Our Marriage was Defeated Soon after it Began

Our Marriage was Defeated Soon after it Began

What brought you to RMI? Please use this space to briefly let our readers know what your life was like when you first found us, Bealle, so our readers understand just what a miracle your restoration is.

Bealle, how did your restoration actually begin?

From the time of our courtship we had many problems, differences of how we thought about everything. We fought a lot because of this, and each time we’d shout at each other “I’m finished” but then come back and repeat the same thing the next time. After we got married it was even worse. Neither of us knew how to deal with the new life as married, with all the responsibilities. I felt frustrated with our marriage, and so did my husband. Neither of us was fulfilling his role as husband / wife and everything just got worse every day. Financial questions also began to weigh on us, we were in over our heads with our house payments and we could not sell it no matter how hard we tried.

Our marriage was defeated even before it began due to being molested as a child. So in a great confusion, over nothing in particular, we parted so that I could heal from my past.

How did God change your situation Bealle as you sought Him wholeheartedly?

The most difficult point was when I realized my husband no longer understood me at all. It’s like we did not speak the same language. If I had a complaint, I would stop speaking to him. He solved his frustration when he began to sleep in another room and we had no more times of intimacy. This continued until he decided to leave the house. I really suffered at that moment, but I thought it was better than fighting or living so distant from one another.

Being ignored was so humiliating, I could not stand the suffering. So I thought it best if he left, only then, maybe, I would have a chance to be happy again. But I suffered even more. Why is it that people who say they care push you to get separated? Looking back I can’t believe this was everyone’s advice to me and my husband.

I knew the Word and I knew that God did not want that. I knew I did not want another man. I wanted my husband, but I wanted a real marriage, too. It was then that I began to get more advice, each one saying something else. The best advice was from the pastor of my church who was the first to encourage me. He said that he would come back, and he’d help me by praying, but I needed more. I needed answers. That's when God directed me to this ministry!!

In a day of great anguish, I got on the internet and started searching for something that even now, I do not know what it was. Yet I found this ministry! That's when I found answers to my doubts. God spoke to me a lot, He clarified my longings, He encourage me, giving me hope.

I set out immediately to do the courses that were recommended after I filled out the questionnaire. I went to read the daily Encourager blog each morning. I read and reread and journalled, because I could see that God was showing me my mistakes. My many mistakes!!!

Wow, what a revelation. I saw that my husband wasn’t always wrong, but that, because I knew the Word, I made a lot more mistakes! And I was a believer. I was so sad and disappointed with myself. I asked God for forgiveness, and when I had an opportunity (as per the course’s advise), I also asked my husband for forgiveness. He did not look for me.

My big mistake was finding another ministry where they advised pursuing. So on the days when I was so desperate, I would send message after message. He called me screaming to stop, to leave him alone, so full of anger. But I thought now is my chance to ask him for forgiveness, but I found myself begging for attention. I tried everything. Even, blackmail. Threats. Once you begin to feed your flesh, believing in the covenant that your husband must honor, you become a mad woman!

Even though all of this, he did not want to file for divorce. It was all so confusing to me but then ... then God began calming my heart. He gave me wisdom about getting away from trying to restore my marriage and to stop “standing” and to instead travel along and through my restoration journey, and that my HH would be with me. Soon I found that, once my flesh had died, I was much more able to control myself,and my impulses. Finally I knew it was time and I let him go.

The only thing I could not do was tell him that I would sign the divorce papers. I saw this in a lesson soon after he asked, which talked about this very thing. That we should not stand in the way of our husband. It hurt a lot, as I knew I could not hold on for too long, that I had to let it go. I went through both books, Facing Divorce and Facing Divorce Again, then I was happy to agree, and I signed.

After that I was quieter, suffering a lot, but I stayed in perfect peace. I never knew he had an OW in his life. He always denied it. Thankfully I never knew about it. He would just say that we did not mix as a married couple, that I would be happier without him and that he would try to be happy too—even though he was so frustrated and discouraged that he did not see how this mess happened to us.

While facing so much evil and anger oozing from him, orchestrated by the enemy, I tried, every day, to draw closer and closer to God. I wept at dawn at the feet of the Lord. I prayed. I fasted. I poured myself and my will out, before God, wanting, with all my heart for things to change. That’s when He began to work on me. I knew that if I wanted my marriage back the battle was not mine, but God’s. He told me, “You need not fight in this battle; station yourselves, stand and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf.” 2Chron. 20:17.

Once I didn’t need to fight for my own marriage is when I discovered my HH by taking a new course offered to me Finding the Abundant Life. Discovering myself as His bride answered every question and fulfilled every desire I’d ever had and what I’d believed my husband needed to do for me. Once this change took place, I knew things would eventually change but I was no longer in a hurry. I had no more pain.

