My Foolish Restoration Daydreaming led to Ultimate Heartbreak

My Foolish Restoration Daydreaming led to Ultimate Heartbreak

What brought you to RMI? Please use this space to briefly let our readers know what your life was like when you first found us, Megan, so our readers understand just what a miracle your restoration is.

Megan, how did your restoration actually begin?

Well, I do not have a right date to say when it all started, but I guess it actually began to fall apart at my wedding. The enemy was subtle in attacking us and we did not realize the gravity of what was happening. When we realized it, we were already fighting a lot. We did not treat each other with the same respect as we had done when we met, and on top of all this there were many lies between us.

Then, finally, two weeks before Christmas, my husband left home and took all his things, leaving nothing behind. He said he did not love me anymore and could not be married to me anymore. He said he would be living a life of falsehood and knew he could not make me happy. That day he moved back to his parents' house. I wasn't sure if there was any woman involved, and in fact, I was not interested to know. I just knew if I found out something like that it would be even more devastating than it already was.

How did God change your situation Megan as you sought Him wholeheartedly?

In the first month after he left, I went into a deep depression, then I got angry and blamed my husband for everything that was happening. We argued a lot even though he was gone. We fought several times over the phone and I said many things I should not have said, but said because I was so angry. Then while searching the internet for something that would help me come to grips with my situation, I found the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage. I downloaded it and started to read right away!

Wow, I was amazed at how everything that was written was exactly what I was going through. It was then that I understood that God guided me to this book. I began to follow the principles taught in the book, which were clearly all based on the Word of God. I signed up for the courses and began to receive course lessons and the daily encouragement newsletters. They were wonderful!

In everything from RMI, I recognized all my mistakes, saw how much I had contributed to our separation, and gave myself totally to God. And every day God was transforming my heart. My first prayer was always asking God to transform me, to change everything that I had wrong in me, because I wanted to be a woman after the heart of God. True to His nature, my transformation happened gradually. God acted powerfully in my life, holding me every moment I fell, and each moment I felt discouraged or lost. He was my faithful Helper, helping me continue my journey, even if circumstances were contrary to what I expected. I prayed a lot for the spiritual transformation of my husband too because I knew that everything that happened to us resulted from a spiritual crisis. We had moved away from God and the enemy used this to try to destroy our marriage.

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Megan, did the Lord teach you during this trial?

The first principle I applied was "Letting Go" and honestly that really was almost impossible for me, because before this separation my husband was everything to me. When I first started to apply the principle it was very difficult. Not having news of his whereabouts, not knowing how it was going for him or what he was doing was hard. But I chose not to care, so I did not send messages and no longer looked for him. What's interesting is that this bothered him, because I've always chased after him, calling him, flattering him.

What made it easier was God showing me that I placed my husband first in my life. I needed to remove him from this "throne," because God alone should occupy this place in my life and heart. And so I began to depend entirely on God. From that moment there was no more sorrow in my life. People did not understand how I could be so happy and smiling through this tribulation. I'd sought God with all my heart and I was fully convinced that my marriage would be restored soon. That thought was very strong in my heart, coming from Him once I discovered my HH. He said to my heart, "Put me first in your life and I will do amazing things. Keep me second or third and you will struggle and experience pain."

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through Megan?

There were many difficult times when the enemy used people to attack me, including people very close to me like my mother. Since I was a very small child, I've always relied on my mother's help, so I instinctively went to her house to live after the separation. I did not think I could manage alone. While there I heard many things that I knew were not from God. It was the enemy using my mother to confront me and making things even worse. I was very sad, I cried a lot, but I asked God to free me from that sadness because I did not want to be a bitter woman. I wanted to be happy with my HH. And so He did, always holding me when I needed it most.

So, after about a month, I decided He wanted me to go back to my apartment with my son. I really needed some time alone with God and I was not getting that time in my parents' house. Oh, my, it was wonderful! This time alone with Him was fundamental to my spiritual growth. I was born and raised in a Christian home, I was saved at an early age, and yet, I never felt a deep communion with God, it was all very superficial.

It was at that moment I could experience what it is to be totally in the center of God's will, depending exclusively on Him, my HH, for everything and feeling the peace that surpasses all understanding. I felt a deep and lasting peace in the midst of the war that He alone is able to provide and the war He wanted to fight for me.

