I Blind to What I was Doing

I Blind to What I was Doing

Regina, how did your restoration actually begin?

It all began in 2013 when I began to hang out with my college classmates with whom I had been studying for 5 years. I began to look for a certain freedom that I "thought" I did not have. I started to ignore my household chores, not even taking care of my children, and doing things, like taking the last cookie in a package, so to speak, since it was my last year of college. Many women live for their husbands, putting them first, but I did not. I actually put myself first.

I began to pay more and more attention to what I wanted from life, not considering my marriage whatsoever. The enemy deceived me completely. At that point, I confess that I even started looking at other men, which is shocking to think of now, because that was nothing I had ever done before, and very soon I began to snub and ignore my husband. On top of this, I was drinking often and started to go to the college "bar." My husband caught me there one night, shouted across the bar to get my attention and I fought back. At this point, he got aggressive and was physical with me.

Honestly, I was blind to what I was doing, and it was my husband who several times tried to save our marriage, but I did not care one bit. Not until one day when I came home and after a long horrible argument where I flung many offenses in his face, he got up and left the house. I thought he would come back like he had done before, the other two times he left ... but this time he did not come back. God finally had my attention!

How did God change your situation Regina as you sought Him wholeheartedly?

At first, I would call him, I’d fight, I’d verbally assault him, and on one of his visits, I physically assaulted him. This is what happened pretty much for the first month he was gone.

After he’d leave, that’s when I’d break down weeping because it was almost the holiday season. I began realizing what life would be like if my marriage remained as it was or maybe even worse, he’d want to divorce me.

One day while I was surfing the internet, for some reason I typed in something like this: help my marriage and up popped this text, "God has a message to you about your marriage." That’s when God first began speaking to me about my marriage. He let me know that He had tried several times to catch my attention before it got this far but I never listened.

After that day, I discovered myself entirely in the desert, really alone and I began to cry out to God. I was no longer happy, because I felt in the depths of my heart that God wanted to restore my marriage, my family, and that I needed to give it all to Him and let God work on me.

Searching the internet again, I found several websites but then I found the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage. I also visited the blog, and that day I spent 24 hours with God, reading everything over and over and over again. The next day I was refreshed, I felt like cleaning my house, taking care of myself (which I had neglected due to being so broken), taking care of my children, and going to church. That day I later understood was when I was born again.

For the first time in my life, I was happy, and it seems the worst of the storm had passed in my life. I changed instantly and began doing everything for God. I realized how horribly I had treated my husband and my life changed!!!

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Regina, did the Lord teach you during this trial?

Every day, I received encouragement from your praise reports and that’s what really helped me remain happy and allow God to strengthened me. I used the principle of forgiveness and embraced that God hates divorce. And especially that for God there is nothing impossible!! That meant me and my marriage.

God taught me, through all of your resources, especially A Wise Woman what it is to be a wife, why the marriage was created (to reflect our relationship with our Bridegroom), and who is the head of the house, which wasn’t me. Between reading my Bible and the free studies of your courses that took me through each of your books, I realized that we had the roles reversed in our home, which led to its downfall. God taught me that He MUST be in first place, that without Him we are nothing. That we must be His bride, radiating His love, and that this will reflect in our faces and attract our husbands.

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through Regina?

The most difficult hours were when my husband came to visit me because he always spoke in such a cold manner. It was almost like he was stopping by a prison on visiting day, and this hurt me a lot. Also, the more I prayed, the more I became attached to my HH, and the more my husband talked about divorce. At each mealtime, after we put the children down to bed, all he could talk about was being free of me. Yet the Lord, my HH, would always comfort me later when I laid down, giving me sweet and peaceful dreams.

Regina, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?

After I got saved I totally changed. I had stopped smoking, I had stopped drinking. One day my husband was heading back to work near our house, so he stopped in, then began to stop by more often. We were finally getting along, and he started to compliment me. He said that he noticed I was different. He said I was pretty and was being good, and then he asked me this: “Did you quit smoking?” I said, “Yes, I stopped, thank God.” Then he said something that really surprised me, “How will we manage this when I come home?” (Because he hadn’t stopped smoking yet). Even though I didn’t show it on the outside, I exploded with happiness on the inside. Gently I simply replied: “I guess God will help you stop too” and after he returned home, He did help him stop. :)

Tell us HOW it happened Regina? Did your husband just walk in the front door?

After that, later that the same week, he began to come over every day, and we began to make plans. But abruptly he stopped and said he didn’t want to feel pressured. So I just let go and focused on loving my HH.

A month later, he was off work, but the children were at school, and when he came in he kissed me. We stayed together that morning and he told me later that evening he wanted to take me out on a real date. I was happy because it was like he wanted to start over. He came over that evening just like he was a boyfriend or something. But when he took me home, he stopped at the door and told me he had to leave, but I did not press him and was again happy to have my HH to cuddle with and talk over my date He’d orchestrated.

Another month later he asked to take me to the market to make the purchases for the month, and that’s when he said, “My love, today I'm coming home.” I knew that he was no longer involved with the OW because I asked God to hear that she was gone from my husband's own mouth, and God had honored it. My husband, without asking, told me everything that had happened in those two months that he lived at my mother-in-law's house without my asking any questions at all. He said they’d been over months before, and there was no one else, only me. Yet he said that what I’d done, that it was he who had suffered a lot too, so when it was over with her, he did not feel like coming back. Yet, now was time because he felt he was ready to start again.

Today we are better than ever before in our proper roles. My husband is the head of our home, I am submissive and a homemaker. And together we care for our children. I let go of attending college since that is no place for a married woman to be.

Our life is completely ruled by what God says and He warns us of desiring the world’s knowledge right in the very first book of the Bible. May I say that my husband is an angel, and recently quit smoking after he accepted the Lord in the same passionate way that I did. Often we get up before dawn to watch the sun come up just to thank Him for how He’s transformed our life. What a lovely way to live our lives, serving Him.

Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you, Regina?

I recommend to everyone who is being asked to travel through this desert to follow everything in your resources, line by line, reading and rereading “How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage.” Take every one of your courses and be serious about these as they would be if they were going to college or university. This is what will change their lives and secure a happy future.

Also, I’d recommend they take the time to search through the testimonies and look at what each woman did that resulted in their marriages being restored and ask God what He still wants to change in you.

Lastly, be sure to not murmur or complain but instead—give Him praise and be thankful to be going through the desert because He does have plans for you! When circumstances seem the opposite of what you’re believing, praise HIM because it is a sign that the blessing is very near.

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women Regina?

Yes. I try to encourage everyone who might wander towards the path I had unknowingly taken.

Either way Regina, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

Accept what you are going through as His gift to you. Embrace it with happiness, because this is the time He has chosen to take care of you and nurture you. He cared for me and He will care for you. Be sure you put your HH and that means not to always talk about your husband. If you put your HH first, then God will bring your husband back to you. It’s His promise to you.