“Husband Suddenly Came Home Broken”

“Husband Suddenly Came Home Broken”

It all began when my EH left in January 2013 after 2 months of squabbling and painful exchanges. When he left, I felt like a rug was pulled out from under me because I was caught by surprise! I never suspected that there might have been someone else because I trusted my EH a lot and I thought we had a really great marriage, quite honestly. Little did I know that with my EH it was a totally different story.

My husband had been harboring ill feelings towards me for the past 14 years while being married, explaining that I never valued him, that he felt controlled and emotionally abused, that he no longer loved me and that he felt our marriage was hopeless! When he told me, I confess, I responded quite angrily especially when he started coming home at sunrise, drunk and disrespectful. I threw a fit and because I was so mad, I left our home and went straight to a friend's house. I poured out all my anger towards him to all my friends and I said I would not go home and speak to him if he did not try to fix the mess “he” started. This ultimatum pushed him to decide to leave the house and our family.

The first few months were horrible. I went into a deep depression. So I ran to every single person I knew to get help and everyone had a different version of help to give to me—ranging from seducing him back to me to filing for my annulment. During this time I lost 15 pounds and was a measly 99 lbs. in weight! It took me several month of craziness in my life (by crazy I mean I would go out drinking with my friends, stalking facebook and his friends, reading all kinds of books and websites about marriage and winning a guy back) before I found RMI. The breaking point was after 8 months of being separated when it was finally confirmed that there was an OW was involved. That’s when I asked God to show me, to help to know how to deal with this situation because I just literally wanted to die already and be over with the pain. That’s when I typed in "Does God want to restore my marriage?" and I found your site!!

That’s when the Lord began to change me and deal with me, primarily, on the area of control. He brought me to so many situations where He needed to show me were not possible if not for Him. He also allowed me to see how badly the turnout would be when I pursued being in control of a situation, which made me surrender (several times because it was too hard) so my will would be to follow His.

The principles that God, through RMI, taught me were:

1) Putting God first. In my entire married life, I put everything or everyone first before God. I would think the number one thing in my life was myself. I put my needs before God, my husband and my kids.

2) Removing contention and keeping quiet. For someone who wants to be in control of situations, contention is not too far away from a conversation. Throughout this entire trial, God showed me that a lot of what pushed my EH to leave me had to do with my need to get my way and not let go of an argument! I believe this is something we don't learn in just one go... it's still a process for me now, so God is still dealing with me on this. When I am humbled in the presence of the Lord, especially when I’ve spend time in prayer, it is easy to be gentle and kind and quiet in my EH's presence. But when I am tired and I allow anger and pride to return, I need to be careful to still keep my mouth shut when needed.

3) Seeking God. I grew up an only child where my parents were almost never home, and so I always had the need to talk to someone and feel validated by a person. Throughout this last year, the Lord removed several people from my life so He could lead me to seek Him for questions that I needed answers or decisions that were to be made. And to be validated by Him.

Some of the hardest times for me were when I knew there was an OW, but that’s when the Lord kept filling me with grace and unconditional love for my EH. God gave me a daily double dose of His grace to forgive my EH and the OW and to pray for them both even when my hurt was unbelievably deep!

The turning point of my restoration was when I was invited to a prayer group and was asked to share to the attendees how God helped me through the storms in my life. I was able to talk about how God was amazing in taking care of me and the kids, how He became a Heavenly Husband to me and how He assured me that no matter what, He will never leave me or forsake me.

Immediately after this one afternoon activity, I felt an onslaught of the enemy's attacks on me. I was feeling all sorts of anxiety and doubts about my journey. I was questioning whether I had done the right thing, if I should have just kept quiet about the Lord's workings in my life, if I should just give up, etc.

Then 2 weeks prior to my EH's return, God led me to start reading several chapters of the Bible, in the book of Numbers, which talked about how the Israelites' complainings had angered the Lord so much, that He caused them to wander 40 more years in the desert. I clearly recalled repenting for any complaining that I might have been doing and crying to Him that I was more than content with my situation at present, with Him taking care of all our needs and being in control of my life. Yet I definitely did not want to wander the desert of my life for 40 years! A week before EH's return, God then told me to read Deuteronomy 6:10 all the way until Deuteronomy 8. I was wondering the whole time, “Was the Lord bringing me already into my promised land?” Because it surely didn't look anything like it. I poured over these verses and wrote in my journal everything that the Lord spoke to me.

Then, suddenly one morning, I woke up to the sound of my doorbell ringing. Thinking it was the carpenter who was to do repairs, I went to the door to see my EH standing in my living room, looking tired, dressed in clothes he seemed to have slept in. He asked me if he could use my bathroom and if he could leave his car at my garage as he was planning to go home to my in-laws and just have them pick him up. I asked him if he was alright because I got worried that he looked so distraught. He held my arm and simply said "Please just keep praying for me" when I got even more concerned. So I asked him if there was anything he needed my help with. That’s when a tear broke from his eye and he said he was ok. That night he slept for the first time in our house and was in and out for several weeks before he finally making the decision to stay.

In a span of a week, I was told by a common friend that my EH and the OW were no longer together for a few months already, and that he was going through depression for not having a job for more than a year. He was down to nothing...no work, no money, no OW, no home! My EH moved back home suddenly!! Unlike what I expected in the testimonies I've read in the past (a few I read in By Word of Their Testimony book) and heard from friends whose marriages were restored, my husband did not come home crying and asking for my forgiveness. He actually returned home broken, coming back quietly and expressed a desire to fix his life with his kids primarily, and to try to fix his family relationship, but is not ready to deal with our marriage yet. Nevertheless I know He will finish what He started and give me more time to be more of a wise woman.

For women who are interested in restoring their marriages, I would highly recommend the How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage book. I have actually recommended it to several women already who I know are going through a crisis in their marriages. I have also shared this site to a few women for them to explore on their own :).

Just like all of you, I was very scared of this journey I found myself in. To completely let go of control over our life and our circumstances can be the scariest thing to do everyday especially if you were like me who always thought they had everything under control and figured out. But to know a loving Father, a faithful Heavenly Husband, a Confidante, and a Best Friend the way God has been to me, as well as to have a much deeper relationship with His Son Jesus is one of the most fulfilling experiences you can ever have during this whole process. It may not "feel" like anything good is happening nor does it "look" like things will change, but to really just walk each day by faith believing what God has promised you, you will see the breakthroughs a bit at a time to get you till the end of this journey!

Since my EH came back home a month ago, my HH has been showing me small victories every day of giving me the desires of my heart. So far my HH has restored me to my in-laws (I have been included in family gatherings again after almost 2 years if not seeing them), and He has granted my need for dental work (my EH brought me and our kids for dental checks) so everything will be free of charge! Also after almost 2 years, my family started going back to church together with our spiritual leader.

I know my full and completed restoration is within sight, this is going to be a slow process still as I can clearly see how God is still needing to change me and how He is working in my EH's life. Sometimes I become frightened over the thought that since we really haven't spoken about reconciliation yet, so that anytime my EH can just change his mind and leave. But unlike in the past, I have a confidence in a God, a HH who is in control of my life and my marriage. I know that as God works through me, He will continue to soften my EH's heart and turn it back fully to Him and then to me.

"And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." Phil 1:6

Whatever happens I am secure in the love of my HH who promises to never ever leave me nor forsake me! And this love is ALL that I truly need and truly want and live for! Praise God, my Heavenly Husband!

~Peachy in Philippines