Give Us Another Chance

Give Us Another Chance

Bonita, how did your restoration actually begin? *

I couldn't say exactly how it actually began, but I remember it all started when I looked on my husband’s social media account a few months back over the summer and I saw this woman. I had such a bad gut feeling about it and I just knew there was something up. I ended up confronting my husband about it right before we were supposed to go on a family trip to the East Coast. I was supposed to meet his extended family that I never got to meet. I confronted my husband and then went on his social media again, saw things I didn't like. I freaked out and that was it—it was the last straw for him with me.

This resulted in my EH telling me he was done, that I wasn't going to be going to Virginia with him and that he was going to file for divorce before he left. So, like every woman, I begged I pleaded and cried, to try and manipulate him like all the other times. But, this time was different, he actually went through with it and I was shocked! I was so hurt. I felt like someone shot me through the heart. I had never been so heartbroken before.

In my Marriage Evaluation Questionnaire, which I discovered after my friend cared enough to sent me the Restore Your Marriage eBook and went to HopeAtLast.com, I wrote saying,

After reading the RYM book I now know I was a contentious woman to my husband, I pushed him away to the point where he committed adultery. He filed for divorce, he doesn't have any hope in our marriage. I'm being served divorce papers. He left to VA and filed before he left while I'm home alone.

I've been reading the book and have my friend keeping me together. Besides God. The closer I was getting to the Lord the worse things got. I don't want to lose my marriage and I'm having a hard time keeping the faith. My husband was so quick to divorce me after our argument, he filed and instantly went with the other woman he barely knows.

I've been with him 3 years and my heart is broken. I need God to heal me but I can't hear Him... I wasn't innocent I messed up and gave into temptation. God humbled me with this experience. My husband humiliated me by being with the other woman in public and the people I knew saw him. He's hanging around the wrong people to influence him, my husband has changed... He's obsessed with himself. He's treating me like I don't matter. I'm hopeless and desperate for my marriage to be restored... God willing... I don't have much time since I'm being served with divorce papers!

I've realized the mistakes I've made in our marriage and I never included God in our marriage. He was never first. I regret that. I want my marriage restored because I love my husband and I want to make things right. I forgive him for committing adultery. I just don't want to give up 3 years with my husband. That man was my best friend. We just fell out of love and became unhappy. I've hurt him in the past with abuse but changed and now he can't forgive me and he said he believes our marriage is hopeless. He can't forgive me. I want to change, I want my husband back because when we get along it’s great. He was my biggest supporter, I took him for granted.

God, please heal my husband. Pour your blood over our marriage and bless this marriage. Touch his heart Lord, let him seek you. Guide him and I pray that you protect him and rebuke any evil influences surrounding him: whether that be drugs, temptation, addictions, and/or pride.

Lord, teach me how to love him the way you do, I pray you teach me how I can bless him. God, please guide me on the right thing to do when I get served with the divorce papers. Please, Lord, I pray you bring the OW to salvation. Give her someone that you handpicked for her to love. Not my husband. Stand in their way Lord and stop them. Lord, I surrender my life to You and ask that You pour faith over me. Build me up Lord. Teach me how to love You, I'm sorry I didn't put you first. But Lord I DO need you!!! Guide me Lord, get me through the storm. Teach me to always have faith and praise You even when things right now are not good. I love you, Lord. I praise You. Heal me from my wounds, deliver me from my past. Teach me how to be a kind and gentle person that's virtuous rather than contentious. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.

So, Bonita how did God change your situation as you sought Him wholeheartedly? *

Well, while my husband was gone on the trip and after I found your ministry through my friend who had a restored marriage, I started reading the book, How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage and realized how much I had done wrong, how bad I treated my husband. I didn't give him the honor and respect, I was so contentious, evil, manipulative, and wanted everything my way or it was the highway for him. I repented to the Lord and begged for forgiveness. Once I started to actually seek Him and get closer to Him, it was trial after trial that followed. The furnace of fire kept raising up with me in the midst of it.

I had to learn how to be alone and pray so much, I learned about fasting. I remember fasting for 3 days without food or water for "favor" for my husband to come home. Shortly after that fasting, I noticed my husband starting to come around more and more. He started to contact me again after I just started to move forward with the Lord, letting go, after everything that happened. He would come home to check on the dogs we have together, and he’d actually do things for me around the house.

Bonita what principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), did the Lord teach you during this trial? *

The principles that the Lord taught me through this trial was to completely lean on Him. He showed me to stop relying on others to comfort me and rely on Him always. He showed me the more I kept trying to handle things my way and when I would get impatient, my journey would get more challenging.

