Restored then Widowed

"Restored then Widowed"

Sandy, how did your restoration actually begin? *

It happened many years ago when I was given the restore book by a friend who knew I was having marriage problems. My husband had already moved out and was living in an apartment not far from his office. Not many people knew since my husband and I wanted to keep our situation private since he was a high profile executive. My reason was to keep it as long as I could from our twin daughters. One daughter was married, the other engaged to a nice young man.

How did God change your situation as you sought Him wholeheartedly? *

Almost immediately after getting the RYM book, I began to see changes in my relationship with my husband. He softened towards me and soon was coming over, often making an excuse to get his mail or something he said he'd left in the closet. Most of the time once he came in he never got his mail or whatever was in the closet but would sit down to talk often while getting something out of the icebox.

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), did the Lord teach you during this trial? *

The most important, and what I tell every young woman I meet who will listen, is the principle of the contentious woman. I know it's what drove my husband out of our home and out of my life. I believe so many men really do love their wives, but not the wife they become after they marry. We change and soon we are horrible to be around. We believe that we have a right to nag and belittle and demand all sorts of things and soon men just get fed up and shut down. That's when we turn up our volume and even act horribly when people are around. What choice do men really have? Thankfully though my husband became involved with a secretary or two, none were serious. But I tell young women the same thing whether their husbands are seriously involved or not, that if they can continue to change and be the woman that God tells us to be (all the things that are taught in the RYM life-changing book), then depending on how much damage, he will turn back to her in time. More damage more time; less damage less time.

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through? *

Even though the restoration process was hard, it was soon after my restoration that the real test happened. I know Erin says this but for some reason we all want to believe and dream the fairy tale. The men who left aren't changed because God works on the heart of the marriage (something else Erin always says), so it takes time for the men to know how to deal with their new environment. The problem is that with many of the wives I've helped, some become the same contentious and demanding nightmare they were that drove their husbands out. But if the woman can remain steady, then as a couple they'll navigate through the rough patch and they can be really happy again, for the rest of their lives.

What was the “turning point” of your restoration? *

The turning point for me was actually the moment I first finished reading the book. I was different, and due to that my marriage was different.

Tell us HOW your Restoration happened?

My restoration was just a slow process with my husband coming over more and more often. Then he began coming over when we were a family. The next step was him agreeing and even asking to attend family gatherings. This last phase was only possible because I had done lots of confessing after shaming my husband to relatives (his and mine). That's another problem, the way we blab everything to anyone and everyone. No wonder husbands want to find someone new. It's not bad enough they have to deal with our confrontations, once we tell others things we should never open our mouths about, then they feel it's their right to confront our husbands too. And of course it's worse with social media and how quickly we can text every detail. Horrible and damaging is all I can say.

Did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored? *

Yes, but honestly it wasn't what I saw happening even though I could see the change immediately. It was really because I could see in the Bible this was His plan and because He'd supernaturally gave me the book, He would finish everything. I have always believed in the Sovereignty of God, which means that all things are under God's rule and control, and that nothing happens without His direction or permission. I knew He needed to change me first, then He would finish the change. For me, sadly my restoration was short lived.

The night it happened my husband and I were leaving our daughter's home after one of the most perfect holiday dinners we'd ever had as a family. Both my twin daughters were there with their husbands. Both of their marriages were better than ever too because we met weekly to go through Erin's Wise Woman books because I was determined to train my daughters since divorce is so prevalent with young couples.

When we got to the car to go home, my husband asked if I wouldn't mind driving since he wasn't feeling too well. While driving home in the snow I was going slowly and a few minutes later my husband came over to hug me, then he put his head down on my shoulder. I'd never felt more at peace, completely in love with him and my life. But then I felt something just wasn't right, so I took the next exit off and headed to the emergency room. I pulled up and began honking then holding down my horn until help came. They took my husband in and I waited forever before a doctor came out to speak to me. He looked very solemn, and I knew before he said anything, my husband had passed away from a heart attack.

There's no doubt that his stressful high profile position along with our marriage problems took a toll on his health. And even though his blood pressure had gone way down and he was sleeping better after we were restored, and he was back sleeping in his own bed, it was too late to reverse the damage made.

Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you? *

Honestly everything from RMI. When I needed help there were only a few paperback books, but I know that there is so much more because I purchase many resources for women I meet. I believe the greatest problem is that there is so much out there now, so women are tempted to try other things and read other methods, but nothing works to changing lives the way these resources change lives. It's not the quick fix, and we do have to change no longer feeding our flesh of what we have done for so long, because in the end we can never be happy if we try to change our relationships and the people around us but don't change ourselves.

Do you have favorite Bible verses that you would like to pass on to women reading your Testimonies? Promises that He gave you?

"The beginning of strife is like letting out of water, so abandon the quarrel before it breaks out” (Prov. 17:14).

“Better is a dry morsel and quietness with it than a house full of feasting and strife” (Prov. 17:1).

“But refuse foolish and ignorant speculations, knowing they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s bond servant must not be quarrelsome but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged” (2 Tim. 2:23).

“Agree with thine adversary quickly while thou art in the way with him, lest at any time thine adversary deliver thee to the judge” (Matt. 5:25 KJV).

“Urge bondslaves to be subject to their own masters in everything, to be well-pleasing, not argumentative” (Titus 2:9).

These verses are all copied from my RYM book in the "Contentious Woman" chapter; verses I still read everyday so I never go back to the way I used to be.

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women? *

Yes, I will continue to do so. I have many opportunities and though I would like to help RMI, I am not as good on computers and I am in person.

Either way, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with in conclusion? *

Dear frightened wife, you have been given the best gift by finding this ministry so don't pass this opportunity by. Even though I am older and became a widow, even young women lose their husbands to death because of accidents or due to serving their country in the military. We all know what we hear and watch and talk about everyday that continue to destroy marriage and families, but now, you know the truth.

Don't read or listen to anything else but instead learn what you've been given as a gift from God Almighty. And each time you learn something new, pick up the phone and call to tell another wife or send them a text with a Bible verse attached. If you do the talking and it's His truth, you won't be as tempted to listen to lies that feed our flesh. And what you do will change your whole life and everyone around you. My daughters are different, and they even train their own children different than the way they were doing. Their husbands are happy and affectionate all because I took the gift I was given and passed it on to them and every woman I meet. Please do the same.

~ Sandy in New York, restored, now widowed

I've Done EVERYTHING Wrong!

A woman, who was distressed over the separation from her husband, met a woman who was “restored” and back with her husband. When she heard the principles in How God and Will Restore Your Marriage, she said, “I’ve done everything wrong; I just did not know!” The more she learned, the more she cried, “I never realized how little I knew about what the Bible said.” However, she became enthusiastic about God’s ability to turn things around in her marriage.

The following week, there were tears again, but this time they were tears of joy! Things had completely turned around with her husband. Her husband said that because of the changes he had seen in her in the previous two weeks, he knew that their marriage was going to work. He said that day he had “dropped the divorce at the final hearing”! Tearfully, she looked down at her husband’s hand and saw that he was wearing his wedding ring - something he had not done since their wedding day!

~ Jan in New Hampshire, RESTORED

My Husband was Standing at Door with a Suitcase!

About a year ago, when I was speaking at a church, a woman sat flabbergasted as she listened intently to my testimony. Afterward, she went to the product table and bought How God and Will Restore Your Marriage.

She went home and began reading the book “over and over and over again.” One night there was a knock at the door. When she opened it, she saw her husband, who had been gone for eight months, standing there with a suitcase in his hand. He had come home!! Praise the Lord!!

~ Breanne in California, RESTORED