Bonita RESTORED in Georgia

“Potter’s Wheel”

In June of this year, my earthly husband walked out on me with no explanation. I was married on June 7th and ten days later my earthly husband left. It left me feeling lost and confused. Although I felt my marriage was over, I had a peace within me which left me more confused. I had no idea that my earthly husband had a drug problem until the night of our honeymoon. I love my earthly husband dearly and wanted him to come home to work on our marriage. However, he would not talk to me. No one believed that my marriage was worth being restored, and many, except one woman, felt I should seek a divorce. None of them suggested that I seek God. While on a prayer room site Ramona, one of the RMI ministers reached out to me and shared the first chapter of “How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage.” I had witnessed two restored marriages, so I knew God was able to restore mine.

I read the entire chapter of the book that same night. It gave me the determination to follow everything God instructed me to do. The further along I walked with God, the more I began to change. God redirected my focus from my marriage to my relationship with Him. I thought that my attendance in church and knowledge of scripture meant I was fine. I didn't realize that I was living a big lie. I gave my life to the Lord when I was young and had a strong walk with Him until I reached college. Since then I returned to the Lord but I struggled with the hurt and lies my church taught me. It was a constant battle between the worldly teachings of the church and my christian walk with God. When He got a hold of me, He removed the dark cloud of sin surrounding my life. I was prideful, arrogant, greedy, bossy, a know-it-all, mean-spirited, and impatient. I was ashamed at how I treated my earthly husband and loved ones. I asked God to change me no matter how much it hurt. I refused to get off the potter's wheel. The Lord beat, shook, pressed and molded me in all sorts of ways. I learned to bring everything only to God and feed myself daily on His Word. I fasted to die to my flesh and eliminated everything that distracted me from hearing God's Word. I allowed Him to renew my mind from years of wrongful thinking.

I sought God in all I did. I allowed Him to use my life as an open book to share with others about the happiness they could have through Christ. There were times when it became hard for me and I became lonely. I tried to fill my loneliness through the company of other men. However, God convicted me to let Him fill my void. Through my trials and testing I learned that obedience to God is the key to a life of peace and joy.

My final test in obedience came when the Lord asked me to take the “How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage” book to my previous pastor. I didn't understand why. I felt that since she was a pastor, she should know that God can restore marriages. I remained obedient and leaned not on my own understanding. On a Sunday I got up, placed the book in a gift bag, and presented it to my pastor as a gift.

On that Monday, I received an e-mail from my earthly husband at work. We work for the same company and on the same floor. He said he needed to speak with me. Trust me I was nervous. I prepared myself for rejection because that is what I encountered all my life. We met in the middle of the floor. As soon as he saw me a big smile came across his face and he hugged me. He said that he had been praying and wanted to restore our marriage. I stood there shocked and in silence. I told him I had a meeting to attend and he said he would walk me to the meeting. He commented on how quiet and gentle I was. He kept telling me I was his wife and asked me if I realized it. He said he felt a part of him was missing while he was away from me. My earthly husband thanks God for blessing him with me. He said that seeing and talking to me was the happiest he has been in four months.

Ladies, this was all God. I couldn't have done this alone. I recommend RMI and its resources to all women whether single or married. Please, whatever you do, draw closer to God. Be obedient to all He leads you to do. Follow His Word and the principles laid out for us in this Ministry. It is through our obedience to God that we experience greater blessings, joy and peace that He has stored up for us.

~Bonita in Georgia RESTORED, was a Minister in Training who we can clearly see from her pictures that not willing to get off the potter's wheel can transform you not only on the inside but also what others see on the outside. Currently Bonita is starting with a new restoration ministry, devoted to helping those who have restored marriages. We consider ourselves blessed that she got her foundational training through RMI's Encouraging Women.

Now we would like to share with you recent Praise Reports that reveal more of Bonita’s speciality:

“My New Heart”

“As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for You, my God.” Psalm 42:1 (NIV)

As I look back over my journey there were times when I did not understand what God was doing and I would become frustrated. As I continued on the journey, He then began to reveal slowly that He was giving me a new heart. Well when He told me He was giving me a new heart, I naturally assumed as I seem to do that He would do it the way I figured, lol! Oh no, God had a way specifically designed for me and it was painful. I have always heard that I needed to die to self and I never understood what that meant until I began to die. The process is very hard because at first my flesh was always in control and if it wanted something I always just gave in because it was in control. I told God whatever it took however painful I wanted to die to self.

