Restored even after MY Adultery!! 1196
My husband and I had only been married for a year and a half when we separated! I had never been married before (this was his second marriage) so I did not know how to really treat a man with respect and consideration. That is not to say that he was perfect either but he did treat me right from the beginning. I honestly believe, because I treated him so badly and made his life so miserable, that I began to see him back away from me and lose respect for me.
One of our big problems was our level of spirituality. He was very involved in church and made God a priority in his life. I, on the other hand, attended “at times,” but could do without the actual church experience. I basically only prayed when I needed something or got into trouble. I treated my husband very badly and always spoke of divorce or separation. Then, one day he came home and left, stating that was what I wanted.
After freaking out for about a week or so, I began to get it together. I moved out and got my own place with our daughter. I got a job and started to support myself. I had nowhere else to turn and began to see that God allowed this to happen for a reason. He would begin to change me and I would begin to feel the humility that I was due!
That’s when I found RMI. I give you the credit for leading me in the right direction. I began to understand that God wanted me all to Himself and that only when He had gotten me to a certain point, then things would change for my situation.
During my new walk with the Lord, I learned to trust in Him only. I think I had made a mistake before of looking to my husband to make me happy and blaming him for everything wrong. I learned that God is in control of things, not me. It was SO hard to give up control and just follow blindly! But as I began to do that, my situation started to change! The biggest change came after I fell flat on my face!
I allowed another man to come in and fill me with all the things I was not receiving from my husband. The enemy sent him for sure. He told me everything I had wanted to hear from my husband, and completely played on my emotions and vulnerability—and I allowed it! This was after I had been so involved in the Word!! I began to skip church and not look at your website anymore because of the guilt I felt! Although I was separated, I was still married, and had become an adulterer! I had reached an all time low!
My husband found out about my "adultery" but still loved me anyway and pursued me like he hadn't in the past five months we had been separated. I could not believe how open he became to me again, wanting to spend time with me every day (when before we only saw each other once a week on his terms). He also became intimate with me again, when before he did not want us to be intimate. He wanted us to work on ourselves and then come back together. He had an elaborate plan, but God had another one!
Incredibly, I met with him one day and told him I wanted a divorce. He asked me if there was someone else. When I blatantly lied to him about the adultery, he gave up himself. I received divorce papers days later. I felt so ashamed of myself. I was going to sign the papers. But then something inside me only wanted to be with my husband!
I immediately broke it off with the other man and went to my husband and confessed everything! We tried to get back together a few times in the next couple of months, but he was having trouble with that. He just kept getting to a point where he kept asking me to sign the divorce papers and would not talk with me anymore! I was so sad about it, but I knew God could turn it around.
I continued to lean on Him and pray for my husband. I prayed for the hedge of protection and that he would long for me again. I prayed that he would not be able to relax or be happy because deep down he wanted me but wouldn't admit it to even himself! He even went to a divorce recovery group and took his wedding ring off! I just sat still and waited for God to change things. I knew He was working "behind the scenes” no matter what it looked like. Everyone thought I was crazy because I kept telling them it would change and they would tell me they didn't believe it! I understood that they must not know my God!
This is how my restoration happened. After not seeing any hope from my husband for over a month, I began to find hope in the little things that I did see, even though to others, they were not a big deal. Then one day at church, they announced a men's retreat the upcoming weekend. I prayed that my husband would attend. They also announced a marriage seminar to take place about a month later! I silently prayed that he would feel some sort of desire to go. (He still attended our church, but went to a later service offered.)
That very day, I was waiting after church while my daughter played on the playground. My husband came over to ask me if I wanted to go to the seminar! I was pleasantly shocked! I agreed and told him I would love to. I knew that he was aware I still wore my ring and considered us married. We began to talk and see each other again!
The next weekend, he went to the men's retreat and when we saw each other after that, he told me he wanted us to move back in together again! I was amazed! God worked suddenly to turn things around and we moved back in together a month ago! God is so good!
I found you when I began searching for help for separated people, and came across your website. The stories I saw hit so close to home that I immediately joined your fellowship! Thank you all so much for giving me the encouragement I needed to go along with God's will for our marriage!
I have recommended your ministry to several people who are having trouble in their marriage and even to those that have been divorced for years! My ePartner was great and very encouraging to me. It was nice to know there were people out there in the world praying for me. I also learned to fast and began to see great results from that!
Praise the Lord and thank you Restore Ministries for offering understanding and hope! I will never forget you!
