EH Told me I was Ugly Until I Met my Love!!

EH Told me I was Ugly Until I Met my Love!!

What brought you to RMI? Please use this space to briefly let our readers know what your life was like when you first found us, Estelle, so our readers understand just what a miracle your restoration is.

Estelle, how did your restoration actually begin?

Just over a year ago, after almost ten years of marriage, I filed my separation papers and gave my husband a letter for child custody, pension, and the possibility of finalizing our divorce. I did not want to live together anymore. Living a life ended in fights, conflict, and him having a lack of respect for me was nothing I wanted any more. He received the letter and without discussion, he packed his things and left our house. It was me and my two children when I realized what a mess I’d made of all our lives.

How did God change your situation Estelle as you sought Him wholeheartedly?

After two months of separation, relieved to get out of that suffering, I soon found myself lost, sad and guilty for making the wrong decision—the worst decision of my life. One day as I was trying my best to work I couldn’t do a thing due to the deep and utter despair I was feeling. Knowing something had to change, I went online to know how to overcome a separation and I found the RMI website. Reading Your Divine Appointment on HopeAtLast.com shocked me to the core when I began to read everything. Women desperate to save their marriage, and seeing all the testimonies of restored marriage that God had done. It was then that I realize how wrong I was and how contentious and arrogant I’d become. I was the foolish woman who tore her own house down with her bare hands. And what’s worse is that everyone I knew cheered me on and encouraged me to do it! There wasn’t even one person who told me I was making a mistake or even hinted that I was.

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Estelle, did the Lord teach you during this trial?

First, I realized how distant I was from my first Love and I did not obey God’s Word in the least. I never knew it to be honest though I thought of myself as a good Christian. I’d been in church since I was little but knew practically nothing of any worth. I always thought I put God first, but if He was my Beloved, then how could I act so foolishly? How could I be such a contentious, arrogant, tough-love person without any patience or compassion toward other human beings—especially my own husband? RMI challenged me to rethink everything about myself and showed me what no one had the courage to tell me. Through the Word of God, not their opinion but His Word only— I understood for the first time in my life—what God thought about marriage and how much for Him that is important we believers need to know and to follow.

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through Estelle?

The most difficult times were when my children went to be with their father. He came to get them and always humiliated me. He always told me I looked ugly and when he spoke to me always offended me by blaming everything that happened in me. He humiliated me, said that he would never come back to me because he was happy because he was finally living in peace. Well, who can blame him because Proverbs 21:9 tells us that it’s because “it is better to live in a corner of a roof, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.”

Sometimes the children did not want to go, but he would make them. I had a lot of work to do before things would become better. It was later when I heard I should “agree with my adversary” and “walk the second mile” that these scenes stopped. I agreed whenever he said I looked ugly or he blamed me, then I asked God what to say in addition, whereby I opened my mouth and I told him that I was also a terrible mother and not to forget to mention that too. Not sarcastically as I would once have said it, and immediately my husband stopped me and said, “No, no you’re not. You are the best mother ever!” Then I found myself not agreeing but saying, “No, if I were a good mother I would have been a better wife to you.” And his response was the first glimmer of hope, he said, “Well, I wasn’t the easiest to live with either. I should have been a better husband, which would have made me a better father too. For this to change, it will take both of us.” Shock is not a strong enough word for how I felt hearing those words.

Another difficulty He brought me through were all expenses of the house I was left with. This changed once I got to the third Abundant Life Course and I was able to break free from the Poverty Mentality. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

After taking the first course I soon felt a huge change in my life because we are taught to understand the Word that says that God supplies ALL our needs. So I saw the Lord supplying all I needed and giving me my daily bread of spiritual food through these courses, making me want more and more. I read the bible, read Psalms and Proverbs, read encouragement that led to me wanting even more. I just couldn’t get enough like a deer pants for water.

What amazed me is that God truly supplies ALL my needs. I always paid my rent on time and our table never lacked good things to serve my family because I just spoke with my Heavenly Husband and He gave me everything, my heart’s desire—even more than I asked or imagined. We had food, clothes and special treats—all provided for by my sweet Heavenly Husband because it was to Him that I trusted with ALL my needs.

Not letting go of my church when prompted, however, cost me a high price. Encouraged when I saw my earthly husband attending a church service, on the second Sunday he came over and told me that he was going to become a member of this church and I would need to find another because he and the woman he met there would be attending together.

I didn’t know what to say, but he went on to let me know that he’d filed for divorce because he wanted to have the right life, with the right wife. I felt like my world collapsed right there and then!! I rushed home and returned to my first Love and consequently, left the church. I was blessed to become a member of Restoration Fellowship. A church where the pastor is against divorce and shared the Word of God. I was given two resources to study and apply. Facing Divorce and Facing Divorce Again. Both helped me a lot to no longer fear, but get excited by what He would do.

One day, my earthly husband arrived at my house and said many things. He said that now that he saw I was very well off my life and that I was enjoying life, traveling and doing everything on my own, he wanted to be free of me. These times of contempt and abandonment were very difficult because I felt confused and worthless, nothingness. Sometimes he came to my house when we were intimate and he even said that for him this did not mean any sort of commitment. It was difficult but I continue having intimacies as the RMI teaches, because we were still married on paper. Later I found out how this led to him giving up the other woman.