As I began to die to myself, I noticed that I was beginning to live, something was changing and I was growing more and more hungry for the things of God and less and less for the things of the world. I hunger to read the Word to just hear Him speak to me even if it is to correct or discipline me, it is wonderful. In the physical, my eyesight is changing and my hearing is changing, so I know something wonderful is happening to me in the spiritual.

God is revealing Himself to me in such a way that all I want is Him and no one else. Yes, I love my earthly husband and thank God for him, but my heavenly Husband is wonderful beyond words!

When I am going through a time of testing or trial, I cry out to Him and He is right there comforting me like no one else can, giving me strength to go through the trial or testing. He speaks in such a way that it makes me bow my head in total worship and reverence because He deserves nothing less. When He shows me my sin, it is so loving and gentle and caring. He never yells or makes me feel like I am a failure, but He lets me know I am showing you this because I love you. See I grew up in a foster home and my sisters and I were yelled at and mistreated daily and as I grew, I naturally assumed this was how God was. And so in my walk with Him, I was always afraid and if I did something wrong I waited for the beating or the rejection.

I am 47 years old, and I am now learning how loving and kind and wonderful my heavenly Husband is to me. Many things had to be broken out of my life because of wrong thinking and past hurts but we have a Heavenly Father who heals and takes away the pain never to be remembered again. I still have much to learn but I now know and understand that my heavenly Husband loves me unconditionally.

“My Answered Prayer”

For awhile my heavenly Husband had me all to Himself, it was just me and Him and it was such a time in which He really changed me and matured me. My daughter who lives with me was helping to take care of my sister who has to have surgery.

Well I had begun to pray and talk to God about me being bored and lonely and even thought about maybe taking a second job. Well as you know He did not want me taking another job seeing as He wants me off this one I am presently on (again in His timing).

Well I talked to God and said I have so much free time I need something to do, so I just continued to pray and left it alone. My niece had to have emergency surgery and she has no one to watch her kids. So my sister and I decided that each one of us would take one of the children, and I took her little boy, his name is Charles.

All I can say is God I so thank you for bringing this little boy into my life and into my home. He is such a joy and I am so enjoying taking care of him. I look forward to playing with him and making meals for him and yes even cleaning up after him, I am in heaven. I have not had this much peace in a long time. Yes, I barely get any sleep and yes when I go to read my Word he is all over me and wants to sit in my lap, but I would not trade this time for nothing in the world. When I am at work my daughter watches him and I find myself asking God if he can be awake when I get home so that I can give him a bath or just play with him. I found myself running through the house the other day and my daughter was like mom I have never seen you run and play like that before. God is so good to me I cannot describe the joy in my heart because He knew exactly what I needed. I have thanked Him for blessing me with this gift. I also know understand what women with children go through when they say they shut themselves in the bathroom just to have some time alone... lol. I know that he will have to go home but while he is with me I am so going to enjoy this time. Our heavenly Husband knows what we need when we need it.

“He is My Source”

My heavenly Husband is so awesome. I know why I had to go through this trial and I so thank Him so much for taking me through this.

I lost my job and my heavenly Husband gave me another one just four days later! Yes, He took my job from me because it had become an idol in my life and He brought me to my knees. I cried out to Him and told Him that I did not want anything or anyone to be first in my life but Him.

When I lost my job fear hit me and it hit me hard, then I started praising Him thanking Him for taking it and something in me just changed I no longer cared about a job, what I was going to wear or what I was going to eat, because I knew without a shadow of a doubt He was going to make a way.

Even if I was going to be like Elijah and He had a raven to feed me I was going to be taken care of. My job is not my source it is just something that my heavenly Husband is using to take care of me His beautiful bride. My heavenly Husband loves me so much He is going to always make sure I want for nothing and as long as I have Him I do not need anything else. I just cannot thank Him enough for taking my job and helping me to grow up and mature more in Him knowing He is all I need.

“Humbled”

I first want to thank my heavenly Husband for allowing me to go through this trial and I am seeing Him work miracles in my life. He has been helping me let go of everything that was an Idol in my life and the biggest was the fear of losing my job, which happened. But oh how He has provided! Not one bill has gone without and I have more food than I can handle, and my family has just been awesome.