Randi in Mississippi
The Glory is God's!! 661
“I had always wanted to have a close walk with the Lord and would pray to Him to draw me closer. However, over time, I now see I drifted from the Lord and made my husband and our marriage my idol. At the same time, I was a very contentious and self-righteous wife and person. I thought I had the perfect marriage and perfect husband and patted myself on the back for being smart enough to pick him. I took my husband and our marriage for granted but most of all I had turned my back on my Lord and Savior, my first love.
One day, my husband came to me and told me that he only loved me as a friend and that I was weak and damaged and he wanted a chance to be happy with someone else. I was devastated. I couldn't eat or sleep and began to turn to the Lord. However, I was surrounded by people (many Christians) who told me that I shouldn't put up with my husband, I deserved better, even that my next marriage would be better! I felt overwhelmed and made a HUGE mistake.
I left my husband and went to stay with my family in another state. This pushed my husband into adultery, which he confessed to me once I returned. He said that he and the OW were just friend, but I told him that our marriage was over and then I asked him to leave.
Somehow, the Lord found me in my pit that I had created, and gave me the grace to forgive my husband. I called him and left a message for him saying I forgave him and he returned home. I wish I could say that our marriage was restored at that point, but it was not. It was at this time that searching on the Internet that I found RMI. I remember reading the words that this was not accident—that I had found this ministry as a preordained appointment with God!
Through the ministry, God changed me. The Lord convicted me of all the ways I had betrayed my husband and our marriage and especially my Lord. I have worked, and been tested (and continue to be tested) with putting the Lord first and trusting Him—NOT what I am seeing with my eyes.
The God began to change my situation. There were times, however, that I felt I could not go on. But each time, as I would give it to the Lord, He would find me and be so faithful to pick me up and dust me off.
I still struggle so much, especially now that my husband and I are restored and living together. It seems things have almost become more difficult. But I know the devil is really working hard to keep our restoration from enduring because he knows the Glory is God's!!
God taught me first to be agreeable and not be contentious. Most of all I learned I must put the Lord first. I was so self-righteous in many areas of my life and I am so disgusted by this behavior and what it has cost the Lord's Kingdom by turning others away from, instead of to, the Lord's Word. My most difficult challenge, right now, is to stay focused on “Letting Go” and “Letting God.” I want so much for this restoration to be complete that I sometimes forget how far God has taken us and need to remember He is faithful to complete the good works that He started, not me.
I am very interested in being a part of our RMI’s restored group. I feel I need the community and support now more than ever so that I may stand strong and give God the Glory. I know that our complete restoration is coming soon and I want to be careful not to let the enemy steal God's victory."
Tina in California
Trust and Wait! 224
God bless you all and I hope that my praise report will be encouraging to all.
For the last two years, I have kept silent on my praises until now. Although my husband never left our home physically, mentally he was not here. He was in adultery for two and a half years, and he slept at her apartment every night for two years. I was devastated and in shock, but I knew that I had to seek God with all of my heart and all of my soul.
God placed women and your ministry in my path to encourage me and to lift me up. I will not tell you what I endured for the last two years, but only that I had to put my total trust in the Lord.
After submitting to my husband totally, as unto the King of Kings, He finally answered my prayer, and turned my husband’s heart to me, and reconciled us both! My husband has been home every night since then.
I am praising Him everyday and continue to ask the Lord to change me, and to heal and restore my marriage completely so that we can both walk in unity spiritually. Our God is an awesome God!
My word to all the ladies is to Trust and Wait!
Provi in New Jersey
Thursday, 10/10/13, Daily EncouragerCheryl in Scotland; I’ve experienced a Restored Marriage
To all you women without children - God wants to restore your marriage. And to all you women in the UK - God lives here too...!
I was only married for 6 months when it just turned even more sour and nasty by the day and I kept telling myself "This is not my happy Christian marriage I signed up for."
There were constant battles about money, housework, differences in opinions and crockery flying. We never went to church because we were falling away. I found out things about my husband that made me tell him I was ashamed I married him and I would scoff that I’d never be able to bring children into our marriage, how much I hated him and that everyone told me never to marry him. Then I eventually was so exhausted and had enough of fights that I told him I was leaving, I'd had enough of this marriage, and he also would have to find somewhere else to live. This in turn led to a fight that turned nasty and the police had to intervene.
Well, I was all for filing for divorce and starting again, maybe even being single the rest of my life. A life of quiet sounded like bliss. But one day I am sure I felt God tell me He wanted to restore my marriage and I was to pursue this. O.K.?! I searched for all the scriptures on marriage I knew and had to have it confirmed - God’s will for my marriage. I must say that God gave me a good telling off for my contentious behaviour and taught me many lessons. However, He is a gentle forgiving Father.
