Clinging to their Father, Insecure

Clinging to their Father, Insecure

Julieta, how did your restoration actually begin?

In September my husband and I argued and it turned ugly because it was a holiday and both of us were drinking too much. We were in the city with my parents, sisters and brother-in-law and the discussion was so ugly that we decided to leave. By this point I had said many things that hurt my EH, a lot, especially that he would not find someone better than me.

Dear Sisters, I regret having been so contentious, murmuring and quarrelsome. I never asked God to calm me, but only humiliated my husband, saying horrible things and also asking for a divorce every time we discussed anything that made me angry.

When we arrived back home and after we both calmed down, he suddenly stopped talking to me. He continued like this, silent, for days and days. That is when I began to notice that he no longer gave me any affection or attention. He only answered the things I asked, so I really started getting concerned. I also noticed that he began to live with the cell phone in his hands.

That’s when I became suspicious and asked him if he had someone else. He was threatening to leave the house and go live with his parents. He answered that there was no other person, but that if he had another woman, it would be easier for him. So I immediately yelled at him saying that his place was here with his family! Another mistake of mine, I did not let him go and basically challenged him to leave me.

By October I had made my biggest mistake. Because I was suspicious of what he was doing, I started to pry into his emails, and I noticed that he had changed the password. After I finally found a way to break into his email account, I noticed several emails from him to the OW. The emails went back for almost a month where I saw he was communicating with a coworker of his. Sisters, you can not imagine how I reacted !!! Instead of being quiet and once again seeking my Lord, No, I made the foolish mistake of going out and telling all my friends and relatives that I was being betrayed and cheated on by my husband ... Oh, sisters, every day I pleaded with God, Please forgive me my Lord for being so contentious and for helping to change me !!!

That's the point when I kicked him out of our house, and he left and went to live with his parents. I was in utter despair, but instead of asking for the help of my Master, I went to talk to my cousins, my friends, and the priest of my parish. And they all said the same thing, that I should ask my husband for a divorce, because "God said the only time there could be a divorce would be through fornication." And since I did not understand this verse correctly, because since my God had allowed us to marry, why would He want to separate us ... So, instead of discovering the truth, I started to ask God to put another man in my life so I would forget my husband—can you imagine?

Sisters, thankfully, after I found there was really no other man out there for me, I started searching the internet for what I believed would help. I searched for various prayers sites that would make my husband come home, but nothing I found was any good, because I was not being transformed and from what I shared, you know how God needed to remake me!! And that didn’t happen until I was finally broken and He led me here to RMI.

How did God change your situation Julieta as you sought Him wholeheartedly?

In my time of desperation, once I was broken, I went to Google to search for Marriage Restoration and it was then that God led me the RMI website and I began to read the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage.

Sisters, it was the greatest gift I received in my life! At that moment of utter anguish and despair, I could finally see the truth. Until that moment I had only seen my EH mistakes, but after reading the chapters, I began to see what I’d done wrong. All the things about myself I’d never seen before and I was very ashamed to put it mildly. So I began my journey by asking for forgiveness for my actions, first asking God, then everyone I’d hurt or contacted speaking badly and revealing the sins of my husband—instead of confessing my own!

Then, I began to follow everything that the book taught me, mainly to Read the Word of my Lord, something that I had never done. Also,to always seek God first and to follow His word, which none of my Christian friends or priest had ever said to me.

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Julieta, did the Lord teach you during this trial?

The first principle I started with, as I said, was to ask my God for forgiveness for my actions and also all the people with whom I spoke about my husband. To confess to them saying that I was a contentious, murmurous and horribly quarrelsome woman and that the biggest culprit of all this mess in our marriage was me.

I also began to search God’s word about everything in my life, and to Praise Him and Glorify Him at all times with prayers and love songs! This led to me letting go of my Facebook and all other social networks since we are supposed to be women who are gentle and quiet, happily at home where the temptations don’t overtake us.

Also important, I let my husband go and made it clear to the point of not just saying it, but where I no longer contacted him. During this time he did not call or send emails or an SMS. After some time, he would send me an email and I answered as gently as possible without saying any more.

When he began to show up at our house or he called me, I always treated him tenderly. Then when he began to come and wanted intimacy, I was quietly submissive. Each time I let my HH and EH take the lead, submitting to my HH and to my EH in that order.

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through Julieta?

We have twin daughters who are 3 years old (I sent you a picture) and it’s when I saw how much they were clinging to their father and that they’d become so insecure. Seeing them suffer because of the distance of their daddy, made me very sad. They were never happy, never smiling (not like they are now!).

During this time, due to my prior contentiousness, I had to be their mother and their father. I had them both on my lap, when before they would both sit on his lap. During this time he only called them once in awhile and showed up on a couple of weekends a month to take them to his mother's house. During these times I was alone at home, and at those times is when I often found myself feeling like I was battling a martyrdom mentality. To rid myself of this, I clung to my Lord, reading His word in the Bible and being consoled as I’d crawl in my heavenly Father's lap.

Julieta, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?

The turning point was when I began to follow the steps that the book taught me because I was lost and this amazing book taught me to seek God always and put Him in first place and that I realized that all my questions— He answered me—through the many Biblical passages and also through my daughters (the things they said to me I knew were sent by Him).

One morning, at dawn, I felt a great desire to pray for my earthly husband and the OW and that’s when it happened.

Tell us HOW it happened Julieta? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Julieta, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?

I was feeling this overwhelming need to pray for not just my EH but also for the sake of the OW. It was late the same day when he texted me on my cell phone saying, "Why don’t you fight for our marriage? Why are you giving up on us?" Wow, when I read this message, it was with great joy, for I knew my Lord was breaking my husband's heart. And soon after that, he broke up with the OW and started to come to our house. One day he came and ask me to pray for him. We'd been Catholic and soon he started to ask me to go to church with him on Sundays.

Once he came home for good, he still was not wearing our wedding ring and he had not told me “I love you.” But my faith was unshakeable and I believed that my Lord will definitely Restore Our Marriage fully!

It took a few months of keeping my focus on my HH and telling Him He was all I wanted or needed. Then one day he just walked into our bedroom and took my hand, saying I LOVE YOU and then he showed me his hand where I saw the wedding ring I’d once placed on his finger was back there!

Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you Julieta?

Yes, everyone should start with How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage and then go through A Wise Woman to get ready for restoration since this is when I found it most difficult. What helped too was to read and mark By the Word of Their Testimonies, to help overcome the feelings that my restoration might never happen. My favorite was Finding the Abundant Life Course because it helped me have Someone Love me the way I needed to be loved and so I could love my EH during the difficult times.

In addition, was the Encourager that was my form of fellowship as I got off social networks.

May I say that I will remain here at RMI and tithe here to receive the truth for the rest of my life. And lastly, may I again point to the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage because as I said, it was the greatest gift I received in my entire life, helping me through the worst and most difficult time I was going through. Please consider giving this gift to your family and friends.

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women Julieta?

Absolutely!!!!!!

Either way Julieta, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

Firstly, to seek God and Love your HH above everyone and everything else! Be sure you do everything that His word says and Do not talk to anyone about your situation, speak only to God! Stop asking Him for the Restoration of Your Marriage, but Let GO and let Him do it, asking only for His Will for your life! Ask Him for your transformation!

May God make you into a Virtuous Woman, a Wise Woman, who builds her house on the Rock so that nothing and no one will overthrow you!!