As I write this I have tears in my eyes as I think about how much He loves me and how I just did not understand that this trial was designed to bring me closer to Him. I was very prideful in the fact that I did not want to ever have to depend on anyone and that included my heavenly Husband. This was the trial that I feared the most, I would read what other women were going through and say to myself, “I pray God never takes all my finances” but I so thank Him that He has!! I have no money coming in right now but He is handling everything!

He is also teaching me to walk by faith because I used to have to know everything or see it before I would believe it. He is developing patience in me by the things that I must endure and by no means is it easy, but I am determined to go through because I know it is all for my good!

“My Sole Provider”

I am up early this morning and as I am sitting here my heavenly Husband just spoke to me and said “I want to take care of you.”

I cannot describe the feeling of love that I feel to know that My heavenly Husband desires me to want for not one thing and I do not :). Yesterday was payday but we did not get paid and I did not even care because I knew He had it all under control. The enemy wanted me to get upset about this and people all around me were angry. I then pulled out my 3x5 cards on my desk and I enjoyed reading His word and renewing my mind. See, I went through a trial and lost my previous job, and during that trial having no money coming, he taught me that He is my sole Provider!!

To know that my heavenly Husband wants to treat me like a queen is amazing because He does not want me to worry or fret or try to figure it out or come up with my own schemes, but just to rest and trust Him to provide for all my needs.

“Being Thankful”

Since going back to work I have not had the time together with my heavenly Husband as I had when I was laid off of work. I have truly missed that time so now I try to get up earlier and spend time with Him because I needthis time with Him everyday!

Riding to work is a battle within itself, because the place where I live is so crowded and the traffic is scary to say the least. Yet I no longer fear as I did when I first started working because I know that He protects me and shields me from all harm. I now see Him moving in my life to give me time in the traffic to spend with Him, even at work and after work on my drive home.

Let me explain a bit more, where I work the main entrance has been under construction so all of the hundreds of people that work there and also the surrounding businesses are leaving out of just one entrance. During this time of waiting, I now simply pray, listen to music or just sit quietly. At first I confess I was aggravated because it took a half an hour to just get out of the parking lot, but now I see that He is giving me time to spend with Him and I am so grateful!! I am learning so see a blessing in everything. To have a heavenly Husband that loves me so much that He wants to spend every moment with me is amazing. I so thank Him for showing me that many of the delays are just Him giving me more time with Him.

“He Opened My Eyes”

The other day I was doing my lessons and I came across a scripture that I wanted more clarity on, so I started Googling. I felt my heavenly Husband tell me do not do that, but to seek Him for understanding. I had no idea that I was doing anything wrong and was so amazed that even if you Google something you are seeking someone else’s answer and not His.

This so changed me into making sure that no matter what we should go to Him for a better understanding. I thank Him that He is showing me how even the smallest act can change my and His relationship. By Him showing me this has caused me to grow so much closer to Him and also understanding how He wants me to Himself. He also showed me that I was looking for the answer because I still need to be developed in seeking Him for everything, also to be still and wait for Him to answer (I’m still learning to be patient).

I thank Him for these lessons and the check He gives me in my spirit.

“He is My Confidence”

I just want to thank my heavenly Husband for truly restoring back to me my confidence in working. When I lost my job, I lost my confidence in my ability to work or to do a good job. I went through a brief period of feeling as if I was old and how would I be able to compete with the younger generation in the job market. I want to let you know He reminded me that He controls everything and that I am highly favored and blessed and never to look at myself as the world does.

My heavenly Husband has so done amazing things for me on my new job! I have only been at work maybe a little over a month and I want to let you know I am a leader and it is all Him! It is like He took all the training and gave me super powers (lol). Let me explain, I work in an industry where you have to go over people’s health benefits with them and you have to be very careful to make sure you are giving the correct information. Well, needless to say, the computer system where I work is so complex. I mean, it is like a maze but my heavenly Husband gave me wisdom that He can only give that it is like I have been working there for years. Everything comes so easy to me, I have the younger people asking for help and now in my work area everyone comes to me for help. Not only do they ask for help at work but they talk about my heavenly Husband and want to know more about Him. It is all Him. I shy away from the attention and tell them He somehow opened my head and put this information inside of me. I am beyond grateful and humbled because I know that it is tough out there in this economy but He has so got me and I pray everyday never again to take my heavenly Husband for granted.