Nobody was with me. Not my Christian parents, who gave me “what for?”and said "best of luck with that!", when I told them God was going to restore my marriage. My Christian friends tried their best but after a few glasses of wine, gave me the sympathetic head tilt...apparently God doesn’t do that!
So I learned I just had to shut up. This was my journey to go alone...me and My God. And eventually I came across your ministry. Which confirmed everything and which I must admit, I devoured in a whole 7 days - then had to let my brain cool down.
Up to this point I had zero contact with my husband or his family, didn’t even know where he was. I felt in my heart I had to write to him and apologise for my part in events. This didn’t sit well in my mind as the material says NEVER to contact them. But it kept stirring in me and I prayed for favour and after a few days, I just had to do it. This letter opened up the doors of communication and we have spoken via SMS every day and met up for a couple weekends away.
In our time apart, God has been talking to my husband too and he has returned to church and has been listening to Christian radio and praying and declaring. WOW...talk about "exceedingly and abundantly beyond all I can ever imagine..."
Husband is due to come home to live tomorrow...Praise GOD! We have a court case to go through first which is not nice but unavoidable and the enemy is trying his best to intimidate...he knows his time is up! But I know who goes before me and has prepared the way. A new journey starts from here.
My advice is that there is no secret formula when it comes to the things of God. You only have to remember who's your Daddy?! The King of Kings. What does that make you? A PRINCESS. An heiress with all authority in your hands and the enemy under your feet. God knows you. He made you. He loves you and wants to heal your life.
~Cheryl in Scotland
Ministry Note from Erin: I am thrilled that Cheryl listened to the Lord who led her to contact her husband. The truth is, in the RYM book it says that if YOU are the one who left or kicked your husband out, then you ARE to be the one to contact your husband not wait for him. The "no contact" is for the majority of women whose husbands have left on their own accord.
Thursday, 11/28/13, Daily Encourager Submitted by: Stephanie in South Carolina; I’ve Experienced a Restored Marriage, I’ve taken or am currently taking one of the Rebuilder’s Courses.
In June of this year, my earthly husband walked out on me with no explanation. I was married on June 7th and ten days later my earthly husband left. It left me feeling lost and confused. Although I felt my marriage was over, I had a peace within me which left me more confused. I had no idea that my earthly husband had a drug problem until the night of our honeymoon. I love my earthly husband dearly and wanted him to come home to work on our marriage. However, he would not talk to me. No one believed that my marriage was worth being restored, and many, except one woman, felt I should seek a divorce. None of them suggested that I seek God. While on a prayer room site Ramona, one of the RMI ministers reached out to me and shared the first chapter of “How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage.” I had witnessed two restored marriages, so I knew God was able to restore mine.
I read the entire chapter of the book that same night. It gave me the determination to follow everything God instructed me to do. The further along I walked with God, the more I began to change. God redirected my focus from my marriage to my relationship with Him. I thought that my attendance in church and knowledge of scripture meant I was fine. I didn't realize that I was living a big lie. I gave my life to the Lord when I was young and had a strong walk with Him until I reached college. Since then I returned to the Lord but I struggled with the hurt and lies my church taught me. It was a constant battle between the worldly teachings of the church and my christian walk with God. When He got a hold of me, He removed the dark cloud of sin surrounding my life. I was prideful, arrogant, greedy, bossy, a know-it-all, mean-spirited, and impatient. I was ashamed at how I treated my earthly husband and loved ones. I asked God to change me no matter how much it hurt. I refused to get off the potter's wheel. The Lord beat, shook, pressed and molded me in all sorts of ways. I learned to bring everything only to God and feed myself daily on His Word. I fasted to die to my flesh and eliminated everything that distracted me from hearing God's Word. I allowed Him to renew my mind from years of wrongful thinking.
I sought God in all I did. I allowed Him to use my life as an open book to share with others about the happiness they could have through Christ. There were times when it became hard for me and I became lonely. I tried to fill my loneliness through the company of other men. However, God convicted me to let Him fill my void. Through my trials and testing I learned that obedience to God is the key to a life of peace and joy.
My final test in obedience came when the Lord asked me to take the “How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage” book to my previous pastor. I didn't understand why. I felt that since she was a pastor, she should know that God can restore marriages. I remained obedient and leaned not on my own understanding. On a Sunday I got up, placed the book in a gift bag, and presented it to my pastor as a gift.
On that Monday, I received an e-mail from my earthly husband at work. We work for the same company and on the same floor. He said he needed to speak with me. Trust me I was nervous. I prepared myself for rejection because that is what I encountered all my life. We met in the middle of the floor. As soon as he saw me a big smile came across his face and he hugged me. He said that he had been praying and wanted to restore our marriage. I stood there shocked and in silence. I told him I had a meeting to attend and he said he would walk me to the meeting. He commented on how quiet and gentle I was. He kept telling me I was his wife and asked me if I realized it. He said he felt a part of him was missing while he was away from me. My earthly husband thanks God for blessing him with me. He said that seeing and talking to me was the happiest he has been in four months.
