Took the Keys Off His Keychain

Took the Keys Off His Keychain

Fernanda, how did your restoration actually begin?

My five-year marriage had been marked by many trials, mostly due to my husband who grew up in an unfavorable environment and broken family. Rather than having a real family, he grew up amongst friends who stayed close all the way into adulthood. Unfortunately these friendships were, in fact, a prison controlled by the enemy. Though most were married, the majority of their time was spent at bars, drinking beer and watching games, at least four to five times a week.

On Sundays when we went to see his family, he would drop us off and spend the whole afternoon at the bar with these same friends. There was a time when my brother-in-law advised him to pay more attention to his family because he could lose me, but he said that if I tried to interfere with his friendships, I would lose.

So, the truth is, I was always alone, but I did not complain. I just decided to keep praying and asking God to get him out of this entanglement. I fasted, I cried out to God. But it seemed like this life would be my destiny until I died.

In January, there was a week that he went to the bar every night. Then on Saturday and Sunday, he spent the whole day there. My sadness turned to bitterness, so I decided to ask him not to go, at least not for so many days each week because our two-year-old son and I missed him so much.

Instead of being sympathetic, he became aggressive, replying that nothing was good enough for me. This “talk” resulted in him not talking to me for five days and when he’d come to bed, he would lay down and make sure he turned his back on me so I knew how much he despised me. This lasted until the day I ended our marriage. I got up in the morning and left a message that our marriage was over, and that I did not deserve to live in so much loneliness and contempt. I took the keys to our house off his keychain and left only those of his mother's house. And I went to work while he still slept.

When he woke up, he noticed my note and he went crazy, calling me but I did not answer. Then he became very angry and told the whole family that he would never forgive me for having humiliated him so much.

After some time of being separated, instead of missing me, he went to the church and met a girl and began to invest in a new relationship. I almost died when I found out. Everything in my life began to spiral downward with no way out.

How did God change your situation Fernanda as you sought Him wholeheartedly?

In my desperation I began to beg God for a way out of the mess I’d created. Because of my attitude, that was entirely without wisdom, I had thrown him into someone else's arms. I began to seek prayers on the Internet to strengthen myself, and that’s when God guided me to the Marriage Help site, HopeAtLast.com and I began to read the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage. Reading that book opened my eyes and I was aghast to meet the woman I really was.

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Fernanda, did the Lord teach you during this trial?

God has searched my heart and revealed to me how much I've been a contentious and overbearing woman the entire time. And I always believed I had done the best, was the best wife ever, because I thought I was putting up with so much! With every verse that I read and began pondering, God was using them and I began appraising myself and every horrible discovery about me began to break me! I began to weep at the Lord's feet. This was the first time in my life I've truly known God for real and realized that I needed a Savior.

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through Fernanda?

As I passed through the desert, it was a journey that seemed to be endless. My EH did not look for me at all or try to contact me. And I knew I could not go and speak to him, because I was in obedience to entirely "let go," but I also read that I needed to ask for forgiveness if I were responsible for the end of my marriage.

So one day I got up the courage and went to apologize for what I had done, for sending him away. I was received so coldly that my heart was broken. But still I said to myself, "Be at peace and quiet, because you did as unto God and you did not do it to try to get him back. Trust." I took a deep breath and began my daily struggle with all my love for God, and right after this is when I found my HH and His love. Finding my Abundant Life!

Fernanda, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?

It was during this period of my journey that I began to put my HH first in my life and heart. Due to my HH love, I was grateful all the time for everything, even if rebuked or corrected or shunned. I was thankful for every loss in my life because I would not have had my eyes opened to having a HH or Savior if God had not allowed my losses and suffering.

I prayed, I fasted, but this time, it was not with any sadness or bitterness in my heart as it had been during those first five years of my marriage. I prayed and fasted with utter joy, with gratitude, and as time went on, I knew I was learning to have patience, to work with God, and He was free to do His perfect will without my interference.

Tell us HOW it happened Fernanda? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Fernanda, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?

After three months without any contact, my husband called me very angry. He began to yell at me because I went to church in the middle of the week and left our son home with my mother. He said he would not take it, my being irresponsible anymore. That I had to have more responsibility or else he would ask for his custody in court. There! Is that what you want? What a pain you are to me, he said.

So I remembered to say nothing, not be contentious and simply remain meek and wise and agree. So I told him, “Yes, you’re right, and I apologize.” And he hung up. Two weeks went by when I was able to repent to my HH because I had ignored the lessons about letting go of my church because I didn’t understand why this was important. Now I knew.

Two weeks later, he called me on a Saturday morning asking me if I wanted to take our son to a see a play for children and I said yes. So he bought two tickets and gave us money to spend on a park nearby. Though I was surprised he wasn’t coming with us (because that’s how it sounded when he asked), I simply said, “Thank you very much.”

The following week he sent me a text message asking me to make some Easter eggs for his nephews and I said I would. I brought them over to his mother's house and there he was, he was there alone. The whole family was traveling but I wasn’t aware they were gone. When I finished unloading the eggs, he asked me to stay with our son, stay there at his parents, since he was alone. I accepted, saying no more. From exhaustion, I hadn’t meant to, but I fell asleep on the couch and suddenly woke up because he’d picked me up and was carrying me to bed. He laid me on the bed and then he asked me to forgive him! (“Forgive” was never a word I've ever heard him say before to anyone.)

My husband began to cry, saying that God broke him down and made him see how important his family is to him. And that he had never given me the true honor that I deserved to have as his wife and the mother to our son. He told me that he felt bad about going to that bar all the time, basically, all his life and that he wants to present himself to God. To God who has freed him, set him free from his "friends" in order to know the truth and the true value ​​of the life He gave him.

Needless to say, I broke down into tears of joy and gratitude to my Lord for having done a complete work in both our lives!! And even though I thank God, day and night, for restoring both of us, individually before bringing us together. My thanks will never be enough for the love He has shown me throughout my journey in finding my HH and His love.

Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you Fernanda?

Beloved ones, I strongly recommend the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage then continue and study A Wise Woman. The best way to pace you journey is to simply go through online courses because they are free. Then, when your heart is open (or broken) it’s time to start Finding the Abundant Life Course.

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women Fernanda?

Yes I would. All of us need to reach out to those who are hurting. I reach out at least once a week by going to prayer sites because it’s there I found this ministry and HopeAtLast.com is where I send anyone that I see is broken.

Either way Fernanda, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

Beloved, no matter what your situation. No matter how horrible your life is now, you can find a happy ending. Trust God to make it happen. God is faithful if we are faithful to Him. His promises are true. Trust! Trust! Take this journey with Him, never look back and never go back!! And soon you too will find the abundant life I have found.