I do not like going through the trials, but I can truly say they are changing me and helping me to be more patient and loving and compassionate towards others.

“Not for My Gain”

As I read my Ministry Commitment’s Lesson, my mind flashed back to when I was in church and I can so remember that many times my heart was not right! I wanted everyone to know that I was an awesome Christian and that I knew the word, that is because that was my way of hiding my secret sin.

I always had a struggle with men I believe because I wanted to be loved. Although I grew up with a foster father, he never showed emotion or concern towards me or my sisters.

As I read this I kept saying to myself, Lord search my heart and if I am serving in this Ministry for the wrong reasons remove me. I no longer want to serve or do anything for the wrong reason and many times I do have to check myself because it is easy to get over into the flesh.

My deepest desire it to do the will of the Lord, and yes, I struggle to many times keep my focus on Him and not on all that is going on in my journey. After reading this and seeing how many times this Ministry has been attacked, it made me so say Lord help me to be a loyal member and do nothing for my own gain but all for You to help all of us women. I have seen my share of hidden agendas in the church from the pulpit all the way to the usher.

“He Has a Plan”

I just had to write this praise report because my heavenly Husband is doing so much in my life and He is refining me so that I may continue to look to Him for everything I have need of. I have gone through a lot on this journey and I knew that there was going to come a time when He will take everything from me so that I could truly see that He is all I need. I have lost a job and since that happened I am now working but being paid much less than I made before. All this is part of His plan because you see, He has an awesome plan for my life.

Recently I had to move from where I was living because I could no longer afford the rent, but you see, it is again part of His plan. I remember it so vividly, when He began to tell me to move. I kind of sensed it before I even moved into the place, that I would not be there long and my earthly husband confirmed it to me. Trust me, I did not want to hear this because I was so tired of moving and was ready to be still and retire in one spot. But again He has a plan and it is an awesome plan. This plan was to change me into the woman He called me to be before I was formed in my mother’s womb. I had to learn to really listen and wait and move when He said so. I had to learn that many times, He does not answer your questions or even reveal what He is doing because see, I had to learn to walk by faith.

Right now, I am totally dependent on my heavenly Husband for everything I have need of and you know what, I am at peace with it. I have never in my life been so happy because He is the one who is in control and He takes care of me so wonderfully. Many would look at my life and say I was homeless and why am I not worried or afraid? Why should I be!! He has always taken care of me and always will.

When it was time to move out of my apartment, I hired movers because He told me to. I did not ask my anyone else. So I hired two movers and He sent four for the price of two. He woke me up early that morning and He told me that when the movers come, He wanted me to pray for each and every one of them. Again, He has a plan. This journey is not just about me; it is about what He wants and when He wants it. He told me the other day that He gave me a truck so that when He says go, I am to pack it up and go. If He had asked me this years ago, I would have fought Him but you see, I do not fight or argue or wonder. I learned to just say yes.

He provides for me and gives me just enough and no more and I no longer have to worry about what I will eat or where I will sleep or even what I will put on, because He provides for it all. Without trying to be in control or trying to fix things, the burden has been lifted off my shoulders, and I am the most grateful person in the world!! My heavenly Husband had to take everything so that I would understand that He is my everything and I am glad that He is doing this in my life!! Oh how it has hurt me. I have been rejected, left, laughed at even felt sorry for but I know not to open my mouth or say one word. I will take it because He has a plan.

“A Breaking Going On”

This morning as I was riding to work a song kept going through my mind, "When Jesus says yes nobody can say no, When Jesus says yes nobody can say no". I then heard the Lord began to say there is a breaking, there is a breaking going on!

I waited and allowed Him to speak and minister to me, as He began to speak He took me to when last week He had me read about Job and He began to let me know that all that I am going through is breaking me so that I can produce more fruit. He says He has and had to turn His face from me and allow me to be broken because He so loves me and knows that I need this. I have lost everything and I sleep on my neices couch and I depend on Him to supply my every need as He sees fit. I have just enough to live on and no more.