Ladies, this was all God. I couldn't have done this alone. I recommend RMI and its resources to all women whether single or married. Please, whatever you do, draw closer to God. Be obedient to all He leads you to do. Follow His Word and the principles laid out for us in this Ministry. It is through our obedience to God that we experience greater blessings, joy and peace that He has stored up for us.
~Stephanie in South Carolina
Friday, 11/1/13, Daily Encourager Submitted by: Martha in Michigan; I’ve experienced a RESTORED MARRIAGE
Hello, my name is Martha and I am sitting on our bed, typing my restoration testimony : ) to share with you!! Here is a little bit about what happened that I hope will encourage each of you!
My husband and I were married 6 months and fought constantly! I was contentious and always right. I mothered him, knew it all and belittled him. Every time I threw one of my tantrums, he was always the one to apologize just to keep the peace and then he “checked out”. I lived at home but he wanted nothing to do with me and I was rejected constantly. After a few months and with mostly fleshly attempts, we reconciled and things were better. Then the fighting started again and my attitude was right back to where it was. Then one year after the first time he "checked out", he told me he wanted a divorce.
But Praise God that He changed me and is continuing to mold me more into His image!! My closest friends have mentioned to me how much I've matured. I had an overbearing and nagging attitude and now I listen and don't give my opinion unless he asks! As I sought the Lord with all my heart for His face and not His hand, He turned my husband's heart. He wants to be Lord of our lives!!
The principles that I hold dearest are kindness on the tongue, quiet and gentle Spirit, tithe to your storehouse and seek the Lord with zeal! The Lord taught me that He is my husband and He will never let me down, He will always be around, I can ask Him anything and He will always have the perfect answer. He will never reject me and always love me.
The most difficult times were when we had no contact for weeks, when he would flaunt his new and great life and tell me what I did wrong and why we couldn't be together. It was hard to see our home turned into his home and lose friends.
I believe my “turning point” came after I made my mind up and kept it set to follow ALL the principles in the RYM Book that come directly from God's Word! I had been tithing to another ministry and not my storehouse, I was double-minded by allowing this ministry and another restoration ministry to feed me and I was not writing down verses on 3X5 cards. I started doing those things that I thought didn't apply to me, although RMI taught them! I was deceived! I then began fasting more, spending more time with God and began re-reading the RYM Book. I decided I would stop dreaming up how our restoration would occur and made my mind up to make God my Husband. I went to Him with my worries and anxieties. I want to say that I would not have been able to do any of the above if it wasn't for God and asking Him to help me.
Just last month after I had a fearful urgency to speak to my husband about our reconciliation, he rejected me! Of course he did though! I went against the principles taught and if you do what you know is wrong, it is a sin to you. Thank the Lord for His mercy. My husband then told me that we would talk about it more in depth the next day or later on in the week, which did not happen. Slowly he started taking me to furniture stores and asking my opinion on them. I didn't think much of it. In fact I tried not to say anything or give my opinion like I always had. He finally had to say "Please tell me your personal opinion. I want to make sure you like it because if you move back, and that will probably be the case, I want you to like it. "I smiled and nodded. I knew that had I been eager at this point, he would've regretted saying that.
Just one week later on his birthday after taking him out to dinner, opening presents and spending additional time with friends, he asked me to come home. He told me he loved me for the first time in 8 months and said he couldn't wait till we had kids! He said he wanted to work on things and that he hopes it works out. So here I am, one day later, sitting on our bed typing my restoration testimony :).
Side note: I also want to mention that I grew up being frugal and always had an opinion about how much was spent on EVERYTHING. I liked setting budgets on everything including dinner and presents. I heard the Lord tell me to really treat my husband for his birthday and I actually had a lot of fun doing it! My husband even told ME to not get him something I had picked out because it was too expensive, it was $45. That was not my husband speaking!
I would recommend the Daily Encourager so we can renew our mind daily, doing the courses and reading and re-reading the RYM Book. We need to be transformed by the renewing of our mind! Also please do not tell anyone about your situation.
In conclusion I want to encourage women to not allow the devil to steal from you any longer. Follow God wholeheartedly, He will be with you. Run toward the goal of making God Lord of your life and never look back. Read the Word so you know what the truth is and what a lie is. Don't entertain the lies! When a lie tries to enter into your mind, replace it with the truth! Guard your heart.
~ Martha in Michigan RESTORED