Through your resources, I learned that I was not a Gentle and Quiet Spirit, but that I was a Contentious Woman and that I needed to stay out of my husband's way. Which was very hard because I wanted to talk to him at times and just share my concerns. Thankfully I learned how to just keep my mouth shut when being mistreated, which was hard. I learned to always be kind, regardless of the circumstances. And I learned that I need to continue to pray for my husband and to continually seek the Lord on what I needed to change and ask the Lord to change me.

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through Bonita? *

The most difficult times when God helped me through was when I tried to commit suicide, He didn't let me go. He actually let nothing happened to me. I wanted to die so badly, the pain was so brutal, my heart was hurting. But, God showed me I had a purpose, He showed me that I am not a quitter. I needed to keep fighting the good fight, and that the victory was already won by Him. I remember times when my face was literally buried in the ground as I was weeping and crying and I would just feel the Holy Spirit come right through me. He would give me strength to keep fighting. And this is how good God is, He would actually have my husband come around even more and the hate wall was starting to go down to show me He still wanted to restore. I didn't deserve that but He still did it anyways to remind me to keep going.

Bonita what was the “turning point” of your restoration? *

The turning point I think was when my husband would come around during the day and he would do and say things that would make me angry but I overcame it with good. I still was kind, humble, and respectful. He saw that I changed and even admitted it, I asked for his forgiveness and admitted my faults. He realized that once I got served at work, I called him and was very calm and I wished him the best. I will admit, I was upset that it had to be at work. But it was God's timing and I couldn't run from it any longer. That day when it happened he came to me to talk and admitted he was feeling conflicted and didn't know if he made the right decision. I comforted him and said that it would be okay, he cried in my arms that night. He left to stay at a friend's where he had been staying and I praised the Lord shortly after because God was softening his heart.

Just before this, I applied for Restoration Fellowship saying in it,

I want to help other women with what I am going through. To let her know that she is not alone. I also want to have a closer relationship with the Lord and trust His promises and fall in love with His Word. I want to experience that true love and for the Lord to really change my heart and heal me where I am broken. I know I have a way to help others and this ministry has been encouraging me with all the testimonies. I want to build a greater faith and overcome my fear as well with the Lord’s help.

Bonita tell us HOW it happened? Did your husband just walk in the front door? *

No, not really. He came to the house one morning and texted me that he wanted to talk. So I went home after I had got done working, training a client. We talked, he told me he saw the changes in me and that it was making it hard on him. Afterward, we just talked liked friends, and then he went back to work.

Then, later that night, he was actually at home cooking dinner and offered me some when I got home, but I wasn't very hungry so I didn't eat. He told me he was going to bring his stuff back home and wanted to stay because he got tired of staying at someone else's house. I offered the guest room for him, but he actually slept in the bed with me. That's when he popped the question—if I would consider giving our marriage another chance, and I said Yes!!

Well, I was so excited and praised God. I thought my marriage was so close to being fully restored until a couple days later, he said he wasn't sure again and wanted time to think about it. He started to become more distant again, and shortly after the wall started coming back up. The OW came back into the picture, we were still intimate at times, but I knew he was caught up in sin. It got, even more, challenging now that he is home, but he remained sleeping in our bed. More recently he told me that he still wants the divorce, that there is too much damage to our marriage and he didn't see how he could fix it. So, I am clinging to the Lord as much as possible and letting go again.

Did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored? *

No, I didn't think I was close at all. I honestly didn't even realize it until I saw the very last Be Encouraged eVideos that it's actually a good thing and a sign you're close to restoration when your husband comes home. I didn't see it at all because the OW was still in the picture when he came home. I am still praying for my husband to be a spiritual leader of the home, and for this bond to be broken with the OW that he has been oppressing him.

Bonita, would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you? *

Yes, I would recommend How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage. I really loved the Chapter’s Contentious Woman, Gentle and Quiet Spirit, Kindness on Her Tongue, and Won without a Word, that really opened my eyes about being meek and how to love and honor our husband even when they are not honoring the Lord's word. It talks about standing out of the way and learning to just let go.

Do you have favorite Bible verses that you would like to pass on to women reading your Testimonies? Promises that He gave you?

Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. (Ps. 37:4)

Therefore God has joined together, let no man separate. (Mark 10:9)

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women? *

Yes, I would. I love helping others.

Bonita either way, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion? *

I would say don't give up, no matter how bad your circumstances look. Walk by faith and not by sight. God is working behind the scenes. He gives us these trials to build our faith, He is the God of restoring things and making them new. He will never leave us nor forsake us. He loves us so much, and in times of crisis, we need to seek His face and not His hand (what He can do for us). We need to ask Him to mold us into His image and let go and let Him handle it for us.