Last night, my niece was going through something and instead of talking to others she went in her room and picked up her Bible and began to read. See, she is seeing everything that I am going through, and in my mind I was like “Lord how can this help her when she sees I have been reduce to a loaf of bread!” After she cried and read, she sat down and just opened up to me about things that were so trapped deep inside that she had been dealing with for years, I saw the hurt and the pain and the struggle and I understood and had compassion because through my breaking, He has allowed me to know this pain!! She looked at me and said, “Aunt Bonita, I see all that you have gone through and I see you have such faith.” I want you to know that I almost passed out because her seeing me going through and depending on God for everything made me realize that she needs Him more than anything else in her life. I could have prayed, preached, ministered, gave her scripture but it was my life, my walk, my breaking that she saw that caused her to look up.

My life is not about me, I am just a vessel He uses, and yes the breaking is difficult, but I Praise and Thank my Lord that He is breaking me because it is drawing my family to seek after Him. I always thought if they saw the Lord blessing me with this or that or having a big house and cars and money that it would cause them to want Him, but that is not what the Lord wants! He wants us to want Him and need and depend on Him and nothing else.

I am not a great writer, never have been!! I just wanted to share this because I know that it will help someone understand that the breaking is needed and please allow Him to break you and take whatever He needs out of your life so that others can be saved.

“What Is in You”

This morning I was talking to my heavenly Husband and telling Him about how my niece and my husband were saying that I was an encouragement to them, to keep going and not give up. I began to SG because in my fleshly mind I did not understand how I could encourage another when I have nothing myself.

He spoke to me and reminded me that Jesus had no where to live and no where to stay and many times He slept outside but people were drawn to Him and He encouraged others everyday not by what He had but by what was inside of Him.

This was so amazing to me because it delivered me from thinking that material blessing made others think that the Lord was with you. It is not about what you have but it is about what is in you (Holy Spirit).

As I learn to die to self, I am living more and more each day for Him and my life is a light to others for hope and pointing them to Him.

When I was attending church, I was taught that people knew you were a Christian and blessed because they can see the Lord blessing you through “stuff.” That is a lie from the enemy because there are those who have nothing but Him and they are so blessed, at peace and full of Him.

“Anything You Want”

Ever since I started my new job, the Lord only allowed me to have just enough. He was teaching me that man does not live by bread alone but from every word that proceeds from His mouth.

I was reduced to a loaf of bread and until He saw fit to elevate me, I had to wait and be content with what I had. I learned to accept whatever He wanted to give me and I learned to not complain but to look at the blessings and the provision as a gift from a loving Husband. This taught me to be grateful for everything. He humbled me and allowed me to have just enough.

Yesterday at work, I was walking down the hall and He told me, “Today, you may ask Me for anything you want.” This was so strong in my spirit; I said if it be Your will can I please have more hours at work (see, I was not getting 40 hours). I prayed and left it at that. This morning when I came in, I was informed that I would be transferring to another team, which will give me more hours and possible overtime. He has also provided a way that I would no longer be staying with my niece but at the end of the week will have my own place to stay. I so thank my heavenly Husband because as I learn to not complain and be content, He is taking me from glory to glory in His way and in His timing.

I am so excited about having a place where it is just me and my heavenly Husband spending that time together so that we can really get closer and closer.

“Any Loophole”

I knew about tithing all my life and it took me going through losing my entire family for me to understand how important it is to tithe!! I no longer tithe to get anything from my heavenly Husband, I tithe because I love Him and obey Him.

I remember when I was in church and I struggled so much with tithing! I would tithe and then I would allow the enemy to whisper in my ear that I needed the money or that it was okay not to because God knew my heart. Yes He knew my heart and it was wicked and disobedient! I wanted to have any loophole to keep from tithing and keeping my money to do whatever I wanted.

I am so thankful and grateful that He did not give up on me and He patiently worked with me and ministered to me that the 10% belongs to Him. I know the struggle of not wanting to let go of the tithe, but I so am grateful that it is not even a struggle any longer.

“I Just Melt”

I so want to sing Praise and Love to my heavenly Husband because He always sends encouragement right when I become afraid or overwhelmed and I am so grateful for His love. This morning as I was reading the Encourager, Sarah in Wales praise report "New Sarah Edwards Chapter: My Journey Home" so encouraged me to understand that what I am going through is all His will. When the heat and the fire are turned up, He is burning all those impurities out of my life.

I just want His will for my life and nothing more. I have lived so long doing what I want but I am more than grateful that He is taking care of me and handling everything. I am at a place in my life where He provides in such a way that it just makes me laugh and smile, and when He speaks to me with so much love and understanding I just melt. To be so loved is beyond what I could ever imagine. I just want to stay with my heavenly Husband because He takes good care of me.