Estelle, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?

The turning point was when I fell in love with another Man (hahaha as the RMI shared with me). I fell in love with my Maker. I had learned to “Fear not” and no longer felt ashamed or humiliated, or disgraced. Because my Husband was my Maker, Whose name is the Lord of hosts. The Lord called me when I was forsaken and grieved in spirit and rejected (Isaiah 54:4-6).

The Lord, my Beloved, was my confidante. I told Him everything and I read the Word as His love letters to me. I read how much He loves me and when I was not able to tell Him everything in my journals. I began to write verses from the Bible and spread the Word on sticky notes around the house. Each time I read the verse that was clinging to the mirror, every time I was going to get ready to go out, I began to take care of myself more. I was very thin, I was beautiful, radiant just as He said I would be. I read those verses and I applied the principle of letting to rigorously.

As a result, I no longer experienced any sort of anxiety and no longer had any desire to share everything going on in my life with anyone—because I had already had endless conversations with my first Love. So when my sea and I were very quiet and had nothing to talk or desire to change in my life. I discovered for the first time in my life, I was light and happy. I did not look forward to restoration anymore, didn’t want it at all. I did not answer the phone anymore so that when my husband called, he called and spoke to the children only. I simply did not want to hear from him anymore. I did not want to know him anymore, I did not care who he was with or with whom he worked. I did not care anymore.

Then, one day he emailed me, sharing that he wasn’t sure he’d done the right thing to leave and file for divorce. I didn’t reply right away but waited until I knew what my HH wanted me to write. I replied to him and asked for forgiveness of everything, I asked him to forgive me because I was a contentious, bossy woman and that I did not respect him in the way I should have as a wife. And wanted him to know that I’d let him go. That I began to live with my Beloved, to follow my journey and to continue to be transformed. I told him to go live his life because I was finally happy with mine.

Tell us HOW it happened Estelle? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Estelle, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?

What I shared in my email, along with him seeing that I was changing, one day he asked me who I was dating, if there was anyone in my life because there had to be. I was so happy, smiling, beautiful— with the face of someone who was in love. He said that I was different. Though I’d prepared myself for how I’d respond, I simply felt I should say nothing.

My silence unnerved him, then without any warning he said he wanted to know if he could just stay here for a bit. So he stayed and I treated him very well but he was not my first Love. He always frowned, asked me if I was well, and said I did not know anything about his life now. But I did not question him as he seemed to want me to do. Instead, I was just kind and said it would be all right. He said that I clearly did not care for him and did not ask him if he was okay, that I did not love him anymore.

He said that I should have missed him but that he was happy with how my life had progressed (God gave me a job where I went to work in my dream job! This was a fulfillment of a promise that my Beloved made to me. God told me He would exalt me and my enemies would applaud me!!)

Each time I let him go, stood aloof, the more he approached me and wanted me more. Then I would long for and want more of my HH.

Next, he asked if I wanted to see how much he had really changed maybe he should date me—exactly as the RMI said would happen. I sometimes I did fall into the temptation of trying to rush things, but as I read the devotions and testimonies, my heart would calm down and I let things happen and watched as he makes the decisions. I knew that God would orchestrate everything and things would happen in His time. My husband needed to take the lead, to learn to be my spiritual leader so I needed to give him room to do so.

Then one day out of nowhere, he asked me to go have coffee with his parents. Our son was sick and we spent the day in the hospital. That day was definitive for him. In front of his parents he confessed to all of his mistakes and in front of them, he asked me if I would agree to be married to him again. I nodded. From there we started to make plans and for the past two months have been living a dream of a marriage, living together as husband and wife should.

The same weekend we went to his parents, he rented a house and three days later we were living our new lives together again. All this because my first Love is faithful and fulfills everything that He promises. Now we're like two newlyweds and giggle about thinking about our first date, and the wonderful future God has planned for us. No longer is it just us, however, now there are three because my first Love is the one who takes care of us and will keep us together.

Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you Estelle?

Yes. First, the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage which was what God used to reveal His will and not to miss the RMI courses that were instrumental. And then to go on through the Abundant Life Courses that were paramount in winning my heart and wanting true love at last and learning to be the person God wanted me to be for His Son.

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women Estelle?

Yes

Either way Estelle, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

Do not give up on your marriage, it's God's plan that you go through these difficulties. There is a reason. You did not come here by chance. God wants to surprise you with a new abundant life!!

If He did it for me, He will do it for you too!!

Dear Brides, ask your HH to show you all the amazing things He already did in you and in your life. Let He show you His love and how much more you can reach if you listen only to Him. Don't let the lies or circumstances make you think you have to do anything to achieve restoration. Simply show your love for the Lord making room only for Him in your heart. Follow the courses, to help you to know more about the Lord and how to have a more intimate relationship with Him as a woman, as His bride. This will give you a new perspective on life and give you a confidence, happiness, and freedom you will experience and bring you what you really desire-- true LOVE!