Megan, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?

I was pretty sure that my marriage would be restored. God had put that certainty in my heart soon after I surrendered everything to Him. However, I kept dreaming about what that "return" would be like. I was always very romantic, so I imagined something like my husband calling me to have dinner with him in a romantic setting. Then while we were having an amazing romantic meal, I'd hear him say that he was sorry, that he loved me more than anyone or anything and that he wanted to come home to be with me.

I'd read many reports of restored marriages and wondered what my own would look like. However our plans are not God's plans, and He showed me this in a very hard, very tragic way, that served to show me that He is sovereign in His decisions. Also by daydreaming about this I, once again, had put Him and His love and our love relationship in second place. My foolish restoration daydreaming led to the ultimate heartbreak.

Tell us HOW it happened Megan? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Megan, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?

After almost four months of our physical separation, my husband was already much closer to me. The old me was gone, I stopped chasing him, so he began pursuing me. He began sending me messages all the time, asking for me and our son to come over. He'd come over and pay all our bills, he would not let us miss anything that was going on with family or friends, taking us to many events. He came often to be with our son "at home."

In several conversations with his mother (she always asked me to come over to her house and take my 2-year-old son to spend the day with her), she told me that she talked to her son and he showed a lot of doubt about our future together. He said that sometimes he felt like going home but he was afraid things would change and go back to the way they had been. We knew it was the enemy working on his mind, keeping him chained to sin.

Little did I know that this would be the last conversation with my mother-in-law. We'd spent almost 5 hours talking and praying. Then, right before I left, she said that she was very confident that by Christmas we would get back together, living as a family again. It was the next day, Thanksgiving, when the worst tragedy imaginable occurred. I lived the worst moments of my life that day.

My mother-in-law fell victim to a hit and run. She was walking home with groceries, crossing the street, when a car came around the corner and hit her. The man never stopped but sped away, leaving her lifeless in the middle of the street. Though we didn't know it, she died on the spot.

This woman was more than a mother-in-law to me, she was my friend, my soulmate, a true second mother to me from the time I first met my husband. She and I had an incredible relationship, and I knew she loved me very much and I know she knew how much I loved her.

I remember reading the restored marriage testimony "Holding Me During Every Moment I Fell" and I was shocked by the similarities. Like me, Paloma said she could not express the pain she felt. Like her, I too stood by my husband's side at all times through the events that this tragedy brought on. Understandably, my husband was floored at losing his mother, she was so young, so vibrant and it happened so suddenly.

My husband came home to stay, sleeping together for the first time in our home. It was in the midst of so much suffering that my husband said he wanted to talk. He began by saying that God did not like the way he was living apart from his family. That God wasn't pleased with Him not being in first place. That through this he could see God had left him no choice but to do what was right. That he was coming back, moving back into our home. That had he done this when he should, each time he was nudged but resisted out of fear, that maybe God wouldn't have used this loss to get his attention.

I know our restoration was nothing close to what I had imagined, but I know that God did as He pleased, so who am I to murmur or complain? I know with deep confidence that God will also complete His work in our lives, and in our entire families.

Since moving home, my husband has willingly put God back in first place and this has made me very happy. It's what our family has always needed, but at such a cost.

At first, it was very strange because we both knew (but never said it aloud) that he had come back for another reason and not for wanting to return to just be with us. We also talked about the OW and said it was important for him to come clean. He told the truth of his relationship with her, and honestly that it was very difficult for him to come back even though he knew it was wrong to have been in an extramarital relationship. He said he would resolve that situation because he could not keep two relationships and besides, God was angry because of what he'd done.

Even though he was sincere in what he told me about ending it with the OW and he had decided to return home, I knew that he didn't go right out and end it. Sisters, this part was not easy! I knew I had to let God finish this, so I did not change anything about the way I'd lived before he returned home. I applied the principle of "winning without a single word" and I simply did not ask, because I truly did not want to know. It wasn't out of fear. It was out of putting Him, my HH, in first place. If I meant what I said, that my HH was all I wanted and all I needed, then what my husband did or didn't do shouldn't matter to me.

When I did think of it, I only prayed that God would help him solve his turmoil and turn away from the OW to make his life pleasing to God.