I am just so grateful for the encouragement right when I needed it.

“I Stumble when I Listen to Others”

When I was attending church I always struggled with tithing. There was many times I so felt the Lord dealing with me in this area and I would tithe for awhile and then I would make excuses or allow the enemy to tell me lies. Sadly I’d even heard people in the church who would say the Lord understands that you cannot tithe so give what you can, this caused me to stumble when I listened to others and not the word of the Lord. He commands us to bring the whole tithe into the storehouse for our protection to prove He’s first in our lives.

So I was determined that when I came to RMIEW that I was going to be obedient and tithe. Yes, the enemy tried with his lies but I knew the word and I was determined to be obedient. It does not matter if the Lord blesses me with anything, because He said to do it, I am doing just want He said and as a result I have a restored marriage.

If someone would ask me what I would say to others, I would say listen to what the Lord says in His Word and not to others and push past the fear. I have had pastors who would not preach tithing because they did not want to offend people or for people to think they just wanted their money. I had no idea that when you do not preach the whole word of God you are compromising His word, which thankfully doesn’t happen here at RMIEW.

If you struggle with tithing, stop and pray with me:

Dear Lord,

I thank you for never giving up on me and continue to deal with my heart about the tithe and how important it is to follow Your word. Lord those times when I listened to the enemy or to others and did not bring my whole tithe I ask you to forgive me.

Dear Fellow traveler,

To bring the whole tithe to the storehouse that the Lord has directed you to. Do not compromise His word but to be obey His word fully.

“Filled a Void”

Today I wanted to just go over the lesson about the Lord becoming my Heavenly Husband. I had begun to repeat the phrase "Lord, You are all I want, all I need and all I live for." I know that this is becoming so true in my heart.

I remember that there was a time long ago that I could not wait to get home from work and get on my knees beside my bed and just talk to the Lord. Back then I had no idea that He was my heavenly Husband. I just knew He was all I wanted and needed. Through sin and disobedience I grew apart from the person I needed more than anyone. Yes, I yearned for years to get back to that relationship and when I met people who had that type of relationship with Him I would be so envious. See, I thought I could make a relationship instead of just allowing Him to draw me. I was always caught up in works because I grew up a Baptist and we were taught to work for salvation. This caused me a lot of frustration. My relationship with my heavenly Husband is not something I can make happen. It will come as I read His loving word, take walks with Him and talk to Him. He will become the deepest desire I need.

This morning He showed me it was happening. Over the summer I used to watch my niece’s little boy and he was everything to me. I mean he filled a void that only my heavenly Husband should fill. Well I am back to watching him again and this time it is different because there is no void for him to fill because it is filled with my heavenly Husband. This place in me belongs to Him and Him alone. Yes, I love the little boy but I no longer have that void that needs to be filled.

Dear Brides,

Do not try to work at the relationship or try to make it happen, just allow it to grow. Read His loving word, spend time with Him, talk to Him, let Him change and mold you. The relationship will happen if you allow Him to be the one in control. Remember the enemy always wants us to be in works because this causes us to be frustrated and wore out. Remember light and easy.

“Die to My Flesh”

After studying my RMIOU Ministry Commitments lesson, I do believe that I need to read this lesson over and over so that I can truly understand my heavenly Husband.

The enemy has attacked me many times on this journey and I have given into those attacks many times. I have cried out to my heavenly Husband to sense His peace only to come right back and be attacked in my mind again. The battles have gotten so bad that many times I am physically exhausted. I have wanted to give up many times but each time He comes and does something to my heart.

I am now back to living with my niece and I noticed that I have allowed myself to pick back up a bad habit of drinking wine. When I first started this journey I would use wine to cope with the things in my life. I had cried out to the lord and He delivered me, when I lost my job I began to think oh one glass will not hurt, but yes it does, it hurts more than you think because one glass turns into a glass everyday. When I first read this I felt the conviction and I went to my heavenly Husband and prayed. I no longer desire to use wine to dull the pain I now understand that whatever I am feeling good or bad to take it to my heavenly Husband.

I know on this journey many times I struggle with rebellion not because I do not want to do what my heavenly Husband says but many times things He requires are areas I still need to die to in my flesh and it because it’s a struggle to let go of those areas because I have allowed them so much control in my life over the years.

