Prison & Heroin

“Prison & Heroin—

God Delivered me from Both”

My situation began right away in marriage. Soon after we were married, my husband left me! I will say that now I can see that I was to blame for it! After being alone until I was 40 — I wasn't used to submitting to anyone, least of all someone who was starting life over! After a life in prison, my husband was just finding himself and learning to make decisions, by making a lot of mistakes!

I ran my own business and though of myself as educated and capable. What I really was— was arrogant. This drove my husband so far away from me and caused him to run right back to the streets and drugs, leaving me pregnant, heartbroken and confused. I was hurting so badly, I don't even know how to describe it! My arrogance was slammed into the lowest self-image you could imagine!

My husband would contradict now and says I am not to blame me at all. He would tell you how the world and friends and drugs got him into his mess. He would say it was due to his own brother overdosing on drugs, dying in front of him and his sister also dying in a gruesome manner.

But by the time he left me, my husband was so hooked on a combination of heroine and cocaine he could not get off of it by himself. He was also too ashamed to show himself to anyone. Before she died, I used to ask his sister to drive in the area where he was and just tell me if she saw or heard that he was still alive!

I remember lying on the kitchen floor in the middle of the night because I couldn't sleep — all I could pray were weak and pitiful things, like "God help me" through my sobbing and tears. That's about as pitiful and broken as a person can get! But those prayers were heard, and I watched while God did more than I could even think of or muster to ask!

The only thing I asked God was that I wouldn't have to hear that my husband had died. I was so depressed: I never cleaned my house, and barely dragged myself to work or care for anything! But looking back, and seeing all that I went through I can now say it was all worth it, even though at times I didn't even know why I was alive myself, taking my own life!

What changed was that God had a plan to change me and show me His will. A friend, a good dear sister at my church pushed the "How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage" book into my hands. (I had been given every single other the other well-meaning advice about leaving him, etc. and books that were sold), but since I picked up that book I tell everyone about RMI! As a matter of fact, I don't think anyone in their right mind should wait for troubles to read that book—I think it should be required reading as soon as you decide you want to get married! After all, God didn't say IF troubles come, He said WHEN troubles come!

My friend became my encouragement partner. She was my partner and all I can say is make no excuses… simply do what it says; it was so important to “listen: to what your book says. Even pastors, friends and family can give the wrong advice!

Trust me, I know. When everyone else is saying that what you’re going through is hopeless, find even ONE woman to believe with you! GOD sent my friend to me and there is someone out there who needs help too.

My new encouragement partner and I started doing the "A Wise Woman Workbook" together. And slowly I watched God change MY heart as I came to see how His Word covers all circumstances. This book and the one to restore, tells you what to do in EVERY situation! You are NEVER stranded and alone in your troubles!! If you can’t find your answer it is only because you don’t want the truth.

The process I confess was long and hard. It was so good to have a friend who God sent me to be patient and listen and encourage me when things were so horribly hard! She has a great line. I hear it in my head all the time. No matter how horrible the situation or what I did to mess it all up when it was going well at all, she would simply say, "It'll all be great!"

After a few weeks, I didn’t have to call her, I just say it to myself—"It'll all be great!" I did mess up along the way, many times, all due to me wanting to take things into my own hands. Just know that when things get messed up, it’s you trying to do it your way. But if you are humbled under God's hand, and things get tough, it's a great place to be because you are completely in His hands! His hands are so much more capable than our own. He did things better than I ever could have! I wanted to be devious and create situations and do things my way. For instance: create an emergency where my husband would have to call or come home. This just backfired so I finally learned to give it to God and God did it better!

As I was re-learning how to be a wife, I was also pregnant. I had no peace about filing for divorce (like people told me to do), or any of that! My older daughter put it well, she said, “You can leave him and marry someone else, but I won't love that person! (This daughter was born to me as a single non-Christian teenager. I became a Christian when I was pregnant with her.)

Remember that my husband was on the streets 2 states away and like every other woman, I was wondering where and how I could find him?! How would God ever bring us back together if I don’t even know where he is? Well, in my case this was God’s plan.

God didn’t want me around messing things up and getting in His way. By my husband not having me around, it caused his circumstances to worsen and that’s when he started to reach out to me! He started calling ME, and he was shocked because instead of the woman who used to scream at him "How could you leave me with a baby coming?" I was calm and just listened. I had a gentle and quiet spirit and soon I became his friend once again!