Due to the turmoil in him, he was cold and distant towards me, but I felt something was changing. One evening we went out to dinner and he decided to tell me how he was feeling. It was painful to hear every word he uttered about his feelings for the OW. But I had my true love, something he could not understand, since he was not putting the One who saved him first. When I set my mind on this course of thinking, trusting in my God was easy.

A day later, my husband told me it was over. He said it was very difficult because she could not accept what he said, she didn't want to believe it was all over. During the conversation, he said she called him a coward and several other bad things he didn't elaborate on. He said he just listened to everything, remained quiet and then left. After that, however, she continued to call and send messages for months and months. She became more brazen in her attempts to get him back. Yet, I watched how God used this for good because it caused him to become even closer to me. And the closer he got to me, the further he got away from her. Glory to God for the RMI teachings. Had I foolishly shared what was happening to me, I am sure my own flesh would have barked ultimatums and ruined what God was doing to complete our restoration. God used this to change my husband and continue to transform me into a bride who pleases her HH and also her earthly husband.

The real turning point of the true restoration of our marriage was the day we were invited by my sister-in-law to a couples' meeting. That's when God spoke to my husband. There was a woman there whose husband had left her for another woman. She explained the pain she felt and the lengths she'd gone to in order to get him back, which were often vicious and shameful. Within 3 days his heart was transformed, God acted powerfully through that woman's testimony. Wanting to be a changed man, he asked about RMI and if there were resources for men. Through the Wise Man lessons, he began to be transformed.

Two months later we were invited back to my sister-in-law's for another couples' meeting. At the end of the meeting, they gave everyone attending an opportunity to speak. He turned to me and asked if I would be willing to share our testimony. I nodded and he told me to start. I basically shared what I wrote here and then he took over from the day his mother had been killed. At one point he even thanked God for this tragedy because he said it caused us to become transformed into new beings (his words). Wow! How good to hear that coming from my own husband! Since then my husband has been very blessed by God and our marriage is getting better every day!

We aren't the same couple who married. Our greatest blessing was the birth of our second son two years ago. Our very own restoration baby. I was told after our first son was born that I’d never be able to conceive another baby, but again the experts were wrong and God was right.

Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you Megan?

I highly recommend the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage and I send women to your website. Not just women who are going through a marriage crisis . I send married women to A Wise Woman course explaining we don't know how to be wives that please God and I also recommend they go through Finding the Abundant Life Course if they don't feel loved by their husbands (most wives don't). I explain how this FAL course, in particular, helped me a lot and I'm sure it will help them too to understand how we can be His bride no longer dependent on the love of a man, but instead, we can pour His love on our husband and everyone around us.

This ministry was fundamental in the restoration of my marriage, but mainly, it was fundamental for me to find my true Love, my eternal Heavenly Husband. This one truth can change every marriage, and heal every wounded, hurting soul.

I also know my husband suggests going to HopeAtLast.com for help citing that it’s where I found my way through the difficulties he said he put me through.

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women Megan?

Yes. My husband and I both help minister to couples facing difficulties in their marriage. We simply give them either the men’s or women’s restore book and let God do the rest. When they ask for our help, we send them back to God and encourage them to continue their journey no matter what they face. Our testimony helps many to see how difficult the restoration road is, but how faithful God can be.

Either way Megan, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

I encourage all of you, dear beloved brides, to continue on your restoration journey, and to always and every day give your lives completely into the hands of God. Give your heart totally to your HH and never give up, even if it seems too difficult or even impossible. God acts in His way and in His timing, and when He acts, if we are faithful and obedient we will be transformed and so will our husbands. God does not deny anyone anything who lives properly with a heart after His.

After almost 3 years of living my restoration, I only have to thank you, Erin, for everything you helped me through. I also want to especially thank God for bringing me through all my suffering, because through You and these trials I came to know the truth: that without You God, without my HH I am nothing at all. Love you, Father! Thank you for Your mercy and Your faithfulness in giving me my Husband and returning to me a new family. I do not deserve so much love and want to give it all back to You.

To all of you women who are reading my testimony, I pray that you will come to know where you can find the source of everything you need. It's not in your husband or your marriage, not even in your restored marriage. Don't fantasize or dream about this because He will need to either withhold it from you or ask you to go through a heartbreaking event to break that spell you have been clinging to.

Find your Everything in Him. Only through Him is everything you need!!