I am learning to confess my sin as soon as He shows it to me and not just confessing but asking Him to remove it from my life completely. My desire is to please my heavenly Husband in everything I do and I know many times I have gotten into works trying to make things happen. I am learning to calm down and wait and allow Him to move me forward. It is not easy because I truly want to have my own place to stay again someday. The enemy taunts me all the time about how at the age of 48 I have nothing but it is not about things I know, but it still is something I struggle with.

He says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."—1 John 1:9

Lord I confess I have allowed wine to be a comfort to me only to realize that this is not a crutch that I want in my life. I continue to bring the areas in my life that You show me to You so that You can help me overcome. I’m still learning the difference between conviction and condemnation.

Dear Lord,

I still struggle with many times not understanding this journey and many times the enemy tries to tell me I am crazy for following. I have to remind myself of Your word but there are times when he comes at me so hard that I get worn out from the fight.

Dear Brides,

Confess all your sins as He shows them to you let nothing hinder you from making it right with your heavenly Husband so that you can experience His peace and shut the mouth of the enemy.

Ministry note from Erin: I greatly admire Bonita for confessing her "sin" if it is in fact a "sin." I do not drink and never have been a drinker, but I don't believe in itself it IS a sin. In Titus it warns the older woman to not be “enslaved to much wine.” So if Bonita is feeling "convicted" due to one glass leading to more, and most importantly if this (or anything else we do) is causing others to stumble or weakening her relationship with the Lord, then it is something she should SIMPLY SG and ask Him to remove from her life.

Titus 2:3-15—“Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.”

“Best of Both Worlds”

I was reading today’s Part 3 of the lesson, “Are you ready for a restored marriage?” My marriage has been restored but my earthly husband is not living in the same home due to our financial crisis. I use to worry and pray about this but let me tell you, not anymore. I am so enjoying my time alone with my heavenly Husband. I love it! Yes, I do see my earthly husband all the time and when we see one another, we never argue or fuss; instead we enjoy one another’s company so I get the best of both worlds.

I have read the many testimonies of when the earthly husband comes home, all the trials and how many of the women long for that time before the earthly husband comes home. At that time, I could not understand. I so understand now because I no longer long for that. I am so content with what my heavenly Husband is doing right now. I feel so loved because I do not have to face a lot of things that go on with my earthly husband daily as the enemy is constantly on his heels at present, which I know is part of God changing him as He’s lovingly changed me.

I have had my eyes opened and I am so grateful for my heavenly Husband for not allowing him to come home yet until He says it is time because trust me, I was by no means ready. I would say please get close to your heavenly Husband and trust me, that feeling of wanting them to come home will go away. We need our heavenly Husband more than our earthly husband. I use to get so upset because of the separation but my heavenly Husband knows what I need more than I would ever know. I love Him for not answering that prayer because He knew what was best for me.

“Where I Need to Be”

I just have to share this because my heavenly Husband knew I wanted so much more of Him and he also knows when is preparing us for something to come.

Where I work is a call center and I do Health and Welfare benefits for a large company. Normally when you work in this type of job you get calls constantly I mean sometimes back to back. Well my heavenly Husband arranged it for me to be on a team that I may get 25 calls a day. So what do I do with the rest of my time, yes I am in my word, praying and listening to him. I pull out my bible and paper and I go to town reading and writing what He places on my heart. See this is my training ground for something to come. I have so gotten to know my heavenly Husband through His word that I see the changes in myself, lol. I do less talking and more listening, which is huge for me because in my family I am one of the talkers.

Can you say being paid to read your word, lol how amazing is that. In my other jobs, to pull out your bible was a big no no but see my heavenly Husband knew where I needed to be and when He sent me to work there I did not want to work there. I was of trying to find where I wanted to work, I so thank Him. He closed all those doors.

I have the best job in the world because I am with my heavenly Husband all day long.

As an antelope pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, God. (Psalms 42:1 ISV)

Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” (Matthew 4:4 NIV)

When you get to that place in your life that if you do not have Him you have nothing than you are growing closer and closer to Him. I am at that place that without him I have nothing because I need him everyday. I still have a long way to go but I am headed in the right direction towards my heavenly Husband.

“Unexpected Blessing”

My heavenly Husband is so good to me that words cannot describe. Let me begin with the awesome blessing He gave me on Saturday.

