More than a Million; How Can I Choose One?

More than a Million; How Can I Choose One?

Delfina, how did your restoration actually begin?

My journey began slowly, almost gradually. Our once pleasant moments as a couple were turning into moments of quarrels, and arguments (realizing now) that I demanded too much of him. I wanted him to change and I used my own strength and force to make it happen. I was not at all submissive, I did not respect him and I continuously imposed my will over his. He was always silent and never talked about it, but I talked, and talked and still nothing changed. Of course, like all men, the more I talked, the more he stopped talking, and the more it bothered me so I kept talking more. At this point I did not think I loved him anymore, and I said it several times.

The final blow that tore my house down was after we had a financial crisis. I got another job, but neither of us had any wisdom in regard to finances. One day I discovered a loan that he’d gotten without telling me, and I felt betrayed, and deceived. So I screamed, telling him to get out of our house, knowing that he had nowhere to go (because his family was not living in the same state). That night he spent the night in a hotel.

How did God change your situation Delfina as you sought Him wholeheartedly?

Within a month and a half of our separation, I prayed a lot. I had been away from the ways of the Lord, and I had come back a few times, too, but I never stood firm in my desires to have a relationship with him. I always said that this time was for real and then would soon become disenchanted with religion and turn back to my old ways.

It was then that God first rescued me. I went to Him due to the pain I was experiencing, but oh how I wish I had gone for His love! But God knows all things and He knows our heart— I thank Him for that. So I prayed a lot, but I had not learned to rest, putting my trust in God for my restoration. Instead, I acted on my own and was anxious and more and more foolish! I just wanted to make something happen.

Then, one Saturday my EH told me to stop calling him because he had met someone, and I lost all the feeling in my legs and fell to the ground weeping. On Tuesday, after I’d prayed for days, I still could not settle down in my spirit. So, I foolishly went to his work, asked for forgiveness for everything and said that if there was a chance for us, even if it were the size of one grain of sand, I would cling to it. But he replied, No, he did not think so, then asked if I would please leave.

When I looked at his hand, I saw that he accepted the choice I’d made for us, after telling him countless times I didn’t love him. I saw he had already taken his rings off and to him we were through.

Yet I wasn’t done; not yet. I begged him to put our rings back on and I asked if I could give my testimony in the church that we were reconciled, and to my surprise, he agreed. (What I didn’t realize was that he just said what I wanted to hear so I would leave his work because I was making a scene.)

I returned to work later that afternoon and told everyone that “the God I served was faithful, that he had given me everything I had asked and that we had reconciled.” That night I gave my testimony at church about the blessing I had received. My EH came home and vowed that he would never leave me again.

But the next day I went to work while my husband was home off duty. I sensed that my heart was restless, afraid, but I wasn’t sure why, what was happening. When I got home later that afternoon, there on the sideboard, was his ring, and a pen and a notebook and but there was nothing written. All his clothes were gone.

So I called him and nothing; I called his mother and nothing. In utter despair, I then bowed my head and cried out to God: "Dear Lord guide me and guard me and I promise never to fight, no matter what, but please don’t let this be the end. Please don’t let everyone laugh at me."

Yet, again, the contentious controlling women was still not broken. I went after him, driving to his parents' house, since I thought he would be living there, and I stayed until 4 in the morning waiting and nothing. His mother did not know what to do either, so as the sun came up she went to bed and I went home.

As I drove back home I was devastated. Something told me, give up, but something in me spoke louder, do not give up.

How did God change your situation Delfina as you sought Him wholeheartedly?

I realized it was not me who could change the situation, so I told God that I wanted my marriage restored, and that more than this, I wanted my whole house to serve the Lord, beginning with creating in me a gentle and quiet spirit! That I wanted my husband to one day be seen by everyone who was laughing at me, worshiping God!

I've learned that it's not my will, not my glory, but His, which is why when I tried in my flesh I was made a fool. I have learned that from Him alone, through Him are all things good while my actions are filthy rags. And that while I wanted to honor Him, I was dishonoring who He placed over me. It took being humbled and ultimately broken, for me to see how horrible I’d been.

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Delfina, did the Lord teach you during this trial?

I learned that the things of God are without fanfare and proud boasting, and that we should never have to announce what is happening to the world. I learned that the vessel must be broken to be rebuilt, it is no use to put the pieces together ourselves, in Isaiah the Lord teaches us this. That we are the clay and He the Potter. I learned that for us we can not do anything but He can do everything. "He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40: 29-31.

I learned that looking at the face of our Beloved Husband makes us hit the target— “fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12: 2. I learned to forgive and the daily need of His forgiveness. “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors." Matthew 6:12. This is where I find I choke on my words, for it is not always easy to forgive, which is why He says only He can forgive. Without forgiveness in our hearts, bitterness takes root and our life gets destroyed. Ultimately, without forgiveness, we walk our life and soon discover we are walking along life slowly and sadly because we are carrying heavy loads we were meant to put down, and lay at his feet.

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through Delfina?

