day was more than I ever knew existed. I was so devastation and the shock was so great that for weeks I could only lay curled up in a fetal position, moaning and crying, completely unable to eat or speak to anyone. If not for many of my friends and my family who began coming in to help care for me and for my children, I don't know what I'd have done. My husband was gone, he left the moment I began screaming and collapsed on the bedroom floor in sobs with more blood-curdling screams that woke our children who witnessed what happened. I had no idea if he packed bags (later I discovered he did) nor did I ever see the OW leave.

It was then that the Lord took me, broken and beyond any reasoning, into Himself and began to hold me and comfort me, rocking me gently in His arms. After I came back to reality, though I was never the same person who walked into my bedroom that night, my mother came in one day, sat on my bed and reminded me about this woman, Erin, and her books and fellowship my mother attended. My mother tried to coax me to come with her many times before, but I couldn't stand "Erin." That's all my mom could talk about, what Erin said about this and that. So just like my attitude towards my husband, I used to tell everyone I hated her, when I knew nothing about her.

It's almost laughable now if it wasn't so pathetic, but Erin and I became very close friends. Because my mother had been going to her fellowship meetings (Erin actually told me my mom was one of the first women in her fellowship), Erin was willing to come to meet me before I was even able to get out of bed. While still recovering, I began reading her books and once I was able to get up, I began applying the principles I discovered in How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage after I had read A Wise Woman because this is the book my mom had begged me to read (she knew our marriage was in trouble). So this was my first step towards restoration, honoring my mother, which I read was the first commandment with a promise.

After being gone for six months, with me making changes every day (by His grace and because of finding His love for me), my husband returned home—home to me and our three children—coming back to a new Janice. Soon after we were restored, we moved away, away from family, away from friends, and thankfully away from the many other OWs I'd heard he had been involved with during the six months of our separation. Though I didn't want to move, I was agreeable when my husband got a new job and approached me about moving with him, understanding that it was God giving us a fresh start in our new life together.

What I'd like to say in my testimony is to be a real friend. Please care enough to encourage your friends, all the women you know, to love your friends enough to force them to learn the truth before it's too late. Only God knows the damage I did to my husband and my marriage. And rather than my friends rallying around and forcing me to see who I really was and how I was destroying my life, they just laughed it off and said, "Oh, that's just Janice." Friends don't accept destructive behavior if they really care.

Thankfully most of how I used to be I can't remember any more. During my recovery, I prayed daily many prayers from Erin's book, one I prayed earnestly was that neither my husband or children would remember the old me or what happened that night or the state I was in afterward. In the RYM book it says: "Pray that God will forgive your transgressions and blot out the bad memories your husband has (Ps. 9:6) “The very memory of them has perished” and replace them with good thoughts. Pray harder and be sweeter (again, "sweetness of speech adds persuasiveness") at every opportunity that you may have with your husband to win him back. Remember, “A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle” (Prov. 18:19). (See chapter 8, “Won Without a Word.”)

Thankfully it wasn't too late for me to study "Won Without a Word" and especially the "Contentious Woman"—but please remember, it might be too late for one of your friends or a sister you love. Please don't let them destroy themselves and the innocent children that are the victims of our crazy behavior as women.

~ Janice in South Carolina, RESTORED Ministry Note: We now offer FREE courses that you can take right along with your friends and family members.

If they need help to RESTORE, CLICK HERE.

If they're married, we have A Wise Woman and also A Wise Woman video series.

And if they're not yet married we have A Wise Woman Single.