Things began to get hard, though, as he, like me attempted to "deliver himself." I tried to fix me from my contentiousness and he tried to get himself off the drugs. It got so crazy and we went through an awful lot!

Once I told him to come home and I'd help him, but he wouldn't ever be in that state in front of our two girls. He tried it on his own, then he tried a detox center, and finally it became clear that it would take him going back to jail to get clean.

Many of the times I have been brought through were extremely difficult! The turning point in our restoration came slowly, through the calls and some things God asked me to do to restore my husband's faith in me. My husband asked me to send him money. What? Send a drug-addict money?!? But guess what? I did, out of faithfulness to God only and being obedient to my husband. It took A LOT of prayer to know God was really asking me to do this!!

No, that is NOT my advice to everyone; it was specifically for me to do, and you too if you want your marriage restored. But you have to do it because God tells you. If you do it to make your husband happy with you or to prove anything, you mind as well keep your money. The good thing was that I didn’t have any money, and then suddenly the Lord blessed me with extra money from my tax return that I wasn’t supposed to get.

I knew what the money was for, so I was able to obey after seeking God again and again with scriptures to affirm my action. I wouldn't encourage anyone else to do this, it is important that we don't walk in someone else's story.

Always seek God before moving in ANY direction! It was hard to do. An act of shear obedience to what I was asked to! This was just one lesson I had to go through to learn obedience in the face of many really hard things like that!

God used my obedience in giving my husband this money for good! I had receipts for the money, which ended up being useful in court later! Who knew? God that’s who!! We were able to prove that he was not selling drugs, but that I had sent him the money! Now after that experience I know that whatever I am asked to do by God — which is to obey God by being submissive to my husband — I can do and He will work it for good! I am trusting the Lord, not a drug addict husband like everyone accused me of doing. And it wasn’t being stupid— it was faith.

Would you believe I even told God once a long time ago that I would never marry anyone with drugs in their past, and to think of it as heroin, that is too strong a drug to ever get over! But when I married my husband, he had not done drugs before, but picked it up after we were married!! Yet God used what I said I would never go through and He used it for my good! God showed me HIS power in that He can restore ANYONE from ANYTHING.

It was many months when finally I knew God was saying it was time to go see my husband. I had wanted to all along, to go see him alive and get "help" for him. But God didn't confirm that to me and so I waited. I finally knew it was going to take him going to jail, and eventually that was where he eventually did go. And talk about using something bad for good—God has used my husband's jail term to restore us completely—even stronger than before! My husband is amazed that I waited and saved his family for him!

Most guys in jail around him have lost everything and there is no one waiting; they realize that they may never see their kids again!! My husband gets to see me and his girls every other week and we all love him so much!

Our visits were always behind glass, which meant he could never hold his new little girl as a baby since he has years still to serve.

When we saw each other for the first time I had this feeling for this man, I knew I belong to this man behind bars, that God told me that he is my husband and must remain my husband! Later my husband told me how he had similar feelings, and we knew God spoke to his heart the same as he spoke to mine. Seeing the change in me, he asked for his own book so I had "A Wise Man Workbook" sent to my husband for his Christmas present! I can only send certain things to jail, so I drew him a picture of the book and you’re your ministry send the book to him that he uses to help the men there who also want their families back.

God gave my husband back to me alive and well and believing in God himself! And a man who know talks about Jesus to everyone!! He said he is ready and can’t wait to be a husband to me for the rest of his life once he is released!

None of this was easy; God has used this experience to teach me OBEDIENCE — to God and to my husband, nothing I believed in or knew I needed to do! Through this I have learned FAITH in ALL circumstances! I also learned that God loves me; He cares about everything in our lives, and can do ALL things, not just the easy things but the impossible things. Now the power of HIS WORD, of prayer, and praise is real to me. I have confidence and people can see my testimony and come to ME for advice! I know now what is true — if I have read it in God's Word... it is truth!

PRAISE HIM, PRAISE HIM, PRAISE HIM!

Thank you for opening your heart and teaching me the Word. Thank you Erin because what you have shared has opened my blinded eyes. God has done so much by giving your life to helping us!

~ Gladys is RESTORED living in Florida