When I had seen how broken my family was, after three long months, after I looked everywhere for hope but found no solution to a spiritual and emotional storm that was taking all my energies and dreams. Because everything that was possible to me, I knew, I had already done!

It happened one day, in my desperation, I went to Google to search for a word of comfort and peace for that hour. Now it seems ridiculous, but at the time of my suffering what we want is something that brings us peace. When I searched for restoration, more than a million options showed up, so how do I choose one?

But God knew what I needed and I discovered RMI, Hope At Last. God is perfect, because only He knew what I was going through, only He saw what I was looking for and to make sure that it was He who spoke to me, everything that page said was something I’d asked of Him. God was speaking to me. He saw my tears, He heard my cry and He came to stop my suffering. At that moment everything changed. I saw that HE is God.

This came just one day before I found out about the OW who lived just blocks from my house, I’d pass her house everyday on my way to work. Then I found out she also worked where I worked. After reading the lesson “The other victim” I asked God to have mercy on her, to bless her and to give her a husband like mine (who she wanted). After I harbored no anger only love for this OW, I knew one day my husband would return to me.

Delfina, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?

It was when I was finally broken. The day I found your ministry and was at the point when I knew that restoration was what GOD did, not what I could force to happen.

Tell us HOW it happened Delfina? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Delfina, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?

It happened on a Monday. When I woke up, I felt a different feeling than I had and although I had every reason to cry, since I’d just found out about the OW. I found myself instead smiling and thanking God for everything, because He had reached out and rescued me from myself.

Where once a contentious, controlling woman stood, now knelt a woman at the feet of her Lord.

That day was very busy at work, so to forget any of my pain that wanted to creep in, I went around work singing to myself every love song He’d given me. And though I wasn’t sure what it was, I felt something different, like a certainty. An almost absolute peace.

That night it was raining, and I saw a car turn into our driveway. When my husband came to the door his face was different. I remained calm and invited him in. (I still get very emotional when I remember this.) As he sat down, he told me that he was scared, because he was going to take a prisoner to another prison (he works in a state penitentiary). He said that he was afraid to go because he was afraid if he died, he wasn’t sure where he would go (not mentioning his involvement with the OW, but I knew). He cried a lot and began to tell me it was just last week when a prisoner had shot one of his close friends, an agent who worked with him in the same unit and he’d died.

So he asked me if I would pray for him and ask that God would keep him safe. He said he couldn’t pray for himself, he was too much of a sinner, so he was unable to be heard by a Holy God. So, I felt him take my hand and then I began to pray quietly, asking God to take care of him because he was such a precious soul and I prayed that He would help him with his fear. After I finished praying, I got up, said goodbye and went into my daughter’s bedroom to make her bed. Then I heard the door close behind me, he had followed me in and asked me for a hug. I turned around and hugged him. The tighter I hugged him, the more he began crying and hugging me. Then he said: "I only have one request from God!” And after a long silence he whispered, “I just want my family back."

Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you Delfina?

Yes, How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage and the devotionals. I also would encourage everyone to be sure to read RMIEW's Daily Encouragement because it serves as a basis for me not to get offtrack. It reminds me to trust God whenever a new obstacle arises. I'm reading the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage again but with others in mind. Now, after my own restoration, is when I felt a strong need to help other women. So I want to know the Lord's word and learn more about Him and His ways in all situations in order to be able to share the truth without having to open the book and search for it.

I also recommend reading the Proverbs and Psalms everyday. What He led me to do was to begin email these verses and often part of or the entire praise reports to one, then two, but not to several women I am ministering too.

Today, after a little more than a year since my restoration, I have almost two dozen women I’m emailing, women who are seeking restoration. I’m careful to share mistakes I made and portions of the book for them to meditate on each day. They know if they ask for my help they will only get His Word, not mine, in any reply. I believe that this is God's will for my life, to minister to other women. Yes, Lord use me!

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women Delfina?

Where the Lord wants to use me! I say, Here I am !!!

Either way Delfina, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

As I mentioned above, today my family is restored! There is nothing but peace, joyful as we rebuild on the Rock! All our suffering and pain has gone away and in its place is "double" what I’d hoped. I am very grateful to God, and the message, the gem, I found in this ministry. "Thank you Lord. You are my strength and my salvation. You, Lord, are my joy, my everything! Today my family and I, our house serves the Lord!”

Dear friend, put everything in His hands and trust Him. Do not give up! Jesus said, "Did not I tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God? John 11:40 Yet, don’t try to do it yourself or you will tear your house down. We must be meek, gentle and quiet.

My husband changed only after I let go and became the gentle spirit that pleased God. Everyday I am blessed by how he looks at me, how he cares for me, how affection he is towards me and how “in love” we are with each other and with God.

At least once a week he says, “I remember the night I came home to you. Thank you, my beautiful wife, for not giving up on me!” And then I say, “It’s because our Jesus did not give up on me, He did not give up on us.” We have spent hours smiling and hours crying together at the goodness of the Lord towards us. Had He not allowed me to come to the end of myself, I would never have become who He designed me to be. Nor my husband who serves as a deacon in our church Thank You Lord.