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Bealle, did the Lord teach you during this trial?

The first verse that I read in a lesson and I memorized it was Proverbs 21:1, “The king’s heart is like channels of water in the hand of the LORD; He turns it wherever He wishes.” I buried this verse in my heart and spoke it every time the situation did not seem to work out. I knew that my husband's heart was hard, and that it was closed off to me, but I trusted more in this verse than in what I was seeing. For my Lord can change any situation once we are His bride. Apart from this first principle, I learned how to let go, not to look and try to restore when God said He would do it. I learned so many principles from How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage for the first part of my journey, then to move forward, many more to know how to be a wife as a A Wise Woman.

Yet none of it was without a lot of effort until I found my true Love. Having a HH had the most profound change for me.

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through Bealle?

There were several difficult and hopeless moments. The day he packed his things and left the house was very complicated and difficult. The times when we would talk and he would tell me that it would be better if everyone followed his life of being single again. Also when he would come and beg me to just sign the divorce papers when I was just too afraid to sign. All of that is painful when you don’t have someone like our HH to love you. Once I had my HH things changed though. Things were no longer difficult because He was walking me through it.

Bealle, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?

Time passed and my husband began looking forward to when the divorce would go through, several months after I’d willingly and enthusiastically signed the papers. When he’d call, I knew it was the enemy trying to steal my peace, but I also knew that I would be fine if the divorce went through now that I had my HH. I was at peace but my husband was still angry and frustrated.

Each time he called, I ignored his anger (because it wasn’t directed at me any longer because I had signed the papers), so each time he called, I remained steadfast in just agreeing and not worrying. I asked my HH to give me strength, to not take his anger personally. That I would do whatever He or my husband told me to do.

Each time he called, I told my HH I could not take it, that I just wanted Him to stay with me, that HE was my true Husband, God was my Father, that He would always be everything in my life. That's when the everything changed, things began to really happen.

My husband called me and said we had to talk, that his attorney needed to solve the problem with the divorce and that they would come to our house that night. I got ready and waited for him. When my husband arrived he just began saying everything he hated about his life, that he did not love me anymore, that it was better if each of us had our own life apart. He said that both of us deserved to go in search of happiness, and our marriage had been nothing but filled with bad and hurtful things.

I nodded so he knew I had heard everything he had to say, and at certain times he looked for me to say something. So at one point I apologized to him for the wife I had been. I assumed all the responsibility for how I had bankrupted our marriage and him. I spoke with love and meekness. Then, finally, I told him that my heart was no longer in pain. I told him I had found the Love of my life. That said, he was silent, thinking, thinking, and at last after close to thirty minutes, he stood up and asked me for a hug! He said he was very confused and asked me to help him understand about this love I’d found. Beloved brides, this is when I knew that God was beginning to break my husband's heart. I hadn’t known this would do it, but He did!!

Tell us HOW it happened Bealle? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Bealle, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?

As it happened, no, I did not suspect I was close to restoration. After this day, together we embraced and fought the enemy by both of us finding a relationship with Him like we never knew was possible. By the time our restoration had taken place, he had been away from home for about three months. He was hurt. But as soon as I offered the resource I had learned from, he also began to read through the materials and I was able to see him heal. I was caring and patient with him, knowing how long it took me and not to get in between what he could get only from the relationship with his Father and Best Friend, the Lord.

Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you Bealle?

The Lord gave me How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage that changed my life forever. How I learned from this book! How He healed me of my doubts and how He used it to open my eyes to everything! Super book but the best way to really absorb the truths of this is to take this as an online course. I recommend it to all women who are experiencing some difficulty in their marriage or to prevent it from getting that far.

Next take FAL and also be ready to give your husband A Wise Man when he returns hurt and bewildered by your new healing relationship with your HH. I found out later that there are courses for men too. Your husband will want them if you are living what you learned and aren’t afraid to tell him why and how you changed.

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women Bealle?

Yes, I have a great desire in helping other women, sharing what God has done in my life and to let every woman know about her HH.

Either way Bealle, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

Never give up on your marriage. He is a God who promises that He will restore you and has the perfect design for your life that no one has ever taught you. The enemy will continue to attack families so we have to first protect ours and then help other families by arming them with the truth.

No matter how much the situation tells you, “No, this is not possible” look to God who will restore! For His Word is yes, yes, yes. Grab both hands of the Lord so you don’t try to fight. Never give your family to the enemy by thinking that you can restore. Victory is certain when the fight is His. Do not be afraid of the fight, stand next to your HH and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf. God is Faithful when our hearts our HIS!