I was driving home from work on Friday and my heart just went to my great nephew (he is the one I used to watch). Well he came so strong on me that I just prayed but I knew nothing was wrong because as I was praying I saw him smiling and laughing. So that night I could not sleep and my heavenly Husband just was talking to me about how Jesus had already paid it all He made it so real to me that I just began to weep and thank him for what He had done on the cross for all of us. I went back to sleep for a little while and then again saw my great nephew’s face, prayed some more.

I got up started getting ready for the day, making my mental note that I had some grocery shopping to do (now mind you my budget for groceries is 10.00 a week) well this week I had 12.00. I got in the car and started talking about about my nephew and my daughter was like mom I think you are missing him, so I called his mom and asked to speak to him. She was like aunt Bonita God woke me up out my sleep with you on my mind. Well we talked a little bit more and she was like what are you doing today I said well dropping something off at your moms and then grocery shopping. She said, well I am coming to get you and bless you.

Now, this is where the Lord had to deal with my pride because my niece is a single mother with two kids and I do not like her to give or do anything for me because I know she is struggling. Long story short, she had received an unexpected blessing and she had asked the Lord to send someone that she could bless and He showed her me. My niece bought me groceries, took me out to eat me and my daughter and also we all went to a place called Discovery Place where the kids and we all could play, I was so truly blessed Saturday it was unreal. My heavenly Husband did more than I could ever ask or pray for. “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us” (Ephesians 3:20 NIV)

My heavenly Husband did more than I could even pray or think to pray about.

“Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful.” (1 Corinthians 1:27 NIV)

He uses whomever he wants, be open because you never know where the blessing is going to come from and when we assume or lean to our own understanding we can miss what He is doing.

“I Began to Fall!”

I took my eyes off my heavenly Husband and when i took my eyes off Him and began to look at my situation I began to fall.

This last week I had begun to get so discouraged and lost my joy and I could not sleep and I just began to worry. I had no idea what in the world was wrong with me, In my mind I was just so ready to give up. My daughter even commented and asked me what was wrong because she could tell that something was wearing me down. I began to pray because whatever this was, was also causing me not to be able to concentrate or focus.

Than this morning as I was getting ready for work my heavenly Husband told me what it was, so simple so gentle, so loving. You have taken your eyes off me and are looking at all that is going on in your life right now and you are also rehearsing every negative comment, and lies, and heartache that you have gone through on this journey.

See right now he told me to be so real because this is going to help someone else, me and my daughter right now are living in and extended stay, I have ten dollars a week that I have budget for food, we survive on frozen meals that do not cost over a dollar. Ever penny is accounted for and yes I tithe. Many would look at my situation and think wow how can you live like that and I will tell you because it is all Him and He does supply all my needs. We want for nothing, food never runs out, gas in my car to get back and forth to work. We find free things to do and we love to window shop (lol)

Well this weekend, I took my eyes off my heavenly Husband, see my earthly husband is working on getting us a house right now and in order to pay the deposit he has offered to work on the house in exchange for reduced rent and not having to put down the deposit. Well I began to look at not having enough money, and how much longer we got to live here and so on and so on as we do when we have allowed the flesh to get in and we have taken eyes off heavenly Husband. I began to sink and I began to sink fast. I cried out to my heavenly Husband and even began to think about leaving the Ministry (trick of the enemy) so many things was going through my mind and all of them negative that it just wore me out, I could not even concentrate to read my bible, so you know it has gotten really bad.

I am so thankful that my heavenly Husband spoke to me and told me what was really going on and what happened. It is so easy to shift that eye and the next things you know both your eyes are on your situation. I thank Him and praise. Please if you have gotten your eyes off your heavenly Husband, stop right now repent go to Him and asked Him to help you get back your focus. He allows us to go through things to help others and ourselves, so now I know when this happens I needed to get my eyes back on my heavenly Husband. Love you ladies.

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” (Matthew 14:28-30 NIV)

As long as I kept my eyes on my heavenly Husband I did not see the raging storm around me but as soon as I shifted my eyes and began to look at all that was going on it so affect my life and I began to sink and sink fast.

~Bonita in Georgia RESTORED, is a Minister in Training who we can clearly see from her pictures that not willing to get off the potter's wheel can transform you not only on the inside